we didn't talk for almost two months before he came home from leave. he told me he didnt wanna see me and he wanted to start a new chapter in his life without me. the day he came home (which was saturday) he called me and wanted to see me. so i went and spent the weekend with him. his parents lives an hour and a half away from me. i came home last night. we had plans for him to come to my house for dinner tomorrow and today he told me he thought about us and doesnt want to see me again. he could never be with me. when i asked him if he was coming to dinner he said no, and when i asked him if he wanted to see me again before he left he said "right now, no" WHAT THE HELL.. I don't know what to do? he leaves for iraq after this leave. these could be our last times to see each other if, god forbid, something happens while he's over there. why is he doing this? and what do i do if he calls me again??????
2007-07-10 10:27:21 · 14 answers · asked by danyel 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
if anything.. should i keep sending him letters and care packages while he's away at iraq? that way... when nobody else is there... he'll see that i'm still there and that i still care?
2007-07-10 10:35:57 · update #1
okay of course i asked him if he was calling me over just for sex. he says he's not but that doesn't mean he isn't i totally and completely understand that. but i would think he would lead me on the whole two weeks instead of seeing me two days then telling me he doesnt wanna see me next weekend. he takes me to see his family in mexico and takes me out to dinner n shopping n stuff... i mean anyone can do that, but for the past four years, i find it hard to believe that all i'm good for is sex.... especially when i know he can get it elsewear as well.
after he told me that he could never be with me again i asked him what was i doing there.. he said "im leaving for iraq. this could be my last chance to get to see you. i could die when i go there. i didnt want to go home and be upset with myself for being too bitter to see you while i was out here".... i dont know what to do about all of this. i cnt help but love the guy.
2007-07-10 10:45:31 · update #2
honestly ive been in ur shoes before i just had to understand and i totally do now that.... your boyfriend is scared think about what he is getting himself into put urself in his shoes for a minuteand think about it impretty positive it has nothing to do with u. he doesnt want to hurt you if he goes and somthing happens to him he is thinking about you belive it or not send him letters and care packages to let him know that you care no matter what he says. keep calling him im telling you this really is nothing about weather ur doing somthing wrong or what not. hes just scared for his life and he is debating on having you in it when he goes cus its just one more person he is going to hurt if u get what im saying. i have plenty of friends over there and my father is over there as well
2007-07-10 12:26:05 · answer #1 · answered by spur_stickin_cowgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reminds me of an old saying. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Unfortunately your head knows it's wrong.
I think your here because you are a consummate optimist. Your hoping someone here will explain his behavior away and you can keep on loving him the way you always have.
The heart wants what the heart wants...Do you feel his heart wants you? I can tell you one way that you can positively 100% be sure where his heart is.
Let him go.
I know it sounds simple enough and I understand it is not. Love is one of the worst addictions to break. Another popular saying is that it takes at least a full year to get over a lost love. You are scared of that future pain so your looking for anyway possible to push it away.
I hope you take my advice. Unplug your phone. Turn off your cell. Change your number. Do not talk, write or email him for the next 30 days minimum. Any less than that and he will never take you seriously. After that if he is trying to communicate with you play it cool. Do not be so available that he can feel that there is a low risk of you accepting his leaving when he plays mind games.
When I went through a heart breaking break up a few years ago my Sister gave me some valuable advice. She told me that each time I though of my ex-girlfriend to repeat to myself my name and the things I like. It immediately numbs that loss feeling a bit and it also reinforced how bad the relationship actually was. When I remembered the things I liked I could see how distant they were from her likes.
There is no reason to feel the way you feel. When your in love it should be reciprocal all the time. Not when it's at his convenience.
I wish you nothing but luck and happiness.
2007-07-10 21:36:24 · answer #2 · answered by whastheheck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK this has nothing to do with him being in the military. Yiu would have the same problem with THIS guy if he worked at Dairy Queen.
The answer is NO. How much more of a red flag, crystal clear sign do you need. Stop being easy and let this guy go 100%. If he calls don't answer his call. Don't call him. Don't send him stupid as* letters asking him what you did wrong wrapped up in a cute little care package with all the stuff you know he loves.
Go work on yourself for a change. Stop giving 300% to some stupid guy. Get yourself squared away. Get going to college for real if you aren't already. You first stupid guys later. One you make yourself your own person you will be able to see guys like this one from a mile away and stay away from him. Until then you are going to be every dog guys favorite chic to sleep with and use. Take care of yourself and you will appreciate all that we are telling you when you finally can realize we are right.
2007-07-10 17:47:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's one of two things:
1. He's really dumping you and you need to move on.
2. He's having a hard time dealing with heading out to Iraq. Guys (and gals), when they get ready to leave on deployments, act one of two ways... they either want to get closer or they want to fight. Hubby and I - we fight. The closer the deployment, the more we argue. It's almost like you know that it will be easier to say goodbye if you're angry. Fortunately for us, it's never been major fights, but we pick pick pick. Of course, it's now been 19 years, and we have our fighting down to a fine art!
That said... you're dating, you've not made the commitment to an engagement let alone a marriage, and you all didn't speak for 2 months. I think I'd have to vote for choice one. Sounds like it's over. Even if he is having issues with Iraq, I think it's more than that. Even after the worst of our fights while we were dating it would be no more than a week before we were back on the phone with each other.
If he calls again.... tell him you have decided that he is right, and it is time to move on. And that you wish him all the best as he heads off.
Be strong sweetie!!!
2007-07-10 18:36:48 · answer #4 · answered by usafbrat64 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's over. Childish "love" affairs usually disappear when one or the other of the two involved move on in the world.
It is unrealistic to think that he is the same person he was before he went into the military. He is growing up....so must you.
That being said, don't let him use you as his "girl" when he comes home on leave. Move on with your life-it's time.
2007-07-10 17:46:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he is trying to be the bigger person crap stuff and not wanting to be with you because he is a _sleeping with a girl in his unit -it happens more than you would think. b- thinks he is going to die and doesnt want you to be hurt, c- is madly in love with you but cheated and cant bring himself to tell you or d- he thinks you are better off without someone you never see. get in his face, if you bug him enough he will tellyou what his hangup is and then hopefully you can go from there.
2007-07-10 18:42:56 · answer #6 · answered by mommy to be of 3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to start a new chapter in YOUR OWN life!! Let him go, you don't need this guy and will soon put him out of your mind once you decide to find someone else.
2007-07-10 18:06:24 · answer #7 · answered by Charles V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be messing with your head, or using you for sex since he is leaving.
Or he could just not want you to have to worry while he is in Iraq, so he's distancing himself to avoid hurting you.
So if he calls you again, I would ask him which one of those it is. Either way, it is mean to tell someone you could never be with them.
2007-07-10 17:38:50 · answer #8 · answered by jenni 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move on with your life. You are to young to be hung up on someone who doesnt want to be with you. Yes he is a soldier and maybe a confused one at that, but dont live your life waiting for him to decide if he wants you or not
2007-07-10 19:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by darkspacetrooper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you might want to move on with your life. It takes two to tango and it sounds like he's left the dance. I wish you well but let him go. If he comes back you can always see how you feel then. Take care.
2007-07-10 17:49:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋