Should i put my Second Child up for adoption? Help me please! I need to know!?

Question

Hey Just because i'm pregnant with my second child doesn't mean i'm a whore does it? But it could be the other thing tho.......I'm only 14 years old! I'm pregnant with my second! Sorry But that doesn't mean i'm a whore! It's with the same guy! God! So will people leave me alone! My first is 1 year old and i'm 8 months pregnant! Please be nice and answer this Question...Should i put my second child up for adoption? Please help me!

Answer 1

Okay, I have a zillion things I want to say and I'm going to do my best not to jumble it all up. It is completely okay to sit on the fence and not know which way you are going to decide. In fact, the choice for adoption should only be made after the baby has been born and you have time to process what has happened. You can speculate all you want before your child is born, but it all comes down to after the birth.

I'm about to make your choices clear as mud. Regardless of if you parent or if you place your child for adoption, you are a mother now. Just so you know that one of the biggest myths of adoption concerns picking your life up and continuing on where you left off after placing your child for adoption. While there is a lot of talk about the wonderful act you can do by placing your child with another family, it will not alleviate the grief. That first year after placing is hard. Your body physically will go through the recovery believing your child is dead, even though your thoughts know otherwise. Relinquishment is a traumatic experience even in the best of circumstances. You will not be the same carefree person you were after childbirth regardless of whether you parent or relinquish.

Your child is also impacted by this decision. Parenting in whatever circumstances that are giving you reason to doubt your parenting will impact this child. Also by relinquishing your child for adoption, you are giving your child a different set of circumstances that the baby will have to live with. Your child would forever have the effects of adoption is his/her life.
http://library.adoption.com/Parenting-and-Families/Lifelong-Issues-in-Adoption/article/256/1.html
Even in love and good intentions, adoption is founded on loss and that child's loss would be from your actions. That loss affects even the most well-adjusted happy person.

Honor the deliberation process.

1. Form an adoption plan.
2. Form a parenting plan.
3. Decide after your baby is born and the dust has settled.

Here are a few more links to look at if you haven't already:
Safeguarding the rights and well being of birthparents in the adoption process
http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/publications/2007_01_Birthparent_Study_All.pdf

This is a website written by a birthmother to help give information about open adoption in a non-biased way.
http://www.openadoptioninsight.org/

Discussion boards to help find resources and get more information about your choices.
http://www.singlepregnancy.com/
http://www.girl-mom.com/
http://soulofadoption.com/

Answer 2

Magicpointeshoes gave you great advice. It takes everyone into consideration. Adoption can be wonderful but there is always loss that goes along with it. Your 1 yr old will loose a sibling, as will the baby, and you will forever wonder if you made the right decision....and you may anyway. The father would have to relinquish his rights to the child as well.
Without knowing more about your situation, I don't know what your support and options are but you need to have counseling that is impartial to either choice.
Open adoption is sometimes less traumatic as you do get reports if the Aparents stick to the agreement...and most do. If you have a closed adoption, you may never know. Open adoption agreements are invalid some places so the aparents don't have to follow it. Regardless of the option, you will need grief counseling if you relinquish.
This is a major, life altering decision for many concerned. Don't decide in haste or without much discussion.
And, yes, birth control...check out Planned Parenthood, in most states you don't need parental consent.

Answer 3

Well I am 25, married for almost 5 years now, we have a four year old daughter and I am currently pregnant with my second child as well (24 weeks almost). I am terrified myself right now with the responsibility that another child is going to add to our lives. I am scheduled to have a C-section immediatlely after birth and that is quite a nice thought for me. I couldnt imagine being pregnant at 14, let alone already being a mother. Do you live with your parents and they raise your first child? I notice that a lot of younger kids dont mind having kids because they arent taking the responsibility of raising them. I'd have 20 if I had to if I didnt have to take care of them, but as a mother and a woman, I have too much pride to to hand off that responsibility. What about school? College? A career? If you give this child up for adoption you will always regret it in a few years when you're pregnant again and decide to keep it this time. you can only make the decision, but you should seriously consider a tubal afterwards. 2 kids is more than enough for anybody and that will keep you on your toes for the rest of your life. I have to stay at home because the price of childcare is insane and my husband makes too much money for us to get any assistance. Im sure its different for you, but kids are a lot of work, time, money, headaches, etc. Its like if you dont want to go to jail dont break the law. Planned parenthood offers practically free services, exams, birth control, and you can buy condoms extremely cheap. I became sexually active at 16 and they were my first stop. I took birth control religiously and made my boyfriend wear protection and we were together for four years without any problems. Just make sure you take the pill the same time everyday. But the best would be to get an IUD. My friend never had kids but they gave her one at 19 so you might get lucky. If none of these options are available than dont have intercourse. there are a lot of other ways to have 'fun' without risking these complications.

Answer 4

Normally I wouldn't advise someone whether they should choose adoption for their child or not, because it's such a personal decision. However, I think in this case, yes adoption would be the best choice for your baby.
Caring for a newborn and 1 year old can be very challenging even for a much older and experienced married couple. i think you need to think about how this will effect not only your unborn child, but also the child you are already raising.
Unfortunetly, becoming a mother at such a young age makes you have to grow up very fast. You need to make a grown up decision right now and do what's best for both children.
Either way, please get counseling as soon as possible. I wish you luck in this difficult situation.

Answer 5

We are similar in a way Im 25 years old and I am 8 months pregnant with my second child, my first is 2 years old. I was going to give my child up for adoption and I started the paperwork at about 6 to 7 months pregnant. I just decided in this last month that I dont want to go through with adoption I was scared I would spend the rest of my life wondering what if. It has been extremely hard raising my son but I have made it work and so have you obviously. At least its the same guy and seems like he is around, I have two different dads and neither are around. I went through and adoption agency Lifetime Adoption out of California with a lady named Veronica they were really helpful and they got everything taken care of quickly. I got to pick a family and speak to them. I regret that they were ready for a baby and I decided not to go through with it. You have to do whats right for you and you have to think about all aspects. People are going to talk about you no matter what you do so just ignore the negative and focus on the positive.

Answer 6

Okay sweetie, I do think that your babies deserve a better life than a 14 year old can give. I know that you will love your baby, but love alone itsn't going to raise the little one. If you want my opinion, I would say yes, adoption is the best idea.

I have a cousin who had a baby when he was 14, his girlfriend was as well. That baby is now 5 years old, and the only thing the two of them actually agree on is that they should have put her up for adoption, while they love her, she would have had a much better first 5 years if they would have let a family who was more stable and prepared to raise their child.

Good luck!

Answer 7

This is truly sad you think you would have learned from your first pregnancy. Well you have to do what you think is best but as you already know taking care of one baby at 14 is probably hard enough , let alone 2: one who will be an infant and one who is or will soon be toddling around soon. You might also want to stop having sex till your least 17 or 18, unless you want to be 19 and already have like 4 or 5 children. If you unwisely insist on continuing to have sex you better use Condoms, birthcontrol pills and spermcide.

Adoption could be a good option but you have to discuss that with the father. It could give your baby a better life no offense. At 14 you dont even have a job and if you do it probably doesn't pay much. You cant drive so you have to depend on your parents or someone of driving age, to drive you somewhere if you run out of diapers or your child takes ill and need to go to the hospital.

Answer 8

Adoption is painful. It's painful for the child and painful for you. If it's a closed adoption your child probably never know who you are. They will wonder why they weren't good enough and why you didn't love them enough to keep them.

I don't think you should give your baby away simply because you're young. Join a church. Get some real support with your life. Adoption is forever. Can you honestly say you won't wonder what is happening to your baby if you give it away?

Keep your baby, grow up and take birth control. Adoption isn't an easy simple solution.

On the other hand I have to say if you can choose a family that is wealthy choose that option. Chose a man and woman who are intelligent, loving and kind.

Answer 9

Your 14 and you have one child and now you have another one on the way. Being 14 can be touch enough without having two kids to raise. Since you have kind of put yourself in an adult situation, you need to sit back and look at it like an adult. Would it be better for you baby to be raised by an older parent who can give it more as far as money and time, I am guessing you still go to school. I commend you for not taking the easy way out and aborting the child. I myself, am a mother through adoption. The lady gave me her son, let me be there for the birth and he was not her first child. She was older than you, in her 20's. I guess you need to think how you life has been this past year with your first child. Having a another one is going to bring more of the same. Having children is a blessing, joy and some heart ache too. Sometimes things happen to us in life at not such a great time and we have to decide what to do. I could say give up your baby because I know there is a couple out there that is dying to become parents like my husband and I were and we couldn't have many years of trying. But I know that you love this child. You love this child enough not to abort but do you love the child enough to give up. I will tell you on my part, my son's birth mother receives pictures and updates from me several times a year. So she knows how he is doing and how he looks. You could have that too. I know I didn't answer your question difinately one way or the other. I hope I gave you something to think about and you are in my prayers.

Answer 10

I think that would be the best thing you could do for this child. You are young and unable to give it all that it should have. You also need to realize that just because you are with the same guy that it doesn't mean that it is okay to have unprotected sex. You need to go to your local district health and get on some type of birth controll. If you are not good at taking a pill consistantly then there is also the nuva ring- great method, depo and an IUD. Please take this advice because you should be having a 13 year old life not the one of an adult.