I have a step daughter, 5 yrs old. Her mother has SOLE custody over her. The mother does not want the child to live with her. She just got her back from the childs grandma who was caring for the child for over a year and a half. Now that I am with the father, we have a new baby and we want the daugther to come live with us. The mother went and took the child so that we could not keep her. But, now she can't handle her and is going to send her back to the grandma's because she is pregnant and will have a baby soon. We have been asking for the daughter to come live with us. It would be the best for her. She starts school. She has her own room. She would be enrolled in dance or piano depending on which she chooses. She would be more disiplined because right now she is not! Her mother works at a tattoo shop and thats what the child is growing up around. We want to just get her and keep her! Is that legal?? Would we get in trouble?? How should we go about this??
2007-07-10 03:08:02 · 17 answers · asked by New Mom_Christina 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Also, she has said that she does not want the daughter to come live with us because after 6 months, the father can stop paying child support per the courts. The father has been paying child support to the mom even when the child didn't live with her. She never helped the grandma and has never given her any money that she has gotten in child support. ITS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!! We don't care, we just want the best for her and want her to come live with us. We don't have the money to go to court either. Should we just take her to court?
2007-07-10 03:11:00 · update #1
The grandma loves the child but treats her as a baby. The daughter sleeps in the bed with her grandma and has NEVER slept alone. She still has to drink out of a sippy cup over there and she is 5 yrs old!! She runs all over them and does what she wants and she will say this out of her own mouth... "I Love my Nana because I can do whatever I want with her and she doesn't care!"
2007-07-10 03:17:52 · update #2
As a mom who has legal AND physical custody of my 14 year old daughter I know that if she has sole custody you can not just keep the child. It would be considered parental kidnapping or interfereing with a custodial parent...whether the mother wants her or not.
Your best bet would be to contact a family lawyer. Most give free consultations and if you cannot afford lawyer they will know of resources in your area to help with that. Sometimes local law schools will take on cases for student lawyers to work on while being supervised by professors. This was the route I was able to go while going through court with my ex over custody and visitation. I had a "team" of lawyers on my side!
If you cannot get a lawyer free or that you can afford and your husband has a child support/visitation/custody case in court with the mother he needs to have the case revisited. He needs to ask for a GAL (Gardian Ad Litem) a lawyer for the CHILD to visit and investigate the mother, the grandmother and your family with him to decide who and what situation would be best for the child to live in. They do charge and he can ask the court if they have a fund to help pay or request that the mother and grandmother pay a portion of the fee.
He also needs to ask about child support payments being diverted to the grandmother while the child is living with her. That money is for the CHILD whether it be to pay bills for the home she lives in or stuff she needs. He could ask the court to give him permission to buy clothes, food, or other things the child needs in leiu of a money payment if he is worried the grandmother/mom may be spending the money on themselves. Sometimes the court finds that permissable other times its not.
While waiting for a court date you will need to document everything in writing! When the child is living with the grandmother and/or living with the mother, how she behaves, is dressed (inappropriately/dirty get pictures), odd things she says while she is visiting you. If they are following through with the visitation schedule, when and how much you pay for child support and to whom it was paid. Even if you think it may be something silly document it!
The child is of an age that she understands everything now so you really need to be careful about not saying negative things around her about her mom and grandmom (not saying that you are!) In the end it should be only about the child and what is the most stable and enriching environment for her! What will be the least disruptive suituation for her as she grows and matures.
It won't be an easy road thats for sure and I wish you nothing but luck!
****additional info*****
Be very careful about "mud slinging" in court! The judge won't want to hear nasty and snide comments. Keep everything very factual! You need to be very careful to keep your opinons of her lifestyle to a minimum.
2007-07-10 03:53:42 · answer #1 · answered by girlzmommy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is best for you guys to get an attorney, and take the mom back to court for custody of the child. if you can prove that the mother is unfit, or is incapable of caring for the child then you should be able to get custody. It depends also on which state you live in, unfortunatley some states, no matter how unfit the mother, feel that it is in the childs best interest to be with the mom. You can also ask your lawyer to have the grandma submit an affadavit saying that she had the child for an extended period of time with no support etc from the mom. make you case rock solid, any thing you can use to show the mother is "neglecting" the child is great. Also you may consider hiring a private investigator, this will help support your case. One last thing, make sure the lawyer asks for a guardian ad litem, this is a court appointed mediator who ONLY has the best interest of the child in mind. Your stepdaughter is 5 and I am sure she can express her own thoughts and wishes. The recomendations of a GAL are litstened to in a court proceeding. Hope this helps. What ever you do, do it the legal way, the mom could be a real B if you get caught.
2007-07-10 03:28:45 · answer #2 · answered by angie77981 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it! Have your husband file for full custody and also keep record of what the mom does to the best of your knowledge without stalking her. If you get a chance to visit with the daughter ask her some questions and record the answers either on tape or on pen and paper. Chances are that since you and your husband provide the most stable life and because the child is at least 5 and can speak her mind now, they may at least give shared custody and then you will have full custody in the bag before long. You can also make a point of the grandmother taking the child all the time instead of the mom caring for her. Even though the child is cared for through the grandmother, it's best for the child to live with one or both of the parents and in this case he father is by far the better choice. Find an attorney and present what you'd like to do and go from there. I wish you luck!
2007-07-10 03:17:57 · answer #3 · answered by d4cav_dragoons_wife84 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, just taking everything you said as fact, you could get into legal trouble just taking her, if the mother chose to make trouble.
With or without legal assistance, the only way to properly do this is petition the court for custody. Get your ducks in a row now, document the money that was sent to her while the child was in someone else's custody, give specifics as to the child's current situation as well as the one she'll have with you.
In most cases you can't just decide you want the kid. But here it sounds like mom has shot herself in the foot, because she's clearly relinquished physical custody more than once - the courts are not stupid. They'll quickly see what's going on and award the child to the more stable environment. Your only contender would be grandma, but somehow I see that as unlikely.
I wish you the best on this - good luck.
2007-07-10 10:41:49 · answer #4 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow difficult situation.
I definitely think you should hire legal help, then custody, child support, visitaion etc would be sorted from day one.
You don't want the child to come and live with you, then the mother comes after you out of the blue with a court case of her own.
The fact that the grandmother has the child for so long, and will continue to raise her will be looked at. Your husband comes before the grandmother in the chain of things, but I don't know whether the childs' mother request comes before all of that!
Please seek legal representation, and bring this child home to you.
All the best, you sound like a wonderful family.
2007-07-10 03:19:48 · answer #5 · answered by Chocolate Bunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to see a lawyer and sue the mom for full custody. As long as she has custody then your husband will have to pay child support and he doesn't have the right to just take the child against the mother's wishes. He will have to have the custody agreement changed by the court.
2007-07-10 04:39:54 · answer #6 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on who actually has custody of her. If the mother does, you cant just take her without the mother's permission. I would advise best to try to reason with the mother, and if all else fells and you are worried about the situation the child is in, the father can always sue for sole or joint custody. Good luck. Your local DSS office would know more.
2007-07-10 03:13:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No it would be illegal to just take the child from it's mother since the mother has full custody. The father needs to take the mother to court and prove she is unfit to raise that child and he needs to get a lawyer.
2007-07-10 08:40:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't just take her. You need to get a lawyer and petition the court for custody. If you can show that mom has not been caring for the child for most of this past year and that you can provide her with a safe environment there shouldn't be musch of a problem.
Question: Why doesn't dad have at least partical custody of her now? If something happened in the past that his rights were taken away, that will make it even harder in the court.
2007-07-10 03:13:18 · answer #9 · answered by jen 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like the mother is a real piece of work. Her father needs to get an attorney and get custody of the child now so that she will become part of your family and grow up to become a productive citizen.
2007-07-10 03:50:24 · answer #10 · answered by Nitro 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋