im 18 years young and the last boyfriend i had was not too long ago. we broke up because of a bad habbit of mine that i want to dissapear for GOOD! Okay the thing is I'm kind of afriad of men. Im not a lesbian and I am seeing someone and he and I have a 17 yr. age difference. And i love him but im terrified! lol. For someone whos dated alot of guys I never kissed a boy nor have I had sex. I dont know what it is about men but they scare my black *** lol. I love them but I've witnessed girls give their "all" to men only to be rejected soon after and Im afraid of that. So becaus eof my fear of being hurt by a guy I'm a scared virgin who's never kissed a guy...am I the only one? I need some advice b/c Im tired of the constant uncomfort around men.
2007-07-10 06:54:55 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Also does it hurt when you have sex for the first time ladies?
2007-07-10 06:55:29 · update #1
Morgan H you are a WEAK, PATHETIC PUNK I never asked you for your opinion on the age difference between me and my current boyfriend and who the **** are you to call anybody or anything disgusting? I see why your scary
2007-07-10 07:03:28 · update #2
Wow, you are describing me at your age. I was so scared of being around men, was raised with the whole 'no sex before marriage' way of thinking, and never had a boyfriend until I was 21. I was just too uncomfortable, and I was scared beyond belief.
The man I found is 'the one' for me, and he is 18 and a half years older than me. He knew I had never been kissed, had no interest in sex and I wouldn't let him kiss me on my lips for the first few months of being with him. He was gentle and patient, and I guess the hormones got me because I initiated our first kiss, and it was wonderful.
making love...that came a lot later...he knew I had to get used to hugging first and then things just progressed. Yes the first time hurt, but it wasn't as bad as I was led to believe.
My man was gentle, and if yours is truly the one for you, he will be gentle with you and wait until you are ready. You shouldn't feel bad about being nervous, after all this is about growing up in a huge way- not that you're immature, but I guess that you know what I mean- it's stepping into a whole new set of shoes!
It's scary to do this first time, but if you are sure that this is what you want, you and he will work out a way of working through your fears, like my fiance did with me.
Don't expect things to get better overnight. Take it one day at a time.
Please don't misconstrue what I say, I'm not an advocate of pre-marital sex, but I have been in your situation and understand your predicament.
2007-07-10 13:36:11 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Check this out. I was 2 my first time....and i was terrified. Not knowing what to do, or feel. But my husband stopped and comforted me and reassured me.... so my first time was dreadful....the second was amazing!!! First things, first. Once you hold on to your virginity, it becomes evermost precious and you want to make sure that you are giving it to the right person. Even when that time comes, you will shiver and feel unsure....even if it is with the right person....you still feel scared because it is a FIRST. In terms of the kissing. I used to kiss. Is it that you are afraid of actual physical contact? Have you been touched before in an inappropriate way? I urge you to talk to someone if that is the case. Other than that, give yourself a little slack. You're young, there is no rush. The part about the age difference is a bit confusing though, because obviously, the gent would be an experienced and wanting individual. But i urge you to please take careful consideration before indulging and then later on having regrets. Talk to your guy and pay close attention to his reaction. If he is compassionate and attentive, he will be patient and gentle. If he laughs of looks at you incredulously, maybe he isn't prepared to take the time. You know your guy, use your intuition and good luck. By the way, Kudos to you keeping it for 18yrs. :)
2007-07-10 07:06:18 · answer #2 · answered by chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're scared of men, I think you're scared of being hurt by men.
It's true, relationships are hard, on both ends. You never really know how a relationship will turn out.
I think you really need to work on trusting who you're with. This doesn't mean you have to do anything you're not ready for. But being able to emotionally trust another person is really going to help you get over this fear you've got.
You should tell you current boyfriend about all of this. He should try to understand and help you through it. If he doesn't get it and won't help you, then you deserve better.
As as for sex and kissing...you have plenty of time for all that. You will regret it if you do things you aren't ready for. Wait until it feels right.
And your first sexual experience might feel a little weird, even a little uncomfortable. I think that's why people say it's painful. But if you wait until you're ready and are with someone you love, you should be fine.
Good luck!
2007-07-10 07:02:11 · answer #3 · answered by T the D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would advise you to not date this man, as he could be a damaging affect on your life.. next, being a virgin is a great thing, and you can wait to fall in love and marry someone without having sex.. a relationship should not be balanced on sex at all. no conditions on it at all. so tell him that u r a virgin and when u r ready u will tell whoever will have the piivelege. a man 34 yrs old is excited about you as a young girl and being a virgin. he is truly not right for you my dear.. I am an older man..I know..
2007-07-10 07:14:06 · answer #4 · answered by spotlite 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hate to say this but therapy does help.
I too was burned after giving "my all". It hurts and is difficult to recover from, but you will never know if you don't try.
For the one who said date someone closer to your age...you don't need to do that, sometimes the older guys know better when they have a good thing and are less likely to throw you away.
As for does it hurt? It can. Take your time to make sure you are not even thinking (and yes that can happen).
Good luck.
2007-07-10 07:02:51 · answer #5 · answered by Gwen D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 17 and I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and neither one of us have had sex before i know hes ready any tI'me but i wanna make sure that i am till im ready then i wont have sex its OK to be nervous i am too because I've heard of guys being with a girl till he gets what he wants then he doesn't respect thats why im waiting its normal
2007-07-10 07:09:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay to be scared. Just be a friend until you trust someone enough to let them inside. And don't be in a hurry. You've lots of time. Good luck. Dating an older guy might be very good. He should understand your fears better than someone your age.
2007-07-10 06:57:57 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, sometimes it does hurt.
Being careful is fine, take a risk and kiss your guy. I suggest holding off on the sex until you are very sure you are ready. Try just to have fun, don't think about things too much.
2007-07-10 06:59:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
u have witnessed ppl./friends/family being rejected by men that's probally why ur afraid of men.ur mentality is that if give/show some sort of emotion of 'love' perhaps he'll leave me.it's normal it can relieved okay,it down wid ur mama,friend who's in a solid r/ship,counselor,physicist who can help & yes it hurts the first time but only brief but u'll be sore in the morning
2007-07-10 07:04:02 · answer #9 · answered by Brittfren 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive learned in sex ed that it will hurt the first time but not the next but i wouldn't no if thats true or not because i haven't had sex. but stay a virgin its a good thing to be proud of.
2007-07-10 06:59:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋