What should I say to people when they ask why we are only having one child?

Question

My husband and I have a 3 month old. People are already asking when we are going to have another. We are only planning on having one because of age and financial reasons. We really feel it is nobody's business. People flip out and tell me that she needs a sibling. What should I say to them to shut them up and get them off my back?

Answer 1

I don't see why they need an explanation at all. But since people tend to be nosey, I'd just tell them that one is enough for right now. If you tell them you can't afford another, then they will probably wonder if you can afford your one child. I know plenty of people that only have one and it's enough. A girl I work with has a 9 year old and it was a struggle to have her for medical reasons, so one is really a blessing and if that's all you choose to have, then it's no business of anyone else's.

Answer 2

You know what? People complain if you have too little and complain if you have too much. You just keep doing what you're doing because sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Raising one is a tough enough job and you are making sure you give your child a fair life and not bringing in others that you already know you're not quite ready for. Maybe the people saying this to you have many children that they have a tough time raising so don't feel bad for a second! I would answer back with something sarcastic depending on their current status like, if they struggle and have many children I would say something like, "Why? So I could end up like you?" Or just simply tell them to mind their own! You just enjoy that baby and give it all the attention and love you can because once another one comes along it's much more difficult and uhhh very expensive I might add!

Answer 3

It is nobody's business and my husband and I get the same nonsense as you. Why would I want to have another child just so my child could have a playmate? Isn't that wrong? She doesn't need a sibling and she will have plenty of friends as time goes on. Believe me, I wish I was an only child since my sister and I do not get along at all. We don't even speak to each other. Why don't you tell them the same thing we tell nosy people? "Our parole officer told us that we're not allowed to have another child" - end of story. That will shut them up.

Answer 4

We started late (purposely) just like you and only have one and when we were asked the question early on, we weren't sure so we said said, "We don't know yet". Later on we simply said that one is all we want(ed). Simple and we usually don't usually elaborate.

If someone is crass enough to argue that we are doing (did) our son a disservice, I would fire back and say tell them that they are not in our shoes and we feel our son will survive just fine. He did BTW... he's 10 now and isn't any more spoiled than kids with siblings. He knows how to share, has empathy for others' feelings and does the right thing most of the time and feels remorse when he doesn't. Scholastically, he is in the top 2% of his class but I think he inherited that from me :)

It's really not that personal of a question - it's fun for me to deal with questions like that. There are a lot worse personal questions someone could spring on you... it's not like someone asking why your kid is black and you both are white. Haha!!!

But If you are that touchy about the subject just say, "It's a secret and it's none of your business."

Answer 5

Look they have already been rude by asking so don't spare them any embarrassment. Do what my sister did (who only had one child) ask them flat out "Is that any of your business?" or say, "I consider that question very personal!" or say "That is a rather personal question, don't you think?" Os say "I did not ask for your advice."

I realize that this might sound a little harsh but these people have got to learn that they can't just ask any old question. Put them in their place! You will be saving someone else a personal question down the road. After you do it the first time you will feel such a sense of empowerment you will be amazed.

It is all about standing up for yourself. That is YOUR little family you created so defend it and do it with pride.

Answer 6

You have friends and relatives who have children, there is the socializing. Tell them that you do not want to have more then one child because you do not want to spit out all the names to get to the one you R talking to. Tell them it is ok to have only one child a lot of people R doing it. There was a total of 11 of us and so many times we were short changed money wise and emotionally. Things were more then tough. This is your family U do what U think is best and the rest of the people can like it or lump it.

Answer 7

Tell them that it's simply what you and your husband decided for now, and then turn the question back on them. Ask them how many kids THEY'RE planning on having if they already do, and ask why they're not planning on having anymore? People usually don't think before they speak in these cases, until they find that "the shoe's on the other foot." Some of them might find it offensive that you hit them with their own question, but it will be considered less rude than just blurting out "None of your damned business."

Answer 8

I understand the reasoning behind one child. What they are not telling you when they say you shouldn't stop at one is they are not telling you are in a way cheating the child of having a brther or sister and growing learning life does not revolve around them. My personal oppionion upon having friends and family with only one chile-they become selfish brats that are easily spoiled. I have a friend I keep at a distance because even though she is a little older she lives in a world that revolves around her-she was an only child. You can be the best parent in the world to your child, but you cannot avoid certain only child syndrome aspects. That is why your friends are concerned about you stopping with one child. But, on the other side of the coin, you are right, it is really none of thier business. It is your decision alone how many children you have or don't have. There is nothing wrong with your choice at all. You just have to be prepared for the only child syndrome you cannot avoid.

Answer 9

You could say in a really nice tone, "Geez, I'm not sure--but you guys will be the first to know" Laugh, then leave it at that by walking away or changing the subject. If they still ask the same question, just tell them, that you really don't know and start asking them personal questions..they will back off b/c then they will know if you start asking them personal questions if they ask you about your kid situation, then they will start to back off. It's a passive aggressive way of doing things. Good luck.

Answer 10

If you don't want to get into a lengthy explanation, just politely tell them, "Thank you for your interest, but it really isn't any of your business" or that you always wanted to be an only child and that is what you want for your child, or you want your child to grow up in a non-competetive environment within the home, if they are so rude as to keep pushing, just tell them "Bite Me" and walk away.