Should my wife have an abortion???

Question

She was raped.

It isn't as simple as giving it up for adoption.

She will form a bond with the child while it is in her.

I am not the victim, but what about me having to raise a child that is NOT my biological child.

Am I to love this child the same way I love my first born?

Why should she be put through hell because of a child that is not hers.

Why should I have to raise a child that is not mine.

Why should we have to be financially crushed because of this.

This rapist ruined more lives than he can possible imagine.

REMEMBER... My wife WILL form a bond if she goes through with this and adoption will NOT be an option. I KNOW MY WIFE.

Answer 1

The best solution to this problem would have been the emergency contraception pill immediately after the rape. It does not cause abortion, but prevents the egg from implanting. So she is probably in the first-trimester.

The reason abortion is legal is for the exact situation you are in. In fact, it is made worse that your wife is married. The child would definitely be treated differently in the household with you as the resentful father and physically look like the rapist. The child would ask who its father was one day, and probably have a psychological breakdown upon learning the truth. There are many potential risks that could make this worse: What if there are health complications during birth? What if the child wants to eventually meet its father? What if the child develops health problems and needs to understand the genetic history of its father? What if this breaks up your marriage? What if the child has half-siblings that bully it out of anger? What if the psychological trauma/emotional instability generated by the rape hurts the child in the womb? Before abortion was practiced, women used to hurt themselves to cause a miscarriage in a situation like this.
I am sorry this happened to your family. From reports that I've read, most women don't regret aborting rape embryos and it lets them move on.

Answer 2

I'm really sorry for your wife and you. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through right now.

Are you asking if she should abort the baby? I think if you read your question, you'll find your answer. You call it a child, not a mass of tissue. It is a child. An innocent child, conceived in a brutal, horrible way, but the child is innocent. And two wrongs do not make a right.

I fully understand bonding with the baby as it grows. Any caring woman would. You are being asked to do something extraordinary. Something most people will never have to think about. This child is a extraordinary. World wide, the rate of pregnancy from sexual assault is .1%. So the fact that this baby is growing in your wife is amazing.

You have two choices as I see it. You can choose to love and accept this child who is a part of your wife and will only know you as her father. Or you can give the child to a loving home, which there are thousands of. I know it will be hard to give away what she loves and has bonded with, but if it is for the best of the child, she will be able to do that when the time comes. Sometimes we have to do things that seem to tear us apart, but through that tearing, comes healing.

This child can be a blessing if you let it.

I would pray about it and seek guidance from above. I don't envy you or your wife, but I pray you will be comforted and healed completely.

Answer 3

Wow, I am so sorry for you and your wife. You say you aren't the victim but you have been victimized. Your wife certainly bore the brunt of it, but please don't discount your own pain!

I agree that your wife is likely to bond with the child while it is in her, but maternal bonding is pretty normal and doesn't stop a lot of other women from giving their child away. In fact, that bond could make it easier for her to give up the child...many women choose adoption to provide a better life for a child they love. I'm not suggesting that you don't know your wife, simply that you can't be sure how she will react in this situation. Rape it traumatic and it would be quite normal for her to not want a constant reminder.

Personally, I'm opposed to abortion. No matter how it came to be conceived, the child is part of your wife and whether she gives it up for adoption or has an abortion, she will continue to suffer. At least with adoption, she won't have to live with the unfortunately common guilt associated with abortion. Perhaps, with counseling, she could come to view herself as a surrogate mother and be able to give up the child when it is born.

Raising the child as your own should only be an option if BOTH of you can get past the circumstances of the conception. If seeing the child makes either of you relive the incident, you will take it out on the child in many subtle ways.

...about the child not being your biological child, I'm not sure why that matters so much to some people. Your wife isn't biologically related to you and yet you love her with all your heart so why couldn't you love a part of her even if it isn't also part of you? I know that I pray every day that I'll eventually have a husband that will love my son like his own even though he isn't biologically related!

Bottom line, you need to discuss all these issues with your wife (and perhaps you both need to see a rape crisis counselor). If she is morally or philosophically opposed to abortion, putting pressure on her to have one will make her a victim a second time. On the other hand, if that's what she wants, you both need to talk about the possible emotional costs with a professional to minimize any possible emotional consequences down the line. Your wife is the most important person in this equation...she has already suffered through one of the most traumatic experiences any woman can face and I'll pray you'll both be able to find a way to prevent this from becoming an ongoing trauma!

Answer 4

I don't think your wife should get an abortion. Though it is the simpler solution and allows you to run away from the problem,it isn't the answer. That baby,from the moment it was conceived,is a living person. It may not be breathing on it's own but it is still alive. And what happened to your wife is not the baby's fault. By taking that baby's life,you're not making anything better. You're only punishing and condemning that child for something it didn't do. And if your wife does get an abortion,that's not changing anything. She was still raped and she will still feel the way she does now if not worse. And if the baby isn't yours biologically,does that really matter? You can still love it as your own. The fact that it has a different father doesn't mean anything. If you bring this baby into this world,it will know no other father but you. It will recognize you as the one that's been there for it,cherished it,loved it,and cared for it. This is just an outsiders view on the situation. I don't know you and I don't know your wife. You will do what you think is right. Just remember,whatever choice you make,it won't make the rape go away and it most likely will not make your wife feel better about it. Only she,with your help,can make herself feel better...

Answer 5

Unfortunately, it IS her choice and there is nothing you can do legally to change that.If she wants an abortion, she can have one without your consent.You cannot force her to carry the child.Dads pretty much get the sh it end of the deal when it comes to pregnancy since fathers have no rights during pregnancy. Also, how do you know if the child is yours? if she is a difficult women, perhaps she has cheated. I think the only thing that will save the baby is if she waits too long to have an abortion and they will not be able to perform one.If that is the case, when the child is born, go to court ASAP for a paternity test and file for joint custody.If she keeps the baby and is a fit parent, they will not give you full custody. Also, being in the Army is also a issue here.Have you been deployed at all? Will you be deployed? The best advice I can give is to kiss her *** no matter how bit chy she is and try to make that "picture perfect family" reality so she won't go through with the abortion. Oh, another thing, don't be stupid and go bankrupt for this.Kids cost a lot of money! Good luck and hope things work out in your favor.I bet a lot of women wish you were their baby daddy (as opposed to the deadbeats)

Answer 6

Now, the decision is up to your wife. A real man would respect whatever she wants to do. However, the child is not at wrong here, only the rapist.

Adoption is NEVER easy. I have concieved as the result of a rape, and I did bond with the baby, but I miscarried in the second trimester. The baby did nothing wrong.

However, John C, I remember you from many other questions you have asked, you have a tendency to argue for arguments sake. You really shouldn't be asking us because you have already formed your opinion.

If you know your wife will bond with the child, let her.

You won't be financially crushed if you appeal for Victims Compensation, several thousand dollars. Even if you don't appeal for this, you will be no more financially at odds than you would with a child that is biologically yours.

If you aren't willing to raise a child born of the one you love, you don't love her. Many true men, manly men, raise kids that are not biologically theirs. They are the foster-fathers, adoptive fathers, fathers to sperm-donor children, fathers of their wife's raped-concieved youngsters, they are older brothers, uncles, grandfathers, step-fathers, the caring boyfriends, cousins, magistrates, social workers. Any man who loves a child for being a child is more of man than someone who is concerned about whether or not a child carries their genes.

If you can't love a child for being a child, you are an unkind person. If your wife is fine with carrying the child, then that is her decision. Stand by her.

I know you, though John C, and you always ask questions to answers you already have an opinion of. You just want to argue. Watch, after several posts from pro-lifers, you will post additional details with arguments about why abortion is good.

Why bother?

Answer 7

First of all, I am very sorry your wife was raped. That's horrible.
However, why are you whining so much? "Why should you have to raise a child that isn't your biological child"?
You don't have to. Is someone holding a gun up to your head and forcing you? Why would you think the only way out of that is to kill this child?

"Should you love this child the same way you love the first born?"
If you plan to be a father to it, then yes. Why? because this baby didn't ask for any of this. Did you ever think about that?

"Why should she be put through hell because of a child that is not hers"?
That's ignorant. The child is growing inside her isn't it? Then it's "hers".

You repeated a few questions which brings me to the conclusion that you are only thinking of yourself. Well, guess what buddy? It's not ALL ABOUT YOU.

"Why should you be financially crushed because of this?"
Because the baby didn't ask for any of this. Again.

Now as for whether she gets an abortion or not, you two need to figure out that answer. We can't tell you want to do, because we don't even know you. However, I would advise you to give a better reason for just killing a baby other than how much you don't want the responsibility of a child that isn't biologically yours, how you don't want to be financially crushed, and how your life is just poor pitiful with this child that is growing inside of her. Boo hoo.

Answer 8

I certainly sympathize with you and your wifes situation. It looks like you are not looking for an answer from people on how to cope with the child. It looks like you are seeking justification for going through with the abortion, which you seem to have already made up your mind on having. You're right, it wasn't your fault or your wifes fault for the rape or the pregnancy, but it's not the baby's fault either. It is obvious that you are feeling some guilt over the idea of trying to justify the abortion of an innocent child. The rapist will have his day of judgment, but the baby will not even be given the chance to have a life. Is it fair to kill an innocent child for ANY reason? The rape was wrong and cruel, but so is murder. The Bible says that you cannot conquer evil with more evil, you can only conquer evil with good. So I hope you do the right thing. I will pray for you and your wife, and the baby!

Answer 9

First of all I would like to say how sorry I am to both of you. It is a very difficult decision you both will have to make. I do think you both should seek some counseling if you have not done so already. If your wife chooses to keep the child I know it will be very difficult for you both to look into that child's eyes and remember how it came to be without resentment. Just try to love the part that is your wife's and hopefully that will be enough. I know it sounds cliche but sometimes from sorrow comes joy. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. God brought you this child in the time of a terrible tragedy maybe to later bring joy. Hopefully only good will come. You did not say if the rapist was caught. I truly hope so. No one should have to go through what you and your family are facing. My sympathy.

Answer 10

Your wife will also be crushed with the fact that she was violated and she had a abortion just to smooth everything over. That child is still half of her and I can totally understand you not wanting something that is not "yours" but you and your wife are one unit now. The baby is also a innocent bystander in the whole thing. Very difficult choice to make and I would even go as far as maybe seeking a few counseling sessions before a decision is made just to make sure you and your wife fully agree on the decision. You do not want any of this to damage your relationship either. Good luck