When i was 15, i took my father to court because they're was a lot of abuse (mainly mental). The judge granted my mother (my parents are divorced) full custody of me. It's been 10 years later and my father hasn't showed any interest to try to contact me. I saw him and his wife at my uncles wedding about a year ago. He came up to me and gave me a hug and said,"i love you." (I found out after the wedding that his wife, my step-mom made him come up to me at the wedding). I gave him my email address and told him to feel free to write me. He's never wrote me. I also sent him a christmas card this past christmas and he never acknoledged it. I know he recieved my card because i told my uncle to ask him if he recieved it and my father told him that he got the card. I leave the oppurtunity open for him but he never takes it. I'm getting married next year and my family keeps asking me if i'm going to invite him. i tell them i don't think i am. Do you think im right for not wanting to invite him
2007-07-09 20:09:19 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
after all these years of hurt and distance, you offered another olive branch and he snapped it in half. at this point, i think he has lost his right to share in your special day. it might make you sad if you invite him and he does not come. or he does come and it makes you and your other relatives upset. i say just have the people who have supported you and your groom. he does not seem like one those people.
2007-07-09 20:15:12 · answer #1 · answered by Christina V 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Don't let anyone pressure you to invite this man if you don't want him there. He is the parent. He should be making the effort. He's not. You've opened the door, he didn't walk through it.
I know how you feel. I have an adoptive father. I haven't seen nor heard from him since 1996. He is not invited to my wedding. I do not feel guilty. My birth father gave me up when I was very young, so he is not in the picture either. I will probably have my mom...or no one walk me down the aisle.
2007-07-10 02:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest sitting down, closing your eyes, and imagining 3 scenarios:
1. He receives the wedding invitation and shows up at the wedding.
2. He receives the wedding invitation, and doesn't bother to RSVP or show up.
3. You don't invite him.
Which are you most comfortable with? Do you feel hurt in any of these cases? Guilty in any?
If you don't want to invite your "father" who unfortunately is basically just a sperm donor, I wouldn't blame you one bit. And any relative who thinks you're in the wrong needs to back off or perhaps be disinvited themselves! OTOH, you might want to try leaving the door open just this one last time. If he fails to respond or ignores you again, you'll know you did absolutely everything in your power to try to establish a relationship with him.
It's your wedding and your decision should be entirely up to you. There's no absolute right or wrong here. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Try not to let this cause you any stress at all. He's not worth it. When you make your decision, don't try to second guess it.
2007-07-09 20:31:45 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When your family asks, tell them that you would appreciate some space in regards to this matter. It's deeply personal and you really need to take some time to sort your feelings out.
I think it wouldn't hurt to contact him and let him know you're getting married. Tell him that you'd like to invite him but it would be more comfortable for you if you spend some time together first. If he responds then you'll be able to establish a relationship with him and it won't even be a question. If he doesn't respond, then you won't feel any qualms about not inviting him.
Whatever the case, before the wedding let your family who keeps asking about this know what your decision is. That way you won't have to spend the whole day of your wedding talking about your dad.
By the way, congratulations on your engagement! :)
2007-07-09 20:16:00 · answer #4 · answered by 1M9 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would not invite him. Why would you want at your wedding someone who has never moved a finger to show he cares about you? He would be the sour note of the party.
My dad did the same to my brother and myself. Same amount of time, too-he's been absent from our lives for 10 years. He is not invited to my wedding. In fact, I haven't even bothered telling him I'm engaged.
Do what you feel is right. Even if you invited him, he might not come. Just don't ruin your day. You should be happy on your wedding day, not upset because your dad still won't show he cares.
I hope you have a beautiful, joyous wedding day, and congratulations on your engagement!
2007-07-10 09:19:21 · answer #5 · answered by Saiph 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a decision that is totally up to you however since you asked you are seeking advice......... This is a big part of your life and like you said you continue to leave the door open for him to try to enter...So why stop now ? He is your father you obvioulsy love the man and he loves you past is past and people live with it I invite the man to your wedding it wil leave the door open and it will give him the chance to come. Of you decide not to and later down the road (not saying this will happen but god forbid) he is diagnosed with cancer or some other terminal illness and realizes he made a mistake and dies you will not feel guilty for leaving him out of your special day. Remember it is all about you........ You do not want to feel guilty and you do not want to be hurt...... Life comes at us all fast and somethings we all wish we could change.... Don't let this one be yours........... Good luck and congrats on getting married.....!
2007-07-09 20:16:41 · answer #6 · answered by bigchadmark 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is such a hard situation that you have to face and I am sorry for you. You have given your father plenty of chances to write back, email you and etc. At your wedding you should be sorrounded by people that love and support you and are always there for you no matter what. Is your father any of these things? This decision on whether to invite him is one you should make and thats it. Do not worry about hurting peoples feelings. You have to be happy on your wedding day.
2007-07-10 01:24:30 · answer #7 · answered by Jen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people would probably say that "after all, he's your dad". I say, he stopped being a dad when he abused you at the tender age of 15. He has never showed any interest in you, he only came up to you coz he was told to do so, and bless you, for sending him christmas cards which he never acknowledged. He doesnt even deserve to be called a DAD. Enjoy your special day with the oneswho really love you..dont invite him; he'll only be a spoiler at your wedding. If he acts fatherly just because it's your wedding, you'll just feel his faking it. And, if he acts like a total stranger, you'll only get hurt coz you expect better from him, being your dad and all. Eitherways, you'll only be hurt. Besides, it's not just you he's hurting..probably your mom, too... Has it ever occured to you that your mom might be hurting too for his shabby treatment of you?
Dont even feel guilty about it. If he misses you or loves you at all, he would have been calling you up and asking you how you're doin. That's what Dads do...good dads, that is.
congratulations on the wedding!!
2007-07-09 20:28:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well your father and my mother must be cut from the same cloth.
No, I would not invite him. Why would you want to? This is YOUR day and YOU have the right to be happy and not have to worry about things that are hurtful to you.
We can't pick our family but we can pick our friends.
If you're old enough to make a decision about someone you plan to spend your life with, you're old enough to stand up and say NO, I will not allow this person to control me anymore. I've done all I can do and I will not beg for my father's love and affection as he has well demonstrated he is incapable or unwilling to give.
Live well and happy.
2007-07-09 20:16:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you definitely have good reasons for not inviting him and you shouldn't feel guilty about your decision. However, if you are wanting him to be involved in the rest of your life then you probably should invite him. I would try to make arrangements for the four of you to go out to dinner or something before the wedding though to make it less awkward the day of.
2007-07-09 20:16:08 · answer #10 · answered by Chrissy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems clear that what little impact he's had on your life has been extremely negative. Why would you want someone like that at your wedding? It's day when you are supposed to be celebrating your happiness surrounded by the people you love. Don't invite him, and don't let anyone give you a hard time about it.
2007-07-09 20:14:20 · answer #11 · answered by dscougar 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋