I would think it's a bit hypocritical to turn up and stand at a graveside of someone you never bothered with when alive? Other family members say it's 'respect'!!!
2007-07-10 00:07:47 · 26 answers · asked by olivo 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
If a person doesn't have the time to visit or call me while I'm alive, then I don't want them at my funeral. I believe giving respect is a day to day experience. If I go to a funeral, it is because I care about the person. If there has not been any contact for years, obviously that person is not important in my life.
2007-07-10 00:28:28 · answer #1 · answered by jack-copeland@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the financial costs are onerous, don't go and send a sincerely written condolence letter to the family. Otherwise, how familiar are you with the surviving family? I'd go for them, and I've been to enough funerals to know that the families are keenly aware of who shows up and how much it means to them that you cared. What seems like a bother to you can bring immeasurable comfort to someone else.
Also, caring about someone and respecting them are two different things. I'll go to the funeral of a colleague not because I love that individual, but because I respect them and that sign of respect can ease the family's pain. It helps them to know how many other people will remember the one who's gone.
2007-07-10 08:14:34 · answer #2 · answered by Buttercup 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funerals are not for the deceased. Sounds obvious, but there you go. Funerals are for those left behind - it won't matter to the deceased whether you go or not. It sounds like you don't personally feel the need to go, to say goodbye or whatever - but would it be helpful to the family if you did go? Would you cause hurt by not going? It's those still alive that you have to deal with - think of those relationships and what's best for them.
2007-07-10 10:12:27 · answer #3 · answered by Becki B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not necessarily about the person who's dead, it's a matter of showing some support for those left behind. The dead person doesn't give a crap if you're there or not but if their loved ones get some comfort or joy from you're being there then it's worth a couple of hours of your time.
Example...(Just for the sake of argument....knock on wood and all that stuff) you died in a terrible accident. How good would your mom feel to see one of your childhood friends at your funeral?
See what I mean?
2007-07-10 07:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by Nic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If i went to the funeral of a relative that i did not get on with and that's why we have not seen each other for so long i would class myself as a hypocrite but, if it was because of distance we did not see each other then i would show them the respect they deserve.
2007-07-10 07:13:57 · answer #5 · answered by MUSHMAN 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would go, not only to show respect for a family member, even if I didn't know them well, but to support family members who were close to the deceased. It doesn't matter that you weren't close, and it's not in the least bit hypocritical, your support and sympathy is for the living.
2007-07-10 08:25:03 · answer #6 · answered by xanjo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a respect thing. I presonally would go, but as in life, take a step back and let the loved ones do the greiving. You are there more for support, or thats the way I see it. Its a time families pull together, some will be affected by it more than others, you are there to comfort the ones wo you do care about, who may be greiving for their loss.
2007-07-10 07:10:58 · answer #7 · answered by Liggy Lee 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If it's 20 yrs the only person's funeral I would attend would be a parent. Out of respect.
2007-07-10 08:47:16 · answer #8 · answered by i love my garden 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. When my mom died, people came out of the woods who couldn't have seen or spoken to her since she was a teenager! I rationalize that, not as hypocrisy, but as people using the death of an old old friend from bygone days as a moment to reflect on their own mortality, to reconnect with their past, and to comfort other members of the family with whom they MAY have had constant contact in the years since they saw this person.
It's sort of irritating to me on a different level. I detect, sometimes, that people have showed up for the most morbid and shallow reason, like to see how much their final disease ravaged the body of someone they once knew, or to see what they looked like. My parents both REQUESTED while they were ill, and got, closed-coffin visitation and funeral. They knew people just show up to ogle like hicks.
2007-07-10 07:13:58 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Vincent Van Jessup 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would, as a sign of respect. Even if it wasn't a family member, like an old friend, yes. It's just respect. If you had little or no respect for him/her, then you shouldn't go. That would be hypocritical.
2007-07-10 07:10:37 · answer #10 · answered by iCase 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋