My husband was molested when he was a toddler. He is afraid to have children because he was told that if you were molested that you will do it as an adult. Is that true and is there anything i can do to to convince him other wise?
2007-07-10 05:18:18 · 25 answers · asked by SLS19 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He does want to have children.... we talk about it all the time.... hes just scared. And yes he has gone to councling and they have encouraged him to move on with his life. He is a great man and he would be an awsome father... I just want to help him.
2007-07-10 06:04:18 · update #1
very often it does, but it is not a hard and fast rule, I would say he should see a professional therapist. the most important thing is that he realizes what was done to him was wrong and a crime. Arepaet offender would most likely think was done to him was normal and be likely to do it to a child of his own. (my wife was abused so i have done alot of reasearch in this area) good luck, he is lucky to have you
2007-07-10 05:23:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he still needs some healing from that horrible experience. Has he talked it out with anyone, like a counselor or someone he can trust other than you? Maybe talking with others who are now successful parents who have experienced this as a child would help. Sometimes if you are afraid about cycles of these things having a pastor or someone pray over you could help. It would all come down to his willingness to allow others to help him. Also, my husband was molested when he was a child and he is a wonderful dad. But, Jesus Christ has also done an awesome work in his life since then. So, no I do not believe it is always repeated. Especially since your husband has a choice to control himself. I know some people don't believe that Jesus can help, but ya know if you don't believe that Jesus can help it couldn't hurt to try starting there! It is always worth a try.
2007-07-10 12:35:14 · answer #2 · answered by graceabounds 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many molesters were molested as children but it's not like a 100% rule. People are more content with simply locking up sexual predators and throwing away the key than really spending time studying the causes of their behavior so at this point no one really knows whether it's genetic or environmental reasons that sexual predators exist. Perhaps your husband should see a counselor, see if those urges are in there and then see what to do at that point. At this point it's unclear as to whether he even has the desire to engage in such behaviors.
2007-07-10 12:22:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Husband and his sister were molested and we have three well adjusted, children. He would probably kill someone who even looked at our kids wrong. The thought has never crossed his mind and he has nothing to do with the family member who molested him and his sister.
Talk to your Husband. Does he have those kind of thoughts. Is that the reason why he doesn't want children? Maybe he has those types of feelings. Ask him. Seek help if he does. If this is not the case, maybe he just does not want kids and has found a good enough excuse to sell it to you.
2007-07-10 12:25:36 · answer #4 · answered by Ra-ra 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This statement is totally untrue. I was molested as a child and I now have two children of my own. Not once have I ever had the desire, nor the inclination to molest either of my children or anyone else's. The whole idea is just sickening to me.
You may need to come to terms with the fact that, you may never have children with your husband...he seems convinced that he is capable of offending if given the chance...neither you or his therapist have persuaded him to think and feel any differently. He may be destined to carry this unfortunate belief within himself for the rest of his life. That's very sad.
2007-07-10 13:46:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly there are studies that indicate that the majority of convicted pedophiles were molested as children and it seems to harbor a fascination for them in their adult lives in regard to children and sexuality. But not every molested child becomes a pedophile.
The fact that your husband is so acutely aware of the potential problems he could face as a father is a positive sign that with counseling and therapy he should be able to overcome these issues.
Emphasize your faith in him as a good man who you love deeply. That he is a good man with a good heart and that he is not to blame for what happened to him in his childhood. That now is his opportunity to give his child the childhood that he should have had. That the past is the past and while it will always be there it does not have to be what shapes the future.
I wish you and your husband well. I'm so sorry that your husband had to endure such things in his childhood. But now he must have faith in the future.
2007-07-10 12:33:17 · answer #6 · answered by Melly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a bunch of crap. Lots of kids are molested and grow up to be loving parents with no such thoughts.
He may be just using this as an excuse. Shame on you two for not discussing children before you were married. You can't "convince" someone into being a parent. They are either ready or not.
2007-07-10 12:23:33 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Studies suggest that it is true. However, did he get counseling at any time before now? That type of behavior is learned behavior. That is why it is so common to hear that child molesters were molested as kids.
However, that doesn't mean he can't break the cycle. Good luck and God Bless
2007-07-10 12:22:29 · answer #8 · answered by TheSafetyMan 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
thats an excuse not to have children. Though it is true that child molsesters generally have a history of being molested, that doesnt equate to them all always desiring to molest...if he does then he should get therapy for it.
2007-07-10 12:23:11 · answer #9 · answered by David B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's true that someone who has been abused tends to repeat the pattern of abuse. If he is dead set against repeating the pattern , he can break the cycle. Counseling would be a good idea. The fact that he is afraid to have children because of it shows that he does not want to be an abuser. There is hope.
2007-07-10 12:23:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. I'm sure he wouldnt want his child to go through the pain he did. That should motivate him to want to be a parent and give his child the best. Has he had thoughts of wanting to do that to children? If not then he has nothing to worrie about, and he needs to stop listening to people. Everyones different. You can grow up never being hit by your parents, but hit your own children. His actions he can control. Lay the past to rest and live your life.
2007-07-10 12:26:36 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋