I am deeply concerned for someone - please help?

Question

I have a gal friend for many years who is about to be married very soon, but found out from her fiance that he engages in internet porn. He tried to convince her it is a "guy thing" and given that he was honest she had nothing to worry about. My biggest concern is he said he never paid for it, and he just goes into it from "pop ups". I don't see how that is possible because otherwise everyone would have those pop ups I would think, and I certainly don't. Wouldn't he have had to pay for something to view it? If so, I am really concerned for her because I don't know how far into it this guy is....Does anyone out there know? To me, free pop ups or not I am concerned, but if he was not telling the truth about not having to pay there may be hope for halting the altar plans. Any help would be appreciated here. He "promises" he can stop - it's free, and no big deal to him. She is a long time friend, and it is a big deal to me.

Answer 1

WELL SWEETIE, 1ST OF ALL UR A GOOD FRIEND 2 BE CONCERNED; THERE MIGHT NOT BE ANYTHING U CAN DO 4 HER IF SHE'S WILLING 2 ACCEPT THIS BEHAVIOR. I DON'T FEEL WATCHING PORN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE IS BAD IF IT'S NOT DISGUSTING PORN (ANIMALS, CHILDREN, ETC.) BUT SOME PEOPLE HAVE A REAL PROBLEM, SO IF THAT'S THE CASE HERE, THEN UR FRIEND IS IN 4 SOME HARD TIMES.

IF SHE'S INTO PORN, IT MIGHT NOT BE SO BAD 4 HER. I KNOW ONE COUPLE THAT LUVS 2 WATCH PORN TOGETHER, THAT'S COOL, CUZ THEY BOTH ENJOY IT.

I WOULD HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WITH UR FRIEND, MAKE A LIST OF THE ALL UR CONCERNS AND DOUBTS, IF SHE'S SMART, SHE'LL LISTEN AND TAKE THEM INTO CONSIDERATION. THAT'S REALLY ABOUT ALL U CAN DO.

I MEAN IS HE THAT BAD OF A GUY THAT U WANT HER 2 CANCEL HER WEDDING? REALLY THINK ABOUT IT, I KNOW UR CONCERNED, I UNDERSTAND, BUT U REALLY NEED 2 LOOK DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF AND FIGURE OUT EXACTLY WHY U DON'T WANT HIM WITH HER.

TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK 2 U AND UR FRIEND.

Answer 2

First of all, I believe that porn is the same as going into someone Else's bedroom and watching them have sex. It is known to be addictive and if he could stop at any time why doesn't he? The pictures from that stuff stick in your mind, and personally, I wouldn't want my husband thinking about that while he is supposed to be being intimate with me.
As far as getting it free, you'd be surprised at how much those websites let you see. So he may be telling the truth about not paying for it. But still, I think this is something that they need to work out BEFORE the big day. It will only cause more problems later.

Answer 3

ALL men look at porn, in one form or another. Would it be different if he had a Playboy subscription? It is possible to view stuff on the internet without paying for it.

Some men like videos, some have their magazine stash. Some look on the internet. But find one who doesn't, and I'll show you a liar.

Now, the real question is, is it an addiction, or a healthy libido booster? She should find that out... She could check his internet search history if it's a big concern. Is it an every day thing? Is he looking at kiddie sites? That would definitely be a problem. If it's really problematic, she should be able to see it. Give him a little slack, though. Don't freak out unnecessarily.

(Need I add that this is THEIR business and not yours?)

Answer 4

Yes u can get free porn and visisual porn not as pop ups but into places (undercover). Watching porn wont affect the marriage beleive me, instead he probably has some awesome ideas on sex fantasies and sex experimentation. Also porn could be a form of entertaiment, as u would take a beauty magazine to watch the latest hotest guy or beauty tips, porn is like that to guys. So there is nothing to worry about let him have his fun u know, aslong as he doestn cheat with the bitches then is fine. I am sure he loves the girl and he wil treat her right. I tel u this because porn for me is entertaining too and i am a girl, but it doesnt mean that i cheat on my guy or i am a "undecent"person because of this. Ofcourse if obsesion for porn comes in then he got a different type of problem, eg like he wont have sex if he doesnt watch porn, or he has to watch porn everytime he has sex than that would defenetly be unconfortable for the partner. but see it as this is a form of entertaiment nothing more.

Answer 5

I don't think it's that big a deal unless he is obsessive with it...and it's not difficult to find porn for free on the internet. The popups are usually generated from sites you have already visited. I mean...that's what I've heard.
Seriously, if it's not affecting her and he's not freakish or abusive because of it, there's probably not a problem. You may feel differently toward him but what's most important is how your friend feels about her future husband.

Answer 6

I had a friend get married to a guy she knew before they were married that he looked at porn and thought it would be okay when they got married, but he was a sex addict and it became a major source of conflict for them because he wanted it so much, she never did. Because of that, and other issues of course, they were divorced before their first anniversary. If she doesn't know, it's definitely something that she should know so she can talk to him about it and decide for herself what to do about it and lucky for her she has such a good friend to be there and support her through this.

Answer 7

Well to tell the truth there is free porn on the internet and it can be lead by pop ups. But if you feel he wont then you should invite your friend and her fiance to your home or theres and tell your gal friend that your worried about her or something. because if your right then we have a problem dont we.

Friends arent made by what they were ganna do, there made by what they actually do.

Answer 8

Hate to break it to you, but he is telling the truth. There are thousands of free porn sites. Some let you see everything, then there are others that will tease you in hopes to get you to sign up. I know someone who setup his own porn site. He links to other free site and so on and so on.

Answer 9

Unfortunately there is a lot of free porn all you need to do is type a search for free porn and you will see.
As far as your friend if she knows and is OK with it there is nothing you can or should do about it.
It's not a guy thing it's a some guys thing.

Answer 10

Actually there are some pop ups such as that and most are free.What you need to do or tell him to get a virus protection on the computer and the pop ups will stop.If they don't that means that he didn't put it in or he didn't install it the right way.