This is a very very odd situation. It's really hard to explain, but I've been involved on and off with this guy. He needed a place to stay for a few months because he's trying to save his money. I felt sorry for him and told him that he could stay with me. He definitely made it clear to me that he's not interested in a future romantic relationship with me. Just friendship. Now, to make it more complicated, about three months ago, he started converting to orthodox judaism and tells me that there no touching of any kind. He sleeps on the couch in the living room, closes my bedroom door at night, changes his clothes in the bathroom, and wants nothing to do with me. Honestly, he's been unfront with me, but I just assumed that he would "want" me. I want to ask him to leave but I feel bad because he has no place to go right now. The tables sure are turned in this one, and I feel humiliated, insulted, uncomfortable, and rejected. Any suggestions?
2007-07-10 05:38:58 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Also, he has agreed to pay me $200 a month and has kept up his end of the bargain.
2007-07-10 08:54:24 · update #1
Give him the gate! No later than **yesterday**!
He's a total LOSER!
2007-07-10 06:08:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad idea to have somebody that you are interested in becoming your room-mate to convince him that he should 'want' you, since it does not work that way. But you know this by now.
Wrt the new strange behavior, you just have to tell him that this is your place, and he is living there because you let him, and these are the rules (full nudity, taking out the garbage, paying half the rent, whatever the rules of your house is) and if he can't obey by them he will have to find a place with a more compatible room mate.
Honestly, he has been up front with you, and you should do him the courtesy to be the same. Since it obviously is not going to become a romantic relationship (in spite of your hopes) you have nothing to loose. He does not even seem like a good friend/room mate to have around anymore.
And, btw, he has plenty of places to go if he wants to. This setup is just very convenient for him, and until you make it less convenient he will stay on.
2007-07-10 05:48:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I normally answer questions related to computers or biz only, but your question really caught my eye.
You seem to be a very helpful person by nature and a kind hearted one. But remember, your roomie is getting everything he wants now - a place so stay, the right to practice his relegion of choice and independence... while you are left feeling insulted and uncomfortable in your own house?!
Its good to be selfish once in a while, trust me. How sure are you that if you need a place to stay tomorrow, this guy will help you out? Not sure at all right?
I think you should instantly sever this relationship which seems to border on parasitism.. Be extremely humane about it of course.. tell him how you feel.. give him time to find accommodation and move out.
No reason for you to put your happiness on the chopping block to keep another person (who you don't really really care bout either) happy..
2007-07-10 05:47:32 · answer #3 · answered by Chaitu 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have feelings for him then this is NOT a good thing. Get him out immediately! Tell him it's just not working out and living with somebody other than a boyfriend or relative that's a guy is just not something you want to do. Make sure you don't make it sound like you are giving him an ultimatum of "hey if you don't want to be with me then you should go" But yeah, not a good thing. You will only end up hurt or frustrated. Anyways, good luck!
2007-07-18 05:15:19 · answer #4 · answered by drewsjenn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask him to leave, today. You should not have to endure the emotions your are experiencing because you were trying to do the right thing. The situation is not working and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable in your own place.
Find a local shelter or contact a synagogue for resource assistance and provide him with some leads of places to live.
2007-07-10 05:45:58 · answer #5 · answered by slave2art 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think his main idea was to get room , but probably he didnt think of what your thinking of . But there is another possibility that some guys dont become free or feel shy in some way from girls .
But everything needs time , do you really want to have a future relationship with him or just the - present fun " ( could be anything ) .
Spend time with him , no one simply does what ever we think of . Or talk with him about guys - see his reactions - you can tell if he is jealous or not , if yes then he likes you but if no such response you can indicate him about you want him to leave . Its simple - - for doing it bring up your friends - play loud music , any thing to irritate if you want him to leave .
Or you can find him new place .... just tell him .. ok good luck
2007-07-10 05:46:33 · answer #6 · answered by Thinking 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is taking advantage of your good nature. It doesn't matter if he has paid you $200 rent. He knows how you feel, but it doesn't seem to matter to him. He just wants to crash on your couch and save some money. I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm being honest. Let him find someone else to live with. There's always people looking for roomate's out there. He's a man and it's time to step out on his own two feet and find a home instead of crashing at your place.
2007-07-12 06:45:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said correctly when you said you feel rejected...you were hoping that when he came to live with you, that you thought he would try something with you...And he didn't...
He made it very clear in the beginning that you two would be roommates, but you didn't want to accept the fact that he meant what he had said. Now, since he hasn't made a move on you, you want him out your space...
Go ahead and put him out, but trust what I tell you; he will not be your friend after wards...You promise the man could stay for a few months, then let the man stay for a few months...
2007-07-10 05:49:45 · answer #8 · answered by plumprump26 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight -
You are letting this man live with you rent-free.
He is not your boyfriend, he is not even your lover.
He is making you feel like an uncomfortable stranger in your own home,
You are barred from pursuing another relationship, because this man is a constant presence in your life.
You are feeling uncomfortable because your haven has been invaded by weirdness, and you no longer have a sanctuary to call your own.
You are martyring yourself for this man. Stop. He is using you. He will stay there as long as you let him, and continue to leech off of you and use you. It is your house, not his. It is your perrogative, not his. It is not your problem that he is unable to take care of himself financially. It is his problem. Unless you are running a charity operation or a flop house, I would tell him to get out and take your life back.
Good luck!
2007-07-10 05:45:40 · answer #9 · answered by HooliganGrrl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is why you shouldn't have asked him to stay with you. You were wanting to have a sleep-in sex partner and he just needed a place to stay. If he stays, he needs to pay some on rent and bills. Give him an option to come up with some money to help out or go to the YMCA and get a room.
2007-07-10 05:46:03 · answer #10 · answered by The pink panther 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that you will let him stay for 2 more weeks, but that it has become a bit uncomfortable for you in such cramped quarters...more so than you thought...Don't even bring up about the fact that you thought this was going to turn into something...you were being a friend, and now it is time that he moved on..
2007-07-10 05:42:23 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋