Wedding Date Debate????

Question

I am trying to pick a date to get married. Ever since I was little I have always wanted to get married the first Saturday in October. I think it is the most beautiful time of the year. So my problem is that the first Saturday of October this year is the 6th. My mom passed away on that same date in 2005. and I don't think my mom would care, she would want me to remember that date as a happy one and not a sad one. Here's the problem, my fiance' doesn't have a problem with that date, he said it was totally up to me, whatever I thought was right. One of my three brothers, who would be given me away was very mad about me choosing this date, even though he didn't even care for our mother while she was sick. Should I sick to my guns and keep the date or give in and not cause any problems with my family. I really want all of my family there, and I don't know if he would get over this. Please help!!!

Answer 1

Normally, any wedding decisions are totally up to the couple, but in this instance I can understand why some family may be upset. My dad passed away 7 years ago, and the date of his death *still* bothers me.
It is a strange coincidence that you have always wanted the 1st Sat. of Oct. & when it is time for you to plan a wedding, that date falls on the anniversary of your mother's death. Maybe she is working w/you on this one? =) Keeping the date would be a way of honoring your mother & you can inform family of your belief that she would want you to remember the date as a happy one.
Talk to your family before setting a firm date & explain your reasons. They also loved your mother & this will be hard for them. You may want to consider holding the wedding on the 2nd Sat. if a lot of your family members are overly upset. Obviously, I don't know what went on, but people deal w/grief in different ways ~your brother might not have been able to handle your mothers sickness, and distanced himself. Grief does strange things to people.
I have also always wanted an Oct. wedding, but it looks as if I am getting married in April. My situation is not similar to yours, but after an initial dissapointment, I am just happy to be getting married to this guy & am having a good time w/all of the planning, etc. I am realizing that the date isn't as important as the outcome, and that I can still plan a beautiful wedding.
Good luck.

Answer 2

I think you should stick with that date. Since your mom passed away on that date, I think it would be a good way to remember her on that day and have a beautiful wedding. Every year after that, that date will not be as depressing as it once was because you got married that date and you can feel peace in knowing, that in some way, since it was the date of your mother's death, that she will be there in spirit. You should sit your brother down and tell him that's how you feel. You want to take away the pain of that date every year by celebrating your mom and your wedding and everyone will look at that date differently now. Tell him how much he means to you and how much it means to you that he is there. He's your brother, he will be there for you. Explain to him that you chose that date for a reason to make a happy occasion every year and that if he's mad, it's for other reasons. He misses your mom like you do and he's obviously still coping with the loss and he will forever. I lost my mother to cancer and I think about her everyday. I will never get over her being gone and neither will your brother, but he can at least try the best he can to make that day special for you and change the way he feels about it. I would go to dinner, just the two of you, cry if you have to, men will always soften up if you do, and tell him how you feel. He can't deny you when you are pouring your heart out to him.

Good luck to you and your new husband and I hope you have a wonderful wedding and have lots of healthy babies. Don't worry, your whole family will be there supporting you. Just remember, you will be beautiful on that day and everyone will adore you, especially your brother.

Have fun in your life.

Answer 3

Easy answer!

When you consider the fact that it is virtually too late to start the planning process for a wedding this year anyway, just push it out by a year. The first Saturday in October of 2008 is the 4th!

Honestly, just finding a venue with availability at this late date will be a challenge. Give yourself a break, and a little time, and you can have the wedding when you want, without stepping on anybody's toes.

Answer 4

Keep the date. It means so much to you. Also you can honor your mom at the service. It sounds like you really miss her but you realize that life must go on. See what your other family members think. Your wedding is your day and your family should honor your decission. Also discuss with your brother why he is was so angry. There is more to it that just the date. I feel that he is hurting in ways that he is trying to hide. He may have not been able to deal with your mothers illness and now he is feeling quilt for not being there. Be there for him and help him work it out.
Good luck!!!

Answer 5

Time heals all wounds. It's yours and your husbands day. You brother will get over it with time. If he's mad about it, then it's his problem. I think it's a lovely tribute to your mother to get married on that day. Have a memory candle lit in her honor or have a rose for her chair or something like that to honor her. You could have her favorite poem read.

Stick to your guns. After all, when it's over, you will still be married and your brother will still be your brother. Don't let something petty like this run your day. God bless you and congratulations

Answer 6

Stick to your guns girl. It's you and your fiance's wedding. Not your brother's. Learn early that if you change everything about your wedding to suit other people, you'll never end up with what YOU want. Your mother won't mind, and the idea of having a few candles lit in her remembrance is lovely.

Answer 7

you know what... Make the day a happy one to remember... I would stick to my guns, and know that your mom would want you to have what you wanted..

Today is a memory day for me.. My grandmother passed away 6 years ago today.. I look back on it as it was her time to end her pain and go about her ways..

You have to always look at the good in everything.. You have to celebrate their life not thier death.. And if you having a wedding on that day is what you want then go for it.. I think it would be good memories.. And your brother will come around to it.. He will eventually understand.. IT takes a different amount of time for everyone..

Congrats..

Answer 8

I think it is a wonderful way to remember her! And you would be turning that date into a joyous one, instead of a sad one.
Just be sure to make a dedication in the wedding program. Say something like, the flowers in the church are in Loving Memory of Sally Smith, mother of the bride.
Go for it, I think it is perfect!

Answer 9

I think you should keep the date. I'd recommend doing something on your wedding day to remember your mother (like a rose or candle in her honor). That way your family will see that you are not being inconsiderate of the date.

Answer 10

I think you need to do what your heart tells you to do. BUT first you need to really ask yourself if this battle is worth fighting. Will the weather be that different the last weekend in September or the second weekend in October. Is it really worth offending your brother. IF your brother was not getting along with your mother towards the end he probably has a lot of guilt eating him up inside, do you want to egg that on, or do you want to help him heal.

Do what your heart tells you to, but think about the consequences first.