Should I cancel my wedding?

Question

My fiance and I are due to get married in five weeks. In the four years we have been together our relationship has had some stormy moments but lately we seem to be arguing most of the time. Each time we argue he calls the wedding off, only for it to be back on a day or so later.

His brother (the Best Man) and I do not get along at all and I know he is against the wedding. I fear he is trying to get him to cancel it.

I am now worried that my fiance wont turn up on the big day or he is only going through with it to save the embarrassment of calling it off. What should I do?

Answer 1

Just because you say "I do" doesn't magically solve all the problems in your relationship, the problems will all still be there and there will be new problems too. Married is different from living together or dating, you can't just walk out the door. Personally, I'd put it on hold and try to resolve the problems now. Don't expect him to change just because you two got married, people are who they are before and after the wedding.

Answer 2

I just got married in May and planned the wedding for an entire year leading up to our big day. Honestly, we both wanted to kill each other more times than I care to admit to. But it was all due to the stress of the wedding. I know I did not make a mistake because only you can know the difference between wanting to marry someone just for the sake of not calling off a wedding and fighting only because of the wedding. If you feel you're getting married for the wrong reasons, then now is the time to have that discussion with your fiance. But if you're both stressed about things, I would just talk and remain strong for each other.

I would also have a talk with your fiance about the brother and tell him you both have enough on your plate now and don't need the immaturity and drama of the brother playing into this. Good luck!

Answer 3

. . . If you're not happy with being together now, why would you make that situation legally binding? This guy sounds like a. . . a jerk, really. I don't mean to be offensive, I really don't. But he threatens to call off the wedding at a moment's notice? That's manipulative. . that's rude. .

You need to be the strong woman and cancel things. Tell him that he is being disrespectful and rude. When *you* cancel the wedding, don't say it's back on after he apologies. Wait. Take a few months to work things out. You don't have to marry him. I don't think you'll be happy if you do, especially since the way things are going now.

Couples argue, it's natural. But it shouldn't be frequent. What bothers me the most is him constantly calling off the wedding when you get into an argument. Next thing, he'll be threatening a divorce.

Get out of it, honey. Seriously think it over.

Answer 4

If you have any doubts, then it's probably best you two aren't together. You are planning on spending the rest of your life together. It isn't fair to either of you.

Divorces often cost more than weddings, so just think about it. When you find the guy, you really know if he's the one.

But first, what are your arguments about? Are they wedding plans or personal problems? Weddings plans, that's a no-brainer. That stuff will pass. Personal problems - they aren't going to go away.

My guess is you two are bored with each other and are starting to notice each other flaws, or are just getting annoyed easily. That's how I was with a boyfriend I dated for 4 years, and have noticed it with past relationships as well. I am now engaged to a guy that I love every aspect about it. I knew straight from the beginning, and years later, I still feel the same way.

Good-luck, and think reasonably. This is your life. Don't think of the money it cost for the wedding, or how you'll be embarrassed. YOUR LIFE and HIS.

Answer 5

This is a life long descision, theres nothing embarssing about calling it off, to be honest the final descision is up to ur fiance not his brother or best man! If he chooses not 2 marry u then its his choice no ne elses, also u dont sound like the 2 of u are at the marrying stage anyway! Breaking up & then getting back 2gether sounds like ur still undecided. I think u need more time dont be in a hurry to make a mistake. The 2 of u need 2 be so much on the same page that u talk through issues, not break up & then get back together! When u get married u cant break up, & u guys havent found a way to deal with disputes, so what will u do then? -Nay

Answer 6

Have a nice, long chat. make sure that both of you are ready for this wedding....mentally. This is a person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. If there is more arguing than not, then something is wrong with the relationship. You two need to be on the same page for this to happen. Talk it over before it is too late and you've spent all that money for nothing. What are you two fighting about all the time? You are supposed to be in love right? I am engaged and while we have an occassional argument...we don't threaten to call off the wedding. This is the second for both of us and believe me...divorce is not a good thing at all. make sure its what you want to do....what BOTH of you want.

Answer 7

If you guys are always arguing now, before you get married, it will only get worse after you're married. Then you'll be living together, possibly raising kids together, taking care of finances together- all things that cause stress. Stress added to an already rocky relationship might break the two of you up. It might just be better to cancel your wedding now, and see if you two can still be a couple. If you are still together in a year or two, then you can discuss marriage again. I think it's better to not get married than to get married and then get divorced shortly thereafter. (Then you'll have to deal with returning people's gifts, getting an actual divorce, living with the fact that you wasted your money on a wedding, etc.) Good luck with your decision.

Answer 8

Sounds like you should postpone the wedding indefinitely and the two of you should go to a marriage counselor.

Marriages in general, go through ups and downs. The key to a successful marriage is not the infrequency of arguments and disagreements but how you navigate and resolve them. If when the two of you argue, there is yelling, name calling, violent behaviour or abuse, then the two of you should not be together.

Then there is the issue of the brother. Family can make things difficult and if your fiance is not willing to make it clear that you two are going to be married and the brother has to either accept it or stay away, then your fiance is not protecting your relationship from outside influences. A successful relationship requires both partners to guard against outside interference.

Give this alot of thought before you say I do. You can love someone who might not be the right person for you. It is okay to walk away from a bad situation.

Answer 9

You know deep down whether or not you should be marrying this guy. When you find your one true love, there is no doubt in your heart or mind that you should be getting married. I think I would call it off personally because there is too much conflict and arguing going on.....I mean, it would be one thing is this was unusual for you guys. But it sounds like you argue quite often and don't seem to have adequate communication skills to work through adult situations. I would take time to work through your r'ship issues before walking down the aisle. I know it will be embarrassing but wouldn't you rather endure a little embarrassment NOW rather than going through a nasty divorce later? It shows something that your fiance won't stand up to his brother for you anyway! I'd dump him just over that! I hate it when guys act like little wimps!

Answer 10

Sometimes couples will go through the arguing stage due to the stress of planning a wedding. That's why often times we are called...BRIDEZILLAS! You need to sit down with your fiance' and have a heart to heart talk without arguing and don't worry about brother. You're not marrying him! Try to find out if he's really ready. If not, then you should probably postpone it for a while till you both calm down and can communicate better.
Good Luck!