Weird question for you all?

Question

OK SO IM 20 YEARS OLD AND I'VE BEEN TALKING 2 THIS GUY THAT'S 17 (HE WILL B 18 IN ONE MONTH) BUT HE SEEMS TO LIKE ME AND WELL I SEEM TO LIKE HIM. HE IS INTO CLUBS AND ALL THAT BECAUSE HE WORKS AT ONE SO MOSTLY WE ALL WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT IS NIGHTLIFE AND WE'RE STARTING TO GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER. THERE IS ONE THING THAT HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT ME, I HAVE 2 CHILDREN!!! NOW I THINK IT'S TIME TO BRING IT UP BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO START?? MOSTLY I'VE BEEN CHATTING WITH HIM ON MYSPACE SO I THINK I'LL DO IT THROUGH THERE. I LOVE MY KIDS AND WANT HIM TO KNOW ABOUT THEM. (NOT THAT HE'S GONNA BE AROUND THEM) STRICTLY BECAUSE I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. BUT I'VE BEEN SEPERATED FROM THEIR DAD FOR OVER A YEAR NOW SO.....ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO BRING THIS UP
AND NO IMMATURE COMMENTS ON HOW I NEED TO FOCUS ON MY KIDS BECAUSE I TAKE CARE OF THEM AND AM VERY RESPONSIBLE. SO IF YOU DON'T WANNA HELP DON'T BOTHER. FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DO......THANX

Most guys are kinda intimidated by me having 2 kids so I thought I would try it a different way this time.

Answer 1

Just maybe out pictures on your my space and say these are my 2 precious children! I have a little girl and the first thing I do is say I have a little girl the longer it takes to bring it out it does become more difficult so just let him know asap and even though I don't want a serious relationship someday you will want one and the first thing that the guy should know is you have 2 kids and if he cares he'll stay.

Answer 2

Like you said ... just bring it up in one of your conversations ... I wouldn't do it over Myspace ... if you're talking over the phone maybe that will be a little more personable ... he's young but keep things casual for now and make sure he knows it's casual ... that way everyone is on the same page ... I was a little scared to start a relationship with a young guy ... but he showed me if you truly love the person ... you will do anything to make their lives that much more fun & easier ... !

My guy was 22 when I started dating him ( I was 25 single parent & my daughter was 3 ) ... we're getting married in Sept. and my life couldn't be any better ... things will work out the way they're suppose to ... so don't worry if he gets a little taken back ... two kids at 20 let alone 17 is a lot of responsibility ... sounds like you know how to take care of them though ... good luck ... and relax - go with the flow ... !

Answer 3

Don't do it through MySpace. You have to tell him face-to-face. The next time you see him, tell him you are interested in him, but you need to tell him something before this goes any further. Something like this; " I have two children, a boy and a girl ages 2 and 6 months. I am seperated from their father. While I don't expect and answer now, I need to know if this is a situation that you can handle."

Now my soapbox: He's too young to deal with this. You chose to have kids early, he didn't. If you even begin to care about this guy, you'll break it off now without even a second thought. What kind of 18 year old can support a family like that? If you are looking for a guy, you need one that is mature enough to handle the resonsibilty of an instant family as well as the financial responsibility. I don't know what your/his situation is, but the average 20 yr old mother and 18 yr old guy doesn't sound like a wise combination.

off my soap box now.

Answer 4

First off, stop with the caps.

Now, I would say to drop subtle hints about kids and see how he feels about it. The guy is 17/18 years old, he might like you for you and want nothing to do with kids. First see how he feels about the subject and plan accordingly. I can tell you now, if I was 17/18 and dating a girl that was 20 with two kids I don't know how I would feel about dating them and worrying about that responsibility. Cause I would want to go out, be alone with you etc. but you may have to tend to your kids first, which is understandable.

So I'm sayin, just bring up the topic to him first and see how he reacts.

Posting pictures on myspace with your kids might be a good way as well, but may take him by surprise and he might bug out.

Answer 5

Maybe you should try to find someone a little older. A 17 year old probably wont be so interested once he finds out you have 2 babies. My best friend is going through the same turmoil. She just recently got divorced and is worried about what people are going to say when it comes to her 2 children, all I can tell you is the same thing I tell her. Those children are part of the package you come with...if they cant accept them, girl you can do better. Kids are a blessing some people just dont see it that way. So be honest with him and if he has a problem with it tell him to go somewhere else...then maybe start looking for men a little older and more mature! Good luck with that!

Answer 6

Well, does he know you're married but separated from your husband, for starters? He needs to know that, first, and then you can slide right into the part about having two kids with him.

I don't know as this is the time to bring it up, though. If he doesn't know about your separation, then start with that. If he seems OK with that, then maybe you want to mention your children, but do it in stages.

You might bring it up by saying that you feel like the two of you are getting to know each other better, that he doesn't seem like the type who would be critical or look down on you, and you'd like to share your pasts with each other. Then start with the separation or, if he already knows about it, mention the children.

Answer 7

Do you really think he want to settle down at 17 does he have his life together. Take in consideration that he is still a kid himself. Is he mature I mean if this is just a fling thing why even tell him at all, if its getting to be seroius then hell ya let him know you have 2 children and see how he reacts if he loves you and wants to be with you he will accept that you have kids and will want to get to know them, but if he freaks dont be surprised when he moves on wich means you didnt need the bastard in the first place you need someone that will love you and your children the same.

Answer 8

Well, the question is: What do you want from this guy? You say you're not looking for a relationship, but you don't say what you are looking for... Since this is a dating and singles category, I have to assume that you're somewhat romantically interested.

My suggestion: What you don't want to hear. I wouldn't go messing around. Yes, you're young... I am 20, as well. But you have two kids to raise, and to be seeing guys that you already know won't lead to any kind of serious relationship or father figure shouldn't be a priority...

Answer 9

when i was 20 i had two kids of my own to focus on, i didn't have time for relationships that couldn't be good for my kids. i had to make decisions that were based on my 2 children. i would never try to burden a guy with 2 kids when i knew he wasn't ready for that type of responsibility.when i was ready to date, like you are now, i looked for a guy who already had experience in divorce and who had children of his own so that i would know that he understood how important my children were to me. i had kids young so i found a guy older than me and it worked out very well. we have an almost 7 year age difference. we have alot of fun together and we are both focused on raising our kids right now. we have alot of things that we want to do when the kids are old enough to be on their own. we can't do them right now but that is ok because that is what parents do for their children. i am sorry i can't help you even though i have been where you are. i can only tell you how i had coped with being a young single mother. i did try to date a few guys that just weren't right for me and my kids before i figured out what i wanted and what we needed. good luck.

Answer 10

It's all a matter of whether he's the type of guy that's understanding. If he's the right guy to start a realtionship with then he'll understand. If not, it's his loss- the sooner you know the better, i wouldn't worry about what he thinks because at the end of the day your children would come over him any day and it's not like he's in a serious relationship with you. Good luck and hope everything goes well! :-)