I cheated on my husband/ HELP ME!?

Question

Okay, I have been having an affair for the last 9 months with someone I got to love dearly. My husband is the sweetest man and he has done everything for me. He has been there for me and my family. The thing is before I started the affair I asked my husband that, " I do not want to be married to him anymore but he insisted we work it out. He has put his whole life aside 10 years to protect me and do everything for me. I really want like this other man like I love my husband but I am attched. I want to leave this other man because I want to be with my husband and make things work. The thing is my husband wants me to call this other man and end it in his presence, after that end it with him. He will turn around and cry in disbelief and than turn around and hold me tight and tells me he loves me. He was crying all night. He wants a divorce from me one minute and the next, he claims he loves me and he doesn't want to share me with another man. I was wrong.

Answer 1

Some counseling is definitely in order if you want ANY kind of healthy relationship.

Answer 2

It's true...you were wrong.

I'm not sure what help any of us can offer, except to say that you should simply comply with his request...Call the other man, while you're with your husband, and tell him directly and in no uncertain terms that you MUST break it off, and you CANNOT see him ever again.

Then, in the presence of your husband, delete every email, text message or voicemail message you may have been saving. Be sure that his number is removed from your cell phone.

Then, get down on your hands and knees and beg your husband for forgiveness. He has been trying to work this out, and you have been doing exactly the opposite. If your husband divorces you, and you're left completely alone, then you have only gotten what you have been trying to get!

You made a commitment before your family and God, to "forsake all others...until death". You need to grow up, and start following through on this promise you made. Honestly, if the electric company called, and you promised to mail them a check, you'd follow through on that commitment...Your marriage is only about 12 thousand percent more important than the electric company. Maybe you should take this commitment as seriously as all the others in your life!

Answer 3

What kind of a man would date a married woman for 9 months? Would you trust that kind of man? I wouldn't. I highly doubt that the man you had an affair with actually loved you. I'm sure what he loved was the fact that he could have sex with no strings attached. If you became available to him full-time, I'll bet he'd loose interest in you, fast. You wouldn't be desirable to him. You're very lucky that your husband is willing to take you back. If you don't appreciate that then maybe you should break it off with hubby and go with dishonest Joe until he tires of you (I'd give it only 30-days). Otherwise, I would do what hubby wants and end it with disco Joe.

Answer 4

This doesn't belong in the wedding section, but since it is... here's my 2 cents worth. You blew it. You're to be commended for telling the truth, but you have to make a choice. As painful as it is you, you need to decide who you want to be with. Your husband or your playmate. You absolutely can't have both!

If your husband is so sweet, why would you step out on him? Why did you decide you didn't want to be married anymore? Why did you get married in the first place if you weren't through playing?

Is this other man married? Does he have any scruples, to be messing around with a married woman? I think not!

You have hurt your husband beyond belief. In my book, you don't deserve him or the other either. If the other one will cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you. Remember that. I don't mean to sound so hard core, but I've been down that road myself, and the bumps in that road hurt very badly.

If there is any hope of saving your marriage, seek professional help NOW!!!! Good luck.

Answer 5

The fact that your husband knows, is a good first step. At least it is out in the open, now. Sit down with your husband and tell him that you want to work it out, but that you both have to be willing to do that. If he agrees, get a good marriage counselor - it is worth it. If you are Christian, go to your priest/preacher for help.
Now, end the affair. If your husband feels he needs to be present, then fine, let him be there. Your husband needs to be first here.

Answer 6

Your husband is the sweetest man and does everything for you - a trait that most women would kill for - and yet you cheated on him? If there is any chance that you don't want to work things out with your husband, let him go. Let him at least find a woman who will treat him right, instead of staying with one who is only staying with him because she feels guilty. Then do yourself a favor and get counseling.

Answer 7

Your actions have created a broken marriage. In order to make it any better you need to act on it quick! Or before you know it you'll end up alone! You heart should be the ultimate factor. WHO do you love? Don't drag your husband around the block over an over if you no longer are in love with him. You may love him, but you're not "in love with him anymore". Seperation or divorce is always an option!

Answer 8

you can't have your cake and eat it too. it's not fair to your marriage to have someone waiting in the wings "in case" this whole... husband thing... doesn't work out. that's selfish. end your affair.

period.


then you'll have to pick up the pieces of your marraige. hopefully, you'll be able to put it back together. if not, then you get a clean slate to start from again, and you will have learned a lesson.

stop thinking about yourself...put yourself in your husbands shoes. he's whole world has just been turned upside down, and you have to do everything you can to fix it. it's going to take a lot of hard work to earn his trust again, and you have to WANT to do it. but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

...good luck.

Answer 9

Yeah, you were wrong. You took vows to love your husband, not another man. At least you're repentant and want to fix your mistakes...but you've dug yourself a pretty big hole. I think, if both of you really want to work it out (sounds like he's not so sure), you both should get some kind of counseling.

But don't go around feeling sorry for yourself -- you caused all of this pain to yourself, and even worse, to a man who loves you deeply.

Answer 10

WELL SWEETIE, AT LEAST YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU WERE WRONG, IF YOU WANT THE MARRIAGE TO WORK THEN I AGREE WITH YOUR HUSBAND YOU SHOULD END IT, AND WITH HIM THERE, AND LEAVE THE OTHER MAN ALONE. ITS NOT OUR PLACE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE "SCREWED UP".. OR FOR US TO TELL YOU HOW TO FIX IT. BECAUSE WE DONT KNOW THE WHOLE STORY. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES, AND YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST NOR WILL YOU BE THE LAST TO GO OUTSIDE OF YOUR MARRIAGE. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR HUSBAND IS READY AND WILLING TO FORGIVE YOU. AND YOU MAY BE IN STORE FOR A LOT OF QUESTIONS FROM HIS PART. COUNSELING IS WHAT ALOT OF PEOPLE WERE SUGGESTING, BUT THAT TOO IS TOTALLY UP TO YOU AND YOUR HUBBY.. PRAY ALOT!!! AND OPEN UP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR HUSBAND... IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO THEN EMAIL ME ANY TIME....
BEST OF LUCK WITH WHAT EVER YOU DECIDE TO DO.....

BOUNCIN OUT~*

Answer 11

well first off, good job on telling him that you cheated. now think, do you really love this other man, or do you only think you do because he is someone other than your husband? ask yourself that, then decide. I would have to say go with your husband because he sounds like he is trying to forgive you for what you have done.