I'm 22 and I love my family so much but they treat me like a punching bag, I want to move but I'm afraid to leave because in some twisted way I feel like they need me and I need them. My mother and father drink a lot and accuse me of being on drugs(which I have never done) or complaining because I get frustrated with them and have emotional break downs(this is something my mother does all the time but shes completely stone when it comes to someone elses feelings) So I guess my question is do I have a problem or do my parents? and when I try to talk to them they don't listen how can I reason with them about they're drinking without them getting defensive and screaming at me?
2007-07-10 18:20:31 · 17 answers · asked by AB+++++++ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't live with them I mean move out of town we live in. They make a lot of money so I'm not eligable for finacial aid and I'm scared that if I don't walk on eggshells then I'm screwed on college thats why I feel the a transfer maybe the only option.
2007-07-10 18:30:40 · update #1
For future awnsers I have my own house I do not live with my parents.
2007-07-10 19:20:01 · update #2
For future awnsers I have my own house I do not live with my parents.
2007-07-10 19:20:21 · update #3
It is time to get yourself out of this dysfunctional situation before it gets to you. You deserve a better chance at life. Please do yourself a favor and leave while you still have some semblance of sanity and self-control.
2007-07-10 18:24:22 · answer #1 · answered by JADE 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your family is definitely the dysfunctional stereotype. The co-dependent relationship between you and your family is just so unhealthy.
22 should be the best time of your life; single, healthy, financially independent. You should be branching out and claiming your independence from your family, living life and enjoying new experiences. Instead you are faced with the parents from hell.
Do you have any friends who would like to leave home? Perhaps someone in your social network is looking for a roommate. Check the classifieds in your newspaper as well. Sharing houses is very common for people in their 20's. You might meet some great people from it. Two of my closest friends were roommates from my 20's. All this time later and with families of our own we still keep in touch.
I wouldn't tell your parents about plans you make, they may try to jeopardize your plans. As much as they are mean and venomous toward you they rely on keeping you under their thumb for the own warped reasons.
Getting some distance from your parents would probably be the healthiest thing you could do for yourself. Whatever motives your parents have to treat you the way they do are just wrong. The situation just sounds so toxic.
Imagine the peace of mind, coming home to your own place where things are happy and serene. While at your parents house one of them is yelling at the other about some stupid thing.
I'm not saying turn your back on your family but for your own peace of mind you should really consider moving out and making a life for yourself. Getting some distance from them might even grant you some insight into your parents. But honestly, you cannot change someone who is not willing to change. Whether it is for their good or not, addicts must hit the bottom alone before they can begin the climb back up.
Good luck!
2007-07-11 01:50:53 · answer #2 · answered by Melly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your family needs help and you know it. The only reason that they are treating you this way is because hey alcoholics and they are not in the right state of mind, but you need to let them know that they drinking and they abuse is destroying you and you all need to get some counseling. I know they may hold your education over your head, but I don't think that it would go that far. In the meantime you need to get out the house and find a place of your own and let them know that is frustrating looking at them daily and watch them waist their lives and put you down as if it is you fault. Let them know that you are not and have never been on any drugs and you are willing to take a drug test, but when you prove that you are not on drugs they have to get help for their drinking. I hope things work out for you and much success on your education.
2007-07-11 01:47:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a simular situation. I eventually moved away for my own mental health.
I was litterally mentally breaking down from being around a parent that was verbally abusive, overbearing and never understanding.
After I got away from the problem person, I have built back up self esteem and feel alot better. After ignoring phone calls and eventually getting the message across with the help of my brothers, my parent has changed alot and is realising his mistakes with me.
Actually quite surprising, because rarely do you see people change thier way of thinking and I never expected this person to change.
It seems usually the people who drink alot, also have problems being understanding to other people who are around them alot.
I am not sure if this is caused from intoxication or if it is perhaps just connected with personalities that have a tendancy to be dependant on substances.
2007-07-11 01:35:09 · answer #4 · answered by johnny_nesbit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first make sure you have funding to move and such...my real father is such a waste of life and very abusive mentally and physically I dint see him from the time i was 3 till 16 and that whole time i wondered what i did to make him hate me, then at 16 i met my bro and sister and tried having a relationship with him but all he did was horrible things to all of us now i could care less if he Lives or dies I could never imagine treating my kids so bad. Don't let your family ruin your life and make you feel guilty for their behaviour. You cant save them they can only save there self. Good luck dear with whatever you decide
2007-07-11 01:30:39 · answer #5 · answered by bornabrat123 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a typical child of alcoholics. You are going to try to fix this and continue to be frustrated because you will fail. There is no fixing your folks. They have to do that.
My advice is to move out and to start attending Alanon. You will learn to cope from others just like you. You need to go even if you chose to not move out, but keep in mind that if you don't, what is keeping you there is that your parents have reversed roles and made you the grown up. Don't be manipulated this way, it will ruin your life. You can find local Alanon meetings on the internet or in the phone book. Please go. Take care of yourself.
2007-07-11 01:29:17 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your parents do not need you. They are adults. They have drinking problems. You should not allow your life to be ruined by what they are doing. It is time now for you to go on and enjoy your own life. It is okay to love them, even though they have problems. It is not okay to destroy your life, thinking that you being with them will make a difference. They are grown, and made their own choices. Now it is time for you to do the same.
Good Luck!!
2007-07-11 01:33:10 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your not going to get through to them . your 22 move out and let some time pass between the two of you and they will come around and will miss you and if the drinking continues tell them you dont want them to drink when they come to your place. things get soo much easier once you get your own place. let them know that you love them but you want a better relationship then what you have with them now.
2007-07-11 01:25:44 · answer #8 · answered by bubba 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't act like a mother to your own parents. They won't accept it. And this means that there is nothing you can do to change their behavior.
You are an adult now. And there is no reason why you have to stay with your parents.
Very likely you can make a better life for yourself on your own. And this is what you should do in order to be happy in your life.
Later on you parents may need your help in their old age. And you should help them when they get old. But for now it sounds to me like they will do just fine on their own.
2007-07-11 01:33:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First you need to leave. Thats number one. Why? Because by you staying there they are using you and everytime you think about leaving they make you feel gulity. That's why you haven't left and by them doing that you stay. Also they get defensive because they don't want to admit they have a problem. So you just need to leave. And tell them thats it time for you to leave, they are old enough to take care of themselves. You need to start your life and stop worrying about what they are going to say to next.
2007-07-11 01:28:01 · answer #10 · answered by Missy C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to other relatives or grandparents who don't drink or have the same problems. Come up with a plan to talk to them and get help for them. Have you tried to help them stop drinking so much? If they become abusive, call 911 immediately. And you guys all probably need eachother, so you have that part right. good luck! :-D
2007-07-11 01:24:36 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋