How do you deal with an annoying in-law (or anyone who is like this)?

Question

I have a brother-in-law who talks all the time. He will monopolize a conversation and cut you off when you are speaking. He thinks he's always right, and voices his opinion even when I have not asked for it. On top of all that, he's controlling and a dictator... telling people what to do all the time.

I dread when he visits because I don't like being around him. He's annoying. I thought it was me but others have expressed their concern and agree with all of the above.

Any advise is much appreciated.

I just wanted to add that I have confronted him in the past about his behavior and he didn't speak to him because of that. The silence was awesome but the attitude and atmosphere he created towards me and other family members was completely immature unpleasant (cold shoulder, not speaking to anyone or line line answers).

My sister is aware of his behavior. She's experienced it many times over and does nothing about it.

The last family gathering wasn't good. He proceeded to tell me the decisions I was making pertaining to my life/work etc. was wrong. It ended in a verbal dispute. I had had enough. Told him to mind his own business and walked away. He has not visited since and I'm happy about that. My sister visits on her own but my relationship with my sister is not the same anymore.

Answer 1

Has anyone ever told him that he's being annoying or does everyone just tolerate him and wish he would be quiet? In most cases when someone acts like that it's because they are very insecure and need attention. If no one tells him to knock it off, he's going to continue. Be polite and be aware of his feelings but also don't be afraid to tell him he has to let someone else get a word in edge wise. When he tells you what to do, thank him for his input and do your own thing. It may help you to understand him a little better if you try to look beyond the surface to who he really is underneath all the bluster. He's just a scared little boy who needs attention.

Answer 2

Yep, I have the perfect cure for people like this. And that is beat him at his own game, but be a little more manipulative. When he's around, and someone asks you something, look at him, and then say "____, got an opinion, I'd figure I'd let your answer first since you always interupt". or when he's ordering you and others around, simply say "you're at it again? Doesn't the king ever take a day off?". Honey, for every annoying thing he does, find a humorous way to point it out. At first, he'll be shocked as others get a good chuckle, but then he'll catch on and start to curb his behavior to simply just avoid the embarassment. It's pretty textbook and most people who do this, have done it for so long, that they don't even know it's not acceptable behavior.

Answer 3

First - I say foget all the psycho-babble bs that is posted above (except innerra...,Hollynfaith, & Raven). You are never going to change him and confronting him will only create drama that will result in nada.

And he isn't evil, just a jerk.

Make a game of it. If everyone things this way, make a bet with someone as to how many times he bosses someone, or see how many times you can get him to repeat himself, etc.

Find a way to make it almost a comedy for you. Try to find the humor in how much of an ahole he is.

And I wouldn't normally ever suggest this - but be Passive Aggresive about his demands. See how many times you can interrupt him. Make a point to disagree with anything he says. And treat is attempts to control as though he was being silly.

Don't give him any control over you - and even in you being so annoyed - he is controlling you. Be indifferent. Give him the ol' mental "WHATEVER"

My hubby's uncle is like this. We just roll our eyes a lot and drink a lot and gossip when he goes home. Whatever.


Good Luck

Answer 4

Sounds like you need to give him a book on manners.
But that would seem out of line. When he cuts you off in a conversation just say excuse me can you let me finish before you give your opinion. Try that a couple of times and if that does not work then get all kind of books on manners and being a rude guest and put them throughout the house easy to see. If that does not work then just flat out tell him it makes you uncomfortable every time he interrupts and bosses everyone around if he is in your house you have that right. Just do it in a nice way. This may take a little more thought process but if you don't you just might lose it and tell him to shut his overbearing mouth. That would not be a good thing.

Answer 5

Since he's an in-law you might have some option to talk to the person who is married to him and ask for some help. You may need to feel them out first to make sure they have roughly the same opinion of their spouse's behavior as you do. If they don't then you probably can't do much, but if they do, then you can probably speak to them about reeling him in a notch or two when they come to visit.

Answer 6

Stop talking when he speaks. Simply sit silently and do not speak when he stops. He wants attention, don't give it to him. When he give an opinion, simply thank him and do something else. When you don't react he won't know what to do with himself and he will go find another audience.

Answer 7

Don't say anything to your hubby or anyone else. Try to keep calm, keep your distance without ignoring him. If he says anything out of line or hurtful, open your mouth and put him in his place, but DO NOT go out of your way to be nasty.
In-laws suck.

Answer 8

Tell him...OMG, you got diarrhea of the mouth and that **** you're spewing is foul, just foul.