How do I tell my MIL for the millionth time we can not afford to go to her daughter or sons wedding?

Question

Ok, my SIL is getting married in Mexico and we can't afford $2000 (this is just for plane tickets) for a weekend to Mexico and the drive is too far for us to go with our 1 and 3yr old......again, just for the weekend. We live in NW IN. Ok, so I keep telling my MIL that we just can't afford to go and my huabnd is mad that they are even getting married in Mexico and didn't offer to pay since we have had financial probs, almost got a divorce 2yrs ago and I am not working..........so it is really annoying us that my mil keeps bugging us about it. I just want to slap her and yell "WE DON"T HAVE MONEY!!!!!!" I mean if we did, of course we would go but we are broke but Saturday was my SIL's bridal shower...........and again this the chorus of how WE HAVE to go cause its my husbands only sister blah blah blah....hey I am all about family and I am the first one to tell my hubby to go alone but he refuses........he says he won't go alone...so should I just ignore her? buts its very annoying!

oh and I forgot to include that my SIL is getting married in October and my BIL is getting married in December....

Of course we gave her a gift....I am not offended, its her wedding and her day and she should have it where ever she wants but it was funny cause when we were cleaning up I told my MIL we should save some of the decorations for the "new" SIL's bridal shower and she said, no, i don't think we should have a bridal shower for her cause they are getting married in MEXICO...........ARE YOU SERIOUS????????? I chuckled and said, um...your daughter is getting married in Mexico also and you had a shower for her?????????

well my husband refuse to accept money from her...he thinks its dumb that she get married over there just to have a cheap wedding. They are Mexican and born there but came when they were young and are not even close to the family there and she is getting married in the grooms town, again born and raised here and probably doesn't really know his family there either...so he says she obviously doesn't care if he goes or not but its his mom that is pressuring us...

Sondra, I did go to her bridal shower and bought her a gift and check plane tickets from Chicago to Monterrey Mexico for October 13th for 2 adults a 3yr old and a 1yr old....lat I checked it was like $1800 and so you know I drove an hr to her bridal shower in 92 degree weather with my kids to make it to her shower and my van has to AC beacuse I can't afford the LUXURY of a new car and I prefer to stay home with my kids rather than have someone else raise them for me :)

Answer 1

okay, all the people who called you rude are VERY rude. you should never be pressured into going to a destination wedding! it was clear from your first post you DID go to her bridal shower and people were telling you to go to the wedding. SOME of us can read.

personally, if i were you, i would say why isn't this subject dropped? we are not going, the end. if i had two small children, the day care alone would cost so much it would probably be cheaper for me to stay home than go out in the work force. and i was working, i would not cough up all that cash for a weekend trip (which will end up being more than 2k, there is a hotel, food, ect. that is a lot of money for anyone who has a small little family).

i am also Mexican, but i did not see the sense in driving(yes, driving, i have never been on a plane since the age of 3, i am scared to death) to a place that really has no connection to me, i was born in America as was my dad. even if i was born there, but raised here most of my life, i would want people in my life to attend my wedding, not to host it in a town that i do not even remember. if that was the case, tons of people would be on plans and no one would attend anyone's weddings.

if it was really important for you and your family to be at this wedding, they would have a smaller one closer to home, then have their dream wedding. i understand family is family and every attempt should be made to attend a close siblings wedding. But i also do not believe people should go in debt because someone is indulging on their wedding. we invited out of state relatives to come, but were not upset or angry if they declined.

i would probably cry if they asked you again. are they trying to remind you of your financial situation every time they see you? no means no and that is all there is to it. send a card, a nice little check, and be done with it. your husband is more important than this wedding and this is going to cause more and more of a strain if the fighting continues.

you have a lot of support on this board and i know we are strangers, but being strangers helps us say things honestly and from a different preceptive.you two kids come first and i am glad you see it that way. i pray this stops, that you two can have some peace.

oh, and i would also feel weird about my husband going alone to a wedding. :( i am a new wife still and would like to tend family functions with him as much as i can. plus, if you sent him alone, they might go "oh, i see your WIFE couldn't make" and crap like that.

STAND YOUR GROUND and good luck in all you do.

Answer 2

Yes, ignore her. It should be expected when you plan a destination wedding that some of your guests simply will not be able to attend. Unless your mother-in-law would like to pay for the trip, she should stop bugging you. If it is really annoying you, simply pull her aside and explain the situation. Something like, "Listen, I know it's an important event and we would love to be there for Jimbo's wedding, but we simply don't have the financial resources to take a trip to Mexico right now."

Since it is family, not attending the wedding does not excuse you from getting a gift. You should attend any pre-wedding events that you can (like that bridal shower!) and be as supportive and helpful as possible.

Answer 3

I am in the Chicago area, and you really need to check the airline prices again. It will not cost you that much if you choose the right airline and the right time to fly. Once you're there, will they pay for your room? If so, I would try very hard to find an affordable flight to get there and save money. But if you'd still be stuck paying for a room, then don't bother.

Simply tell your MIL that you will not be attending the wedding. Don't hint at it, don't suggest it, don't make allusions to how you'll have to see how things go. Say outright, every time she asks, that you aren't going. Don't argue or debate it. Just keep saying "We can't afford to go. We aren't going." She'll get it eventually, or give you the money.

ETA: I just checked Orbitz, and American Airlines, not the cheapest way to go, would cost you $180 for each ticket. Your kids, if sitting on your lap, fly free. That's $720, much less than $2,000. If you continue to say that the flight is too expensive when it only costs $720, it will seriously look like you're just making excuses not to go, especially if you've had time to save up.

ETA AGAIN: Check again, darling. Airlines change prices quite often. http://www.orbitz.com/App/ViewFlightSearchResults?retrieveParams=true&z=76ec&r=5n&z=76ee&r=5p&lastPage=interstitial
This result was for Friday, Oct. 12. My computer froze when I tried the 13.

It sounds to me as though the man you married has Mexican hertiage. If this is the case, you can't blow off events that relate to his culture. You really do need to try super hard to make this work.

Answer 4

I saw your posting yesterday and was so shocked that I had to tell your story to my husband who also sympathized with you. I think they are all selfish and self centered. Tell them that if they want to get married in another country then they have to understand that people won't be able to come. You have children and a family. Those are your first priority and they should understand that. It is obvous that you are a caring person who wants peace in the family but it't not worth all of the stress. I am going through a similar situation with my sister-in-law's wedding and thankfully my husband finally stood up for himself. You are only required to give a gift and tell them best wishes. They will get over it. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Try calling up your sister-in-law and explaining the situation to her. Tell her that you would really love to be able to be there for her special day, but you simply cannot afford to attend their destination wedding. Often, if they can, the bride and groom will help you with getting there. If they can't help out, then there's nothing you can do. But at least, next time your MIL says something, you can say "I've already spoken with the bride about the matter"

Answer 6

Tell her that it is the final time you are going to tell her you won't be able to make it due to financial issues and that you regret not being able to go, but, it's just not possible. Ignore her trying to guilt trip you if possible, you know what your life is like and what you can afford, she doesn't.. I know it's cliche but try not to let her get to you. Maybe you can invite the new couple up for a visit after the wedding, or before even so you can have a personal celebration w them

Answer 7

I would be honest and tell her you don't have the money. Suggest if it is that important to her, then perhaps she should pay for it. And yes, if she is rude enough to bring it up in front of a bunch of people at the bridal shower . . . then have no qualms about telling her in front of them.

I was going to suggest that you send hubby by himself, but you say he doesn't want to do that.

I've always noticed that in the best marriages, hubby deals with his family . . . and wife deals with hers. The ideal would be for your hubby to tell his mom that you all don't have the money, will not be going, and it is time to drop the subject.

Good luck to you, hon. Let's face it . . . if it were important to SIL that absolutely everyone be at her wedding, then she would have had it at home.

Answer 8

come right out and tell her "we dont have money...end of discussion!" thats all you have to say. if she wants to keep going on about it then let her. tell her that her carrying on about it wont change the fact that you cant afford it. then just ignore her. if you dont have the money there is nothing you can do about it. I do however dotn think its right that your husband is mad they are getting married in Mexico. they do have the right to marry wherever they want to, but they just cant expect everyone to show up if they choose to have a wedding there. they dont have any obligation to pay for you so hubby is wrong there.

Answer 9

you should only have to tell her once...your husband should talk to his parents/family with you and then if it is brought up again simply say..."we've already discussed it and nothing has changed since then" drop it and walk away.....if this is truly something that you can not do then what is the point of getting upset about it....you are making the only choice you can and that's all there is to it....when the newly married couple comes home invite them over for dinner so they can show you wedding pics etc....

Answer 10

I personally think destination weddings are stupid and selfish. It's ridiculous to expect people to pay so much for airline tickets and accomodations to attend someone's wedding. If the bride or her mother want you to attend so badly then tell them they are free to pay for your expenses if they want you there, but you do not have the money and have no way of coming up with the funds to go. Ask your mil how she expects you to spend money you don't have. Ask her if she wants you to rob a bank to get it. If she doesn't let it go then you really need to have your husband take care of the matter and be blunt with his mom and tell her to either pay your expenses or back off.