At 8 his Father returned to his life (he had never been before)& after 2 yrs he was gone - I had him prosecuted for molesting our daughter (10). it's been 4 yrs since & he's not doing schoolwork - so he failed. Is beligerant & stubborn, lazy & refuses to shower, etc., etc., he's alienated all but 2 friends & no amount of counseling has helped - he fights it all the way. He flat out disrespects the "rules" I place and is starting to get physical with his younger brother(11). Sometimes I feel like taking a strap to the boys fanny - he's too big for me to handle & he's even grabbed my wrist when I have pointed at him. His father was abusive & I just cannot do that to my child - I got rid of him & we have had counseling, boot camps are unaffordable & I cannot get the police to do anything. I want to help my son - I am desperate! Can anyone tell me of groups I could find online or by phone that would HELP me - PLEASE!
2007-07-10 05:36:36 · 10 answers · asked by martiek7 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Tried the activities route - he will not participate. I have a new man in my life and he's wonderful & very patient with with my son, but we are still in the dating stage - no this is not a new thing with my son - been getting worse since the day his father walked into & then back out of our lives. it's almost like he has this - dont care, dont want to, have no desire, dont need anyone attitude & I am desperate to get him to snap out of it. I actually threatened to take a belt to him, but when he winced - I ran away crying - he didin't even care about that - all he wants is to sit in front of the tv or read a book - which I support his reading,he reads about vampires and such - though he's not gothic. I am just very worried - I cannot be there 24-7 - I have to work & my family cannot do anything more then what they have already tried to do to help - I have taken hi laptop, priveledges, tv, stereo, etc., etc & that just seems to make him more upset & hell bent. -need intervention.
2007-07-10 06:07:02 · update #1
Can he live with some other famly member for a while? He is obviously lacking a father figure and could benefit from one. Maybe contact Boys and Girls club for a male mentor.
Another thing, try and get him interested in something he can exert himself in...maybe boxing or a martial art. Ask him and give him options.
2007-07-10 05:47:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said that you have tried counseling but have you tried medication? My 13 year old stepson was acting out in much the same way after his mother passed away about 2 years ago. When he raised his hand to our youngest (3yrs at the time) we knew that we had to do something other than the talk therapy route. He started seeing a psychologist and was put on medication. It did wonders. He now acts like a normal 13 year old kid and is doing so well that the doctor is actually in the process of weaning him off of the prescription.
Another idea that we considered was inpatient mental health treatment. Our insurance would have covered it if we had decided to go that route so you may want to consider it. Remember that all of your children have been through their own hell already and they don't need to be in fear of their brother.
Just another idea, you could call a local church and ask for help. If nothing else having someone to talk to (for you) could be priceless.
2007-07-10 07:09:50 · answer #2 · answered by db2437 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to sound out of place but when you say your going to give him the belt you have to follow through other wise when he see's you change ur mined he now knows that your too weak in that area just because is father was abusive you giving him the belt doesn't mean ur abusing him you love him so your punishing him. and you said you've tried taking away electronics and stuff well take it away again and don't give those privledges back till he can start being respectful and he can participate with everyone else. take his books away too except for books that he learns from books on vampires is in no way going to benefit his future. things will get worse before they get better BUT YOU have to be STRONG. don't let him see any weakness other wise he's going to know exactly what control he has over YOU. Good Luck! and I know you can Do it.
2007-07-10 09:22:26 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with HunkyDoryinRI. You might want to try to get in touch with a mediator through the courts.
Your son probably doesn't realize the consequences of some of his actions.
He could also be striking out at you and seeing you as the person who sent his dad away. Doesn't matter that he was a big ****, he is his dad. He may want to see if he is bad enough if you will send him away. He is still a kid and they don't always think things through...especially when they are going through the emotional ups and downs that go along with puberty.
Try this site for more information: life.familyeducation.com/teen/communication/34406.html
2007-07-10 06:30:01 · answer #4 · answered by Gwen D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am fifteen and i was like that when i was younger what my mom did was take me to a psychiatrist it really helped family therapy helped also maybe he needs a father figure in his life ask his grandpa if he would take him fishing or out to a ball game my grandpa is like a father to me and he was there for me in any time of need that gave me will to listen and be respectful to elders
2007-07-10 05:47:51 · answer #5 · answered by YO! 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call DCYF (Department of Children Youth and Familes) and file for a "Wayward Petition". This sounds exactly like what I went through with my step-daughter for years and seems to be the best way to deal with it legally.
2007-07-10 06:19:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh man...i feel for you. He definitely id defying you anyway he can. Maybe he is crying out for help adn really don't know what he wants. It has to be hard on hm with his father being charged with molesting his sister..thats hard for any kid to handle. You ahve done everything possible..not to be funny at this point maury don't sound half bad.
2007-07-10 05:45:47 · answer #7 · answered by inmybiz 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am not trying to be an ***, but call Maury maybe he can help with things
2007-07-10 05:42:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
i think maury will help but my opinion is talk to him why hes doing this and try to listen and not coorect him talk to him like you want to be talked to teengaers hae being talked to like they are unintelligent
2007-07-10 06:03:25 · answer #9 · answered by Un-Happy Gilmore 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Idk what to say, but at least your it one of those mothers who just abandons their children👍
2015-07-13 11:45:19 · answer #10 · answered by Ashtyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋