Hi. This women and her daughter (the same age as my daughter - 7) live in my development. Our girls go to school together (not in the same class). They are really not friends. We see them at the pool sometimes. I did invite them over about 2 years when I first met them - it was horrible. The little girl is very fresh - she kept telling her mom to shut up and said "whatever" to her about 100 times. After they left I said never again.
Anyway I got an email about a month ago from the mom - it said "Ashley's birthday is next Saturday and I'm going to take them to the movies". I asked my daughter (Jessica) if she wanted to go and she said no.So I emailed the mom back and said my daughter wasn't going to be around - but have fun and tell Ashley we said happy birthday. I got another email the next day and it said "well it's only going to be Ashley and Jessica - so whatever day is good for you guys - just let me know". Do I force my daughter to go or just keep making up excuses?
2007-07-10 12:38:53 · 20 answers · asked by hotmomma 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
All you guys are right - I know I should just be honest - I guess I just feel bad for the little girl. She doesn't have any friends and is not involved in ANYTHING. I don't know if she's fresh because she sits at home all day and is totally bored or lack of good parenting -but I just feel bad - I'm weak :) But like I said, you are all right.
2007-07-10 12:57:14 · update #1
There are so many red flags in that story, I don't know where to start.
1) What's wrong with this girl that she doesn't have friends?
2) If she's 10, why isn't she doing the inviting?
3) Why is the mom doing the inviting by email?
4) Why after 2 years are they hitting you up for a birthday?
It sounds like the mother is desparate to find someone to be a friend to her little brat and I bet the girl doesn't even care.
Don't force your child to interact with people that you obviously don't want to be friends with!
Since you don't really know them or have any connection to them, you can tell her the truth - that your daughter does not want to go. Or you can do the flake out - say yes, set a date, and flake out and keep flaking out until they get the hint. Or you can ignore it. You have no obligation to them for anything whatsoever, they are not your friends. Think of it like annoying telemarketers - do you really want to keep hearing from them? End it now.
The point is that she is trying to force you and your daughter to be friends with them and if you would really rather not, you shouldn't feel guilty about it and you shouldn't force your daughter to "make nice" to someone you don't care for.
2007-07-10 12:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Do not force your daughter to go. You might have a talk with your daughter and explain that this other girl will be alone on her birthday and it would be a nice gift if she took a few hours to go to the movies. But the choice should be her's. And if she decides not to go, be honest with the mom and simply tell her that your daughter does not want to go...then there are no more worries about being caught in a lie and you probably won't have to field any more invites either.
2007-07-10 12:44:34 · answer #2 · answered by Shalvia 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't force your daughter to go without you.
If you want to use this as an opportunity to teach your daughter to be kindhearted (and if you feel like being kindhearted in this instance), why don't you suggest that the four of you go together - share the burden with your daughter. (I'm not saying it will be fun - it might be awful. Then you know to never do it again.)
Clearly the mother and daughter are missing something about the way normal people interact with eachother. That is very sad for Ashley. She's only seven.
2007-07-10 14:38:57 · answer #3 · answered by tweedropjes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously this "woman" is not raising her daughter to be a respectful young lady. You and your daughter have every right to have reservations about "hanging out" with them....birthday party or not. Not only that, most children no matter the age will pick up on bad habits through thier peers. So the question is, Do you want your daughter to pick up some of the bad habits this "woman's" child has picked up? I think if you were to force your daughter to go against her will, not only will you be liable for subjecting your daughter to learning or picking up something you might not want her to, but you will be dishonoring your own good judgement.
2007-07-10 12:48:41 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a tough one. It sounds like Ashley has alienated everyone from school and in her neighborhood. I kind of feel sorry for her, even if she is a snotty kid. If it's been a couple of years and she has no one else to invite to the party, my guess is she hasn't changed much. I really wouldn't want that influence on my daughter, so I'd kind of just leave it open-ended like, "Yeah, okay, I'll give you a call when Jessica's schedule opens up a little. Right now, she's really busy with dancing, summer camp, little league (or whatever)" and then I'd never call.
2007-07-10 12:46:27 · answer #5 · answered by Emily Dew 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You take them to the movies. No other mother. Everytime the little girl says or does something you wouldn't let your little one do, tell her. She will either change her ways to be around your daughter or she will go home and never want to see your kid again. which sounds like a good thing. It sounds like your daughter doesn't like this little girl either. So let her know what you are up to. Tell her that you want to take this little girl to the movies because she doesn't have any friends because of the way she acts. If your daughter will speak up tot he girl and call her on her antics this will help. If you want more support, take one of your daughters friends along too.
2007-07-10 14:39:06 · answer #6 · answered by aliciamichelle06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This girl doesn't seem like a very good role model for your little Jessica. If she doesn't like the person, she doesn't have to go to the party. I choose only the best for myself, and as a ten year old, (yes, 10..) I wouldn't meet up with ANYBODY like that. I would just tell the mom the TRUTH. Lying is a true sin. Maybe go over there, say hi, drop off a present, and leave. Don't forget to appologize. This might change a lot, but it's for the best.
2007-07-10 12:43:08 · answer #7 · answered by K.K Kat Slider 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your daughter wants to go, then let her. If she doesn't, then don't force her. Just tell Ashley's mom that Ashley and Jessica aren't really very close, and that Jessica doesn't want to go right now. Maybe when they've spent more time together in school she'll be interested.
2007-07-10 12:42:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know this is hard, but stop making excuses. Tell the mom that your little girl asked not to go, and you didn't have the heart to tell her that your daughter does not want to go to the party or movies with her. Since she is going to keep asking if you do not, and you will have to tell her the truth as much as it hurts. Besides, you will keep running into the woman and her daughter at school, and the pool.
2007-07-10 12:44:01 · answer #9 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say dont expose your daughter to that woman and her daughter ashley.Theres only 2 reasons why that girl is like that and its either 1. Her mother isnt a good parent or 2.either her mother is too busy and her dad isnt around or her mother just cant watch her.Either way shes not the best parent in the world, if its 2 than at least shes trying.
But on to the subject, I would be honest and tell her that my daughter doesnt wanna go.Be honest and truthful, but dont be hurtful, as that brews emotions that you dont want or need.
2007-07-10 12:50:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋