But he also has been telling me that all his relationships in the past fall apart after two years & all his friends have waited 3 or 4 years, he is almost 30 and I am almost 25. I know he loves me more than anything I just don't understand why he wants to wait, does this mean he doesn't really want to marry me? We have been living together for a year and just bought the condo we live in. Everyone tells me his friends included how much he loves me and how perfect we are together, he even tells me that along with that he wants to be with me forever and he never wants me to let him go. He says our relationship is so much different than his other ones, in a good way he loves me in such a different way and has a ton of fun with me. Am I waiting around for nothing ?
2007-07-10 08:38:46 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
But he also has been telling me that all his relationships in the past fall apart after two years & all his friends have waited 3 or 4 years, he is almost 30 and I am almost 25. I know he loves me more than anything I just don't understand why he wants to wait, does this mean he doesn't really want to marry me? We have been living together for a year & just bought the condo we live in. Everyone tells me his friends included how much he loves me & how perfect we are together, he even tells me that along with that he wants to be with me forever & he never wants me to let him go He says our relationship is so much different than his other ones, in a good way he loves me in such a different way and has a ton of fun with me Am I waiting around for nothing? one thing I should add to this is that I am dating one of my uncle's best friends he has been told from the start to be up front & the same goes for me since it will put my uncle in a bad place he has told my uncle he wants to marry me
2007-07-10 09:19:35 · update #1
Sorry I am new at this and the only additional information I wanted to add was that, I am dating one of my uncle's best friends. Going into this we were both warned to be up front with everything because if things went wrong in a messy way my uncle would be in a bad situation. My boyfriend has already told my uncle that he wants to marry me. I am not sure if that makes a difference
2007-07-10 09:25:45 · update #2
Sorry, sweetie, but you are headed in the wrong direction! Your boyfriend already has everything he needs, with no reason to marry you!
I agree with Luisa that it's ridiculous he will commit to a building but not to you, who he supposedly loves. If he was afraid the relationship was going to fall apart after 2 years, why would he let you help pay for the condo? It just doesn't add up.
Go right now to the book store and get "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Berendt. There's a chapter on guys who won't marry their girlfriends. Read it, have a good cry, then pack you s hit and get out before you waste any more time with him!
2007-07-10 10:59:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Its a big commitment and it sounds like he is very aware of this. Remind him it takes about a year to get a wedding planned anyways so even if he proposed today you would still have been together about 3 years before tying the knot. Ask him what he thinks may change (you have already been living together for a year so you should know each other pretty well) and discuss these concerns. No relationship is going to stay the same for years on end, its just a matter of if the partners are mature enough to weather the changes that do occur. It doesn't sound like he is leading you on, just being cautious. Just be upfront about your own expectations and how long you think is reasonable to stick around without any more of a commitment.
Also, his previous relationships probably didn't just miraculously implode when they hit the two year mark, there should have been some hint things were coming to an end. Ask him to think about what those signs were and whether or not he is sensing them again. Discuss any concerns he brings up.
2007-07-10 15:50:36 · answer #2 · answered by Meems 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
oh, sweetie, go to the bookstore right now and buy a book called " why men marry some women and not others" by john molloy. it addresses exactly what you are talking about. if the bookstore does not have it order it on amazon.com. you are already into this for 2 years and a condo, and i can feel that you are already getting a little frustrated at the signals you are getting from this guy. i promise you this book will spell it all out for you and help you. read carefully the part in the book about a committed couple putting each other first. go and buy it now!!!!!
2007-07-10 17:38:51 · answer #3 · answered by jaded 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to tell you but your first mistake was buying a condo with him without being married.
Before you make any other significant purchases together be sure you are married. It protects you as well as him.
I would tell him that you would at least like to be his fiance...it doesn't mean you actually have to be married anytime in the too near future...but tell him it would make you feel more secure in your relationship to be engaged at least.
Also, if money is an issue as far as an engagement ring goes, you could always both pick out crystal one for now and get a real one later...there are now very nice selections of "fake" diamond engagement rings that are still of very good quality.
2007-07-10 16:07:44 · answer #4 · answered by Kelly 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Why are you in such a rush to get engaged?
Give him time. He says he wants to be with you forever and never wants to let you go. That's a GOOD thing!
Especially if you guys talk about the future.
Just go with the flow, he'll ask eventually.
FYI
Met my fiance March 2003. Moved in with him July 2004. He proposed Aug 2006. Getting married June 2008. So we've dated a little over three years and lived together for a touch over two years.
Don't rush things.
2007-07-10 16:22:01 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I was with my husband for six years before he purposed. I wouldn't doubt what he says just because he hasn't purposed yet. He's probably just not ready yet.
Believe me I know it's hard to wait when you just know it's so right! But wait, when he's ready, he'll ask! It will be worth it in the end!
Good luck and hang in there!
EDIT: I'd like to add that I agree whole-heartedly with Terri! Anytime a guy is talking about the future with you, it's a good sign! You own property together and if he didn't see a future with you he probably wouldn't have taken that step with you. He could just as easily had someone to "share the bills" as someone else so callously pointed out in an apartment. That he is preparing for, talking about and planning a future with you is a sign he means what he says!
2007-07-10 16:11:19 · answer #6 · answered by tnk3181979 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Okay girl, get out of that living arrangement, grow up a bit and make a decision on who YOU want to marry.....not who wants to marry you! You are no way nearly ready for the commitment. You shouldn't be living with ANYBODY right now! Figure out yourself first!
2007-07-18 12:22:52 · answer #7 · answered by bevrossg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't wait around.
If " all his relationships in the past fall apart after two years" and...: He says our relationship is so much different than his other ones"...then what is he waiting for?
He doesn't want to marry you, you should find someone that adores you.
2007-07-10 16:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by gruffydd 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
See... this is one of the pitfalls (in my opinion) of living together before marriage (i dont see anything wrong it morally btw). I feel like it kinda gives the guy everything he needs so hes kinda like "why marry here- we already are practically married!"
You two are both of age and have been together plenty of time.. if he doesnt know after two years... when will he know? Id hate for you to be stuck in that situation forever!
Id say you have a serious discussion about your future.. if you dont hear what you want.. it may be time to move on and not waste anymroe time.
2007-07-10 16:15:40 · answer #9 · answered by la428282 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You need to believe what he's saying...and waiting another 2 years really isn't that long...BUT...if he has all the benefits of living as a married couple, why would he marry you? There is no reason...he has no incentive.
2007-07-10 16:00:39 · answer #10 · answered by melouofs 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋