I want to leave my jerk of a husband.?

Question

MY husband is horrid to me and I desperately want to leave him far far behind! But I m 14 weeks pregnant and cant seem to pull myself to do it! I'm 25, I have no job due to early pregnancy illness, no money, my husband controls my car, I dont want to break my religious mom's heart( I have only been married for 10 mo.), I have no where to go (my parents have no room for me). I dont know what to do! And I m desperately scared to be alone right now, I dont want to have this baby alone. I dont want the child to grow up without its parents being together, but I dont want it to see how my husband treats me either! Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

As for the details of how he treats me, he is controlling (Wants me home all the time), manipulative, angry, threatens me with divorce and throws a temper tantrum if he doesnt get his way, takes my keys away from me....the list goes on! He is horrible since the minute I married him! He is nice for a while then then its like Jekyle and Hyde ****. He has mental problems but would never admit it. Too arrogant. I m really afraid sometimes for me and my child. I had a dream last night that my child was born tiny so its funny one of you mentioned that to me.

Answer 1

First of all CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy.Keep your faith until you can get out that situation if possible. Save your money when possible and get a secret bank account that you have your statements mailed to someone you trust. Keep to yourself as much as possible and think not just about having a perfect family because if you stay, you may regret it in the longrun. You dont want your daughter growing up to think that is the way she is suppose to be treated when grows up. Or your son to grow up thinking he is suppose to treat women like crap. And it not healthy for you either in your condition. You could get to stressed out and loose the baby. If you want this child and want you and the baby to be happy and healthy get out when possible. If you think that he will change his ways try counciling and stay to work things out. But dont stay to long trying to make him change. Not to you scare, but it may turn for the worst. But I pray that things will work out, and that you may have a happy family. If you need someone to talk to contact me at tlw773. Good Luck and Be Safe.

Answer 2

There are shelters etc. where you can go, but try your parents first as they may be able to accomodate you or they can arrange some place for you to stay that is close to them. Do you have any close girlfriends? Maybe they can help.

Eventhough your mom is religious, she would want you to be happy and safe. You won't break her heart. If it's an abusive relationship or just an unhappy marriage, then the child (yet to be born) is much better off just living with you. It'll be a much calmer, safer and happier environment to bring him/her up. This will be good for the mental health for both of you.

About you being alone, well you kinda seem to be alone now anyway, as you're living with an unsupportive husband. He is physically there, but what apart from that, by the sounds of it, what else?

Don't be afraid, your family will support you. Good luck!

Answer 3

Well the only way out I see is a womens shelter. Find out where they are around you. Abuse is not just physical is mental as well. If you don't want to be in that enviorment when your pregnant than you don't have to be. The womens shelters usually houses you and help you get a job that fits your condition till you have the baby and can get back on your feet. They are there to help women when they have no where else to go but want to leave the situation they are in. They are usually well funded too so its not all getto/ run down scary. My mom used them when she left my dad. And she had 3 kids! You'll do just fine. Believe me. There are alot of opportunities for single mothers out there. Your best best is when the babies born find a job that reimburses tution for school and get an associates then a BA. You can also get alot of money for grants as well while your in school to help pay for bills. Your mom might be dissapointed at first but when you tell her the situation I don't think she'll hold it against you. My dad was sweet as pie untill they were married. It happens all the time unfortunatly. Good luck and remember its not about what your mom/ dad or you want anymore. Its about whats best for the child that your bringing into this world.

Answer 4

Oh boy, that does sounds like a horrible situation. I wouldn't worry about your mom's religious heart because it's your life. I'm sure your parents have room for you somewhere. If they are willing, maybe they could make an area for you, even if it's in the living room or something like that. I wouldn't recommend staying with a man like this. I've been with a psycho guy before and it never gets better, take my word on that. As far as your child growing up with two parents...If you split off from this guy now, you still have a really great chance at meeting someone new someday and maybe your child WILL eventually have a (step) father who is caring and kind. It's HARD to break it off with someone when you don't have any money but I would do it anyway. When my loser boyfriend and I broke up (years ago), I moved in with my mom again. It wasn't the greatest thing but it really wasn't too bad either. It helped me get my mind clear. Six years later (your age now) I went on to marry the greatest guy ever. But had I stayed with that loser, I know things never would have gotten better.

Answer 5

Babygirl, I need for you to get into those yellowpages and call around to a shelter or salvation army, I have a friend in the same boat and she is going through the salvation army to get help. They will give you food and shelter and you want be alone, You have to be in by 8:00pm, which should not be a problem since you don't have a job. You might have to break your parents heart, but its better than allowing your child to be around all that negativity. You are 25, you have made the decision to leave, you just have to be brave and take that next step and walk out the door. Stop saying what you want to do, and what you can't do. You are the only one that stands in your way. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I know from experience that you need to leave now. When I was pregnant with my first daughter my fiance and I did not get along well at all. (We are doing great now due to a split up and then a little counseling). But at the time it was so horrible that I was extremely sick for 4 months of my pregnancy. The stress was so bad that my daughter ended up being premature. For your health and your baby's you need to get out and get into a more positive atmosphere. Everyone deserves to be happy even if they made a huge mistake. Also, if he has only been a jerk recently it could be that he's scared to have a child.

Answer 7

I believe that when you fall in love. Its the best feeling in the world.He seems like he is controlling maybe becuase he doesnt want to loose you remeber your vows through good times and bad maybe you should seek a marriage counselor. I f you honestly love him. A marriage is unconditional love, no matter how hard it gets thats part of life and there is always two sides of the story too. Plus your young but i would not give up i believe in faimly too and not seperating find out what you think that isnt there anymore show your children how things should be worked out not running away from your problems. Anyone can find the love again if they truly love there mates ,unconditionally just prey. Remember what made you fall in love with him in the beginning and why you married him . you can have that back life can be tough once you live with each other but you married him for a reason. Everyone makes mistakes, when you became one thats eternity through thick and thin i wish you the best good luck just keep praying it will work out..You just have to belive and have faith in your marriage. The bible says till death do us part.

Answer 8

I am not a Dr. Phil but..the way he treats you I would get out of there as soon as possible before it progresses into something worse. I can see where you are coming from with having your baby being born with out a father. But do you really want to be put in danger to where your husband can do something that harms you and the baby?? Go stay with a friend or a relative that does have room for you. Think about what is best for you and your unborn child.....i wish you well

Answer 9

If you feel you cannot get shelter from your family or friends right now, I also encourage you to seek help from a local women's shelter. Usually I think they are called SAFE shelters/havens or Women's shelter. Their address won't be listed so you must call them (this is for some women's protection). I listed a site below that has a list of domestic abuse organizations per state. Also, here is the toll free number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone] (2nd website I listed). I know it is scary to be alone, but your husband is abusing you mentally by putting you down. Please know that you will not be alone. You will find support at one of these shelters.

Answer 10

From past experience, it won't work out just bcuz of the baby. If you stay with him it will only get worse in time. If it's convenient for you stay until you have your baby and get on your feet but he knows your predicament and feel that you need him and that he has control and that you are not going anywhere. He will continue to use that against you, but girl have your baby and show that idiot that you don't need him. Take care of you and your child the best that you could and you will be blessed. Good luck!!!