What do I need to do to overcome this?

Question

Ive never been able to ask a girl out and Im Nineteen.

Nor have I ever felt comfortable showing intrest in girls who I have liked over the years. Althought Ive always been shy, I never go too long without having a girl show lots of intrest in me. But it always eventually ends, because of how.. *terrified* i am.

3 weeks ago the girl i liked shocked me by asking me for my number, and gave me hers. She said we should hang out sometime, but continuing the way Ive always been, I just dont feel comfortable calling her up.

Ive always been withdrawn socially. Ive never been able to let a girl know im intrested.

Anyway. I realise the way I am has to change. What can I do to go about it? You can make comments about how pathetic this makes me sound.. But I already realise it.

Answer 1

You're completely normal, but you lack confidence. (I've been there myself, as most guys have at some time.) Confidence comes from experience, experience comes from going out and doing it. I wish there was a nice feel-good/no-stress way of moving past this fear, but there isn't.

Make it a point to go up to 100 (yes one-hundred) women and say something to the effect, "I have problems talking to people, so I'm trying to overcome this fear. My name is ___, what's yours?" Talk for a couple of minutes, thank her for hewr time, and leave. If you are totally mortified about doing this, go to another city to do it.

You'll learn things at the gut/emotional level that surprise you. First, most women are VERY approachable, and will at least be civil to any approach. In the off chance you run into one or two women who are unusually cranky, you'll learn that you can handle embarrassment without any serious ill effects.

You're a likable person. If a girl offers her number and asks for yours, she is at least mildly interested in you. All you need to do at this point is not screw up.

As guys we tend to view women as the ultimate judges of what it means to be a man. This is a VERY poor way of looking at the world. After all, women have very little idea of what it means to be masculine. Recognize that you are a valuable person with skills and value that have nothing to do with what some stranger may think of you. I'm sure you can think of at least one thing that you are unusually good at.

Lastly, remember to be light-hearted in your interactions. You're not asking her to marry you, you're trying to get to know her better. In time, you will be able to relax and enjoy the interaction.

Answer 2

BTDT didn't want the tee-shirt.

All I can suggest is to screw your courage to the sticking point and give the girl a call, then go out with her.

She ain't gonna kill you (unless you go from shy to rapist is 6 seconds flat). And she can't eat you. The worst that happens is you don't go out on a second date.

It takes lots of effort to get over being shy, and I know of no short-cuts. It took me a long time to get over shyness. These days, my wife says I'll strike up a conversation with anyone and she is right about 90% of the time. The other 10% I'm pretty quiet and shy.

Good Luck. Surrendering to shyness deprives you of much of what makes life worth living. I hope you can overcome your shyness.

Oh, two things that might help you overcome shyness. 1 - take a public speaking class at your college or local community college. 2 - Go to your local community theater and try out for a part in a play. Nothing like the confidence of knowing your are giving a good performance to kick the crap out of shyness.

Doc

Answer 3

you are not pathetic you are actually in quite acommon situation many guys find themselves overwheled by girls so the ted to withdrwa from girls entirely which makes them all the more desirable you are not pathetic you are a challenge. what i would do is call at a time when you think it is likely that she won't be home and leave a message. if she does answer say is this... when she says no say (what's her name)? oh sorry i meant to call... sorry i haven't called how are you the #1 IMPORTANT FACT : L I S T E N she will en d up doing most of the talking... by the sound of this girl she'll ask for a second date say yes! check back wwith me for more info

Answer 4

Think about it...what's the worst thing that can happen? She could say no, in which case you'd find another girl. But no one can ever say yes to you if you don't ask.

You don't have to ask a girl out on a really fancy, serious date...you can ask her to do something like go to a movie (a plus because you don't have to talk the entire time) and go for ice cream afterwards, or invite her to a museum, or go play video games with you (but only if you're sure she would think that was fun). You can always try the extra concert ticket approach too..."My brother was going to go to this concert with me but he bailed and now I have an extra ticket, would you like to go"...

Don't feel bad, you're not the only one with this issue...my sister has never been on a date, and she's starting her 3rd year of college. She's just too shy (but in her case she dresses too weird for guys to approach her, too).

Answer 5

The less you do to put yourself out there, the easier it is to just sit on your computer and whine about not being able to date. I don't think you're pathetic though.
there is just one big hurtle you need to get over, which is picking up the phone and calling her, that will make everything so much easier. try planning with some of your friends to get together as a group and go out, and invite her.
little things are going to make all the difference with you.
i've never really been a social butterfly myself, in my opinon people are pretty overrated.

it's all about meeting the right people to break you out of your shell.

Answer 6

dude you just got to go for it. call her up and tell her you want to get together sometime. I was nervous too the first time i asked a girl out. It gets easier and easier though the more you do it. Just ask yourself "whats the worst that could happen?" things might not work out but you'll at least get some practice out of it.

Answer 7

just be confident man, call that woman up and spit game. I have always been kind of a shy mellowed out person but when it comes to women im different and wasnt like that until recently. Just have a "who cares attitude" do what you want.

Answer 8

youre not pathetic!!! u sound exactly like my own boyfriend, he wasn't social and i was, and he was so terrified to ask me out. i think u should go for it. u dont necessarily have to change, but just be who u r. you just have to take risks sometimes :D ps- be really sweet :]]

Answer 9

there is shy and there is "needs help".

shy means you wait for the girl to talk to you. if you still cant call her after she talks to you first, you need a a shrink.

im not being insulting, they really will help you.

Answer 10

if u like her then DO, do something with her... but tell her that yr kinda shy and she'll understand why yr acting lyk that... she'll take it slow inless u change yr mind




have fun