when i asked him what he would do if i said no he said he could not understand why i would not "help him out" and would have to reconsider our relationship as he would do it for me.Now i could do this but feel funny him asking me and not at all happy with his anwser.This debt is not from a medical problem but from his last divorce and money trying to "wine and dine" the old gf he left his wife for(not me)
2007-07-10 17:20:49 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
RUN !!!!! LINDA!!!!! RUN!!!!!!
2007-07-11 07:57:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh....red light!!!.
He cheated on his wife....you know what they say,
once a cheater......always a cheater. The debt was from
trying to wine and dine another woman!!! Hello?
I certainly wouldn't pay this debt. If he truely loves you, he wont
use emotional blackmail to get you to pay back
the money.
I would have a long and hard think about continuing this relationship. He sounds like he is using you and I think you
know this, deep down. I am sorry to be so negative but it
does not sound good.
Give him back his ring and tell him to use that to pay
back his debts. Good luck
2007-07-10 17:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey...he isn't looking for a wife, he's looking for a sugar mama. This guy wants you to pay off a debt that enabled him to cheat on his wife? He "wined and dined" her for 30k? How? By buying her a vineyard? Let him solve his own problems and move on with your life. Think about it; if you have to ask strangers if they have a problem with this situation, something in your gut is telling you it's wrong. So listen to the advice and run like hell.
2007-07-10 21:47:15 · answer #3 · answered by trpaz2979 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a sociopath. He's trying to use you to pay off his large debt obtained from cheating on his wife. Why would you want someone with a history of cheating and fiscal irresponsibility? And HE's reconsidering the relationship b/c you might not "help" him out?!! Looks like you're only valuable to him for your wallet. Please heed the red flags and run like hell from this one!!!
2007-07-10 17:50:47 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i definately would not pay it.. it's different if the loans are form like student loans or education that is adding somthign to the mariage or like the home you'll both live in after the wedding.. but "oh i screwed up debt".... no. he shoudl be on his own for that one... i'd tell him you'll wait til he gets it paid off to marry him.. or you'll reconsider "helping him out... not paying it off entirely but helping him out"... how do u know he wont just take that you paid it offf and leave you. and how could he afford a ring with that much debt.... if that is part of the debt.. it's kinda like paying for your own engagement.. which no girl should have to do...
2007-07-10 18:53:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance left his ex for another woman and now is asking you to pay $30k to cover the expenses that action brought on? Run for the hills, girl. This isn't going to end well.
(By the way, I have a large loan that I'm paying off and would *never* consider asking my bf to pay for it. Even if we got married, I would pay for it myself until it's gone.)
2007-07-11 01:14:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
he's a participant. verify with the previous gf. probable took money from her, too. you are able to desire to no longer be his fiance after purely 2 months. he's barely utilising you to get the money. an outstanding guy does not ask for money. How do you be attentive to he could help you out?get rid of him quickly. If he could think again your relationship based on what you pick concerning the money, that could desire to be a noisy warning approximately what he's attracted to.
2016-10-01 08:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by schlaack 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds shady to me. Has he asked you to pay for anything else? Maybe you should suggest making a household budget together after you get married and setting aside money for debts. I'm curious as to what his answer to that would be.
2007-07-10 21:16:27 · answer #8 · answered by lkn4trth 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he is threatening to leave you if you do not pay this bill for him.????? . this is what a man should say, him: would you help me by paying this bill? after all we are going to be married and i would do it for you ( but talk is cheap because not only do i not have money to pay your bills, i dont have money to pay my own) you: i am not comfortable paying your old bill. Him: i understand. i will work it out myself to the best of my ability. at our age people draw up prenuptual agreements and do not mingle their finances anyway!!! actually, people at our age do NOT pay each others old bills, and it is only fair you do not provide for me by paying this bill as it predates me even meeting you. now, he did not say that, did he?, he immediately tried to intimidate you. entire books have been written about guys who say things like this. i cant even tell you how dangerous this man sounds.. you are writing here because your intuition is ringing alarm bells in your head. a four alarm fire's worth. there are men like this that go from woman to woman for one reason, to live off them. i am not saying he is one of them, but you are concerned, and need to play it safe. he is older, right? every penny you have is yours, do not ever give any of your money or property to a man. ever ever ever. are you alone? did he sweep you off your feet? does he tell you you are special and beautiful? you say, " i could do this" no no no no, sister, you cant! the timing is absolutely textbook, you arent married yet and he is already testing how much of your money he can secure for himself. this happened many years ago, but i once had a friend who had a very nice mother who was swept off her feet by a man who married her within weeks of dating her and then insisted she put her house in his name, and her bank accounts. her brother confronted him and made him leave her home. he subsequently terrorized her and caused her no end of horror. we all found out later she was the 5th woman he had done this same thing to!!!! and speaking of money, where is???? all his money? does he have any? does he have an income? red flag!!!! if he has a divorce and old girlfriends he is not young, so, please please,be careful. i am trying to lay this on thick because you are nice and right now you are smart but guys like this make you question your own smartness. try to break it off. do not explain, just say, you know, i need more time. when you say this is he nice to you and acts normal, or does he get violent or angry? if he gets crazy it is because of one thing, he was counting on you paying these bills and he is seeing the money flee from him. be careful, if you have a brother or some other male, make sure he knows another man is around you. i may be overreacting to your question, but, better more caution at this point. i care about you. if you have any doubts at all !!!!! about him, see a lawyer. he may be the nicest, most harmless, sweet, kind, darling man in the whole world, all you have to remember is: give him no money, and you must see a laywer immediately anyway if you go thru with marrying him and protect yourself with a prenup. you absolutely must. and also your will and also your other property. take care, sister!!!
2007-07-10 18:01:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
is he doing anything to try to pay this off on his own? is he working overtime? is he taking on a second job? is he living on a strict budget so he can pay this off by the time you get married? if he is not taking responsibility for his own debt, then that is a huge red flag. if he is not responsible enough to pay off his own debts, then he is not mature enough to get married (although that didn't seem to stop him before). if you do marry this guy, I would consult a lawyer to draw up an air-tight pre-nuptial agreement.
2007-07-11 04:48:45 · answer #10 · answered by not margaret 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would run the other way.
Red flags flying up here.
I would not say "I do" until he pays off most of that debt.
2007-07-11 01:10:58 · answer #11 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋