what do you do when your family member are suffering of an abusive relationship?

Question

it has to do with my brother in law and his wife. they met a year ago , got pregnant and married after less than a year of knowing eachother . the problem is that he abuses her physically and emotinally , and i have witnessed , me and my husband , such abuses repeatedly either in the family encounters, or in public when we went out .have decided to put and end to my relationship with them ,because i am anti violance . also, when i heard the news about pregancy , i got very annoyed thinking of the poor baby they will bring to this world. any chance they will stop the violance and have a normal life ? would the new baby help ? pls let me know because i am really worried about them , and do not know what to do.

Answer 1

I am so happy to hear that there are people that still care, but I am sorry about the situation.I understand you are worried but the truth is if she won't leave him than there is nothing you can really do. If she is just worried about him coming after her then tell her to call the police and put a restraining order on him.. If she is worried about having somewhere to go offer her your place or offer to take her to a shelter or batter womens home. They have them practically every where. But she has to want to get out of her abusive relationship in order for these things to happen. Sit her down and talk to her and find out what she wants to do and explain to her the house where she is bringing her child to. Often people in this situation don't tend to think about the big picture when it comes to kids in the household.They need to know the risk that they are taking and understanding that maybe one day they are not there and the kids are that the parent that is abusive might turn on them. Please talk to your friend and suggest that she talk to counselor that deals with these type of matters.Hopes this helps.

Answer 2

You have a duty and a responsibility to find a way to connect with that woman. This is exactly what you don't tolerate. This is what you stand for. While you take a stance...it is not just about you. This man is violent. If he is arrogant enough to show is stuff in public what do you think he is doing behind the closed doors? We have all learned too much from all of these cases. Nicole and O.J.? Lacy Peterson? This man has low self esteem issues and acts on issues at random. Then you throw in someone else that is going to become important...the baby...and he will really loose his footing.
The wife is doing her best to keep him calm. She will sit down when he tells her to. She will stand up when he tells her to. It won't work!! He will still go off. She will start to believe it is HER that make him mad. It is not about her at all. He has anger management problems!!
Befriend this woman. Find a way to connect with her GENTLY but bodly!! If she has no family to take her in...do research on "Battered Womens Communities" in your area. Become an advicate! Obviously you are worried. Better to contribute kindly now than be sorry you didn't later.
This is an awful situation. The battered women become so used to this behavior until they are sent new messages. Send a new message to this woman. Help to protect her and her baby. You can do it! We all have a responsibility to help one another. Help her.

Answer 3

My daughter lived this very situation. I just never saw the abuse when I was present around them for a family event. As time went on I would see or here of how he was treating my daughter. I spoke to my daughter in private and told her this isn't how a relationship should be. She was in denial for a long time and would defend her spouse just to keep peace. As time passed a real out of control "situation"took place and I said you as my daughter are not returning home with your spouse this time. he is on the brink of giving you a "nervous break down". The following morning she and her two children went home and gathered up clothes and went to one of her girlfriends to live. (The spouse was put in jail the night before).My daughters live became little rough while living at this friends house, but she finally listened to me and the rest of the family about leaving. Two years has gone by and she and the two girls have had to get counselling for the abuse they had lived in for eight years. "Abuse" does such damage to a person that you lose your own identity. this can be real bad! As family you must protect your own and do what you have to do, to save them from insanity. Talk to her in private and convince her "to get out of there". She will thank you in the end! THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF! Cocoa

Answer 4

DV is an ugly beast. You have done exactly what your brother wanted by not being friendly, hence not supporting you sister-in-law. He is slowly making her completely dependant on him so she will never have the strength to leave. Nothing you will do will make her change her mind. She needs to make these decisions for herself and she may never ever do this.
When the child is born, If nothing changes the cycle will continue. It concerns me there will be no one available to protect the child. The mother will be too busy protecting herself and trying to keep him happy to be 100% available for the child. The child is the real victim. t

Answer 5

why not go to him when she isn't there and let him know that he is an asshole and that you are watching and if you see one more sign of abuse, with or without her permission you are going to have him arrested and that will at least open his eyes to the severity in what he is doing.

Talk to her and let her know that she is one of a billion and that she needs to love herself and now the baby more than allow someone to bully or abuse her and keep the door open for her because it would seem she will be coming for help one day or another

Answer 6

Talk to the wife alone and tell her you know. See if she wants help, if she doesn't then don't interfere unless the baby is abused.