My friend is getting married at the end of this year and I am in the wedding party. The wedding has been called of 2-3 times already and then on again. I am against this wedding and really thought the last time it was cancelled it was for good. Unfortunately its back on again.
My question is how do I tell my friend that I'm still against the wedding, should I even tell her at all anymore? How can I be happy at a ceremony that I'm so against?
2007-07-10 02:47:44 · 20 answers · asked by foodie 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just know that if they do stay together for real, then it might cause some discomfort in your friendship if she knows you are so against her marriage. And usualy whether we like it or not, the love relationship is stronger than the friendship.
If you have already told her how you feel I wouldnt reccomend telling her again, it will just make her feel bad, and put a strain on your friendship.
2007-07-10 04:15:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should take her out for a lunch or spa day and gently ask her if she is sure that this is what she wants. Let her know you are here and support her no matter what she decides, and you have some concerns about her marrying him, since it has been cancelled several times, that is never a good way to start a marriage. But, you shouldn't make negative comments about her fiancee or her decisions, that will pull her away from you. At this point, she is probably going to marry him, no matter what anyone else thinks, so, it is your job to be supportive before and after the wedding, during the wedding, and if it happens, during the breakup or divorce. You don't have to be happy, you do need to be supportive, so she'll have someone to turn to, if she needs it. Best wishes.
2007-07-10 08:01:17 · answer #2 · answered by LoveWithNoBoundaries 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in almost your exact position earlier this year, believe it or not. The only difference was, I wasn't in the bridal party.
My best friend was getting married to a guy that I still consider to this day to be a dog. He's cheated on her countless times including during their engagement. I don't know if he's done it since they've been married, but I wouldn't doubt it if he has. Long story short, he got with some girl he used to date at my apartment a mere three days after he called the wedding off. When I told my best friend, she laughed at me and said "oh, he'd never do that to me!" (you can e-mail me for the full story if you'd like). A week later the wedding was back on. Two weeks later it was off again (coincidentally the same time the girl he got with was leaving town for a while...), and after another week it was back on. They got married in April.
Moral of the story, your friend will either get upset with you for not agreeing with the wedding, or she simply won't believe you when you tell her you don't like the thought of the two of you getting married. I was seriously considering not attending my friend's wedding until I realized I'd regret it if I didn't go. Your situation is much different from mine as you'll actually be IN this wedding. The reason I wasn't in my friend's was because she wanted a very small wedding and only 3 members of her family were bridesmaids. You can tell her how you feel, just be prepared for fireworks.
2007-07-10 03:32:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you already agreed to be in the wedding party, that sent a message that you support that wedding. However, maybe you supported the wedding only up until it was cancelled several times. If that's the case and you've had a change of heart, then maybe you need to be honest with your friend and tell her that you no longer feel comfortable being part of the wedding party because of your feelings. But, don't do this if it's the last minute and it leaves her in a bad situation. Help her to find a replacement and don't complain about any money lost.
2007-07-10 02:59:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your against the wedding you need to tell your friend, and also tell them that you won't be in the wedding party. Hopefully its a good reason your against it because you'll probably lose a friend, because their is a reason its back on again. There will be no way you will be happy at the ceremony if you don't agree they should be married Tell you friend!
2007-07-10 02:55:14 · answer #5 · answered by Tommy's_Sweet_Girl 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should tell her you can not be in her wedding becuase you are against it , and that she has to find someone else to do it . Thats being a friend is telling her the truth of how you feel don't do something your totally against. You approve of him or you don't. You may risk your friendship doing this but its her life. You should never be in a ceremony that you are against becuase that is'nt right .You can't help the way you feel. At least be honest with her and tell her.When vows are being said they say if anyone is against this marriage for ever hold your peace that would be you get out of it before its too late
2007-07-10 09:32:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
IMO a bridesmaid accepts the request to be in the bride's wedding party because they accept and support their choice for a groom.
The next time it is canceled, tell her that you need to back out of the wedding party because it keeps getting canceled and rescheduled.
If she asks you or makes doubt about the wedding, voice your concerns. But only if she asks.
2007-07-10 09:39:51 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not support the wedding, you should not be standing up in the wedding party, if you really feel the need be against it, take yourself out of the party and let her know it is due to you not supporting it. Ultimately all you can really do is let her know you are concerned about her and the relationship, but it is not your life and she will be the one making the decisions here.
2007-07-10 02:56:04 · answer #8 · answered by happily married ( : 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Too bad, you'll get responses from people of all faiths and lack thereof, including me. If Mr. Olsteen truly finds gay marriage to be an "abomination" then it is highly hypocritical of him to say he would attend a gay wedding. Maybe he's not as hard-line about gay marriage as he says. If so, he should show some guts and leadership and be forthright about it.
2016-05-22 07:28:34 · answer #9 · answered by kathleen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, Dear Abby's column had the identical problem in print. Abby advised the gal to explain to the bride-to-be that it would not be right to be a bridesmaid in that wedding, since the friend disapproved of the bride-to-be's choice, but that the friend would be there if ever a shoulder to cry on in the future was needed. Good answer, I thought......
2007-07-10 02:53:00 · answer #10 · answered by lovelylady6010 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋