Married with a troubled stepdaughter?

Question

My husband and I have been married over 3 yrs, have a 2yr old daughter of our own. My husband has a 6 yr old daughter from a previous & short marriage. She started having problems after her 5th bday and it has continued to get worse. We have joint custody
(she is w/ us half the week every week) My husband works versy long hours(sales!) so I am w/ her the most. She is good for the most part but is continuously rude, talking back and disrespectful. She was in trouble alot in kindergarten and was refered to the school counseler for group session during the school year. She is now in counseling one on one b/c of some troubling things she has said. My husband and I constantly disagreeingand argue over this, I feel he disregards and brushes off her bad behavior, and he feels I have gotten to strict now that she is having problems. Any advice or thoughts? Thanks so much!

I have been with my husband and his daughter since she was 2. His mother and her husband have been together since she was about 6 months old..hence the joint custody

She is having the exact same problems at her moms house as ours, and at school. She has been doing better lately w/ daily conduct reports assigned by her counseler.. thanks for the quick feedback

Answer 1

Your stepdaughter is a child. Your husband's child on that note. He should have great consideration for your having to deal with her and he should, as a father, discipline his children. Not necessarily using a spanking or anything like that. Talk with your husband, if he listens, and let him know how stressful it is. But don't show an angry side to your stepdaughter because she can tell her mother that your mistreating her and, "since a child never lies", her mother can request to have full custody. This will probably start another situation for you and your spouse. He'll think that your the one to blame because you did something and everything might get out of hand. I think that communication is on of the best tools for a good marraige and family. Good luck.

Answer 2

I bet you didn't plan out for these things before you fell for taht guy and married him. Anyways, what you can do now is forget that girl as your step daughter, and forget yourself as a step mother. Just think of her as girl, without proper family support. Try being friends with her. Convince her that yo uare always there for her. Create a bond. Although it has to be mutual, but if the other person doesn't take a step towards you, you have to put an efort and take 2 steps towards the person. that's the way it goes. At some instance of time, the other would realize what it needs to do and contribute accordingly. Till then, be strong and be wise. All the best... :-)

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Answer 3

This goes on all the time in extended families. There are counselors who specialize in solving these kinds of problems. When parents disagree, children take advantage, but they're not really happy when parents give in. See if you can find a support group for divorced/stepparents. This will only get worse if you and your husband continue to disagree.

Answer 4

what you need to do is this .......forget about counseling it is a complete waste of money get your husband and all your kids in the same room and talk to them all about what they all need to do because when your own daughter grows up his child will become a bad influence on her so you need to explain that to he just threaten that you will hit her or if you are not that type threaten you will make her not watch tv for a week or do double chores or anything like that and if she cries just walk away (she is only crying to get on your nerves)tell your husband that too and if you can show him this messsage because she will only listen to both of you(i know im only 13 years od but my mom has 5 kids and this is how we were brought up)use this advice and if you want to email me back to see what happens i know this was a long message but it was worth it . Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

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Answer 6

well it seems like she need to have a lot of timeouts and things taken away from her. I have a 5 year old son and i ground him from tv, outside, and the video games. when he does something wrong. he gets 3 times and the 4 time i have to say you are grounded for 24 hours (ex: hes grounded at 5pm he is still grounded until 5pm the next day) and my son is very respectful and listens very well. and if your husband cant help you on his child then maybe he needs to find daycare.

Answer 7

Be patient she is still a child. Am sorry to say that the world has not given the "step mom" a good branding. She is just reacting to what she hears, that all step moms are not good to their stepchildren. What you need to do is give her sometime and trust me it might be a long time but she will accept you one day HANG IN THERE.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

believe me my heart goes out to you almost in the same situation myself but i have a 20 year old stepson wanna be thug who has been in and out of jail and prison since i've known him, find out if there is something going on when she is with her mother, my mommy is filling her head with things she shouldn't be..i believe in tough love, hang in there!

Answer 10

Just be patient with her, she is only six, she is at the age for a lot of back talk, and copycatting what she sees.