i have just got done with a custody battle for my 5 year old daughter. she was with her father for a year who was very predjudice toward black people. now shes back home and happy but my fiancee is black and she keeps saying that white goes with white and black goes with black. what is the best way to show her the diversities of life especially since she'll be starting school this year? with out being to harsh or invasive.
2007-07-09 19:15:29 · 11 answers · asked by missylukeandlissy 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
sorry she has been around my fiance and many other people of all races while with me for the first 4 years of her life but its like her father brainwashed her. it doesnt bother me so much that she feels my fiancee shouldnt be together but that she starts school soon and its a very racial diverse city school.
2007-07-09 19:21:34 · update #1
if i were you id explain that every1 is different and ur not going to like every1 but if you love someone you love them white black brown yellow red grey invisible it doesnt matter every1 is ment to be with some1 no1 is ment to be with one race if that was ment we wouldnt have mix people and everyone is racist in there own way
2007-07-09 19:20:54 · answer #1 · answered by matt w 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Discuss it with her. Let her know that some people believe that that is how things should be because that is how their parents taught them. Explain a bit of the history, in children's terms to her, and that some people are still struggling to understand that people of all races are just that, people. Then, take her out to a mall, sit down at a table with a soda and a snack, and watch the crowds. Try to guess what people that the two of you see have in common and what might be different about them. Point out that color is only one way that people are different, and even though we have different colors, hair, styles, etc. it is better to love people for who they are than to judge them just by how they look.
Then, drop it unless she brings it up. She'll gradually come to accept your beliefs, and if your fiancee is good to her, that will no doubt speed the process right along. She's coming from being exposed to one viewpoint, let her see the other side. At the same time, don't punish her for expressing these things, encourage her to come to you with her questions, it's important that she be able to speak with you about anything.
2007-07-10 02:26:12 · answer #2 · answered by Charlene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to talk to her on a child's level. After all, she's 5.
Take her to a petting zoo. Point out to the lambs have different colors and they're all cute, and how the cows all have different colors, and the chickens and the hens have different colors. Talk to her about how people's skin comes in different colors, too, but they are all people, just like how the chickens and hens can be different colors and still live with each other in the same pen.
If you want, get her two gerbils, hamsters or rabbits, one that's black and one that's white. Let her see them interact peacefully with each other. This would help her understand the lesson.
By the way, Joslin is right on the money.
2007-07-10 02:44:12 · answer #3 · answered by artsy_lovely_lady 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do not put her father down. This may backfire, with her coming to his rescue, so to speak. Or digging her heels in, supporting the racist views he taught.
You need to familiarize her with a non-racist view by modeling it for her. Don't try to force this on her. Let it come naturally, like it would have had she been living with you. You can correct her when she makes a racist comment, with" "We don't believe that here." (Or, in this home, or in this family.)
Sit her down and explain that you know her daddy taught her things that may be different from what you believe. Such as, he may not have had her take a bath before she went to bed, for example (you pick the examples!) Or, he may have taught her it was o.k. to brush her teeth only twice a day, and yo want her to brush three times a day. And that sometimes this may be confusing or hard for her. But that you will do your very best to be a good mommy for her, and teach her how to be a kind, loving little girl.
Incorporate books on diversity into her normal reading books. Make books a part of her daily routine! She will then see all kinds of people, all kinds of family, all kinds of ethnicities and races. Don't force it, but just mix them in with her other books. The same with diversity (all kinds) in art, magazines, t.v. shows, music. Naturally bring it before her, so she can see for herself that you value diversity.
Have casual conversations, make casual comments -- "Isn't her hair long?" (looking at a Hispanic woman's hair) "Wow, look at that pretty dress." (looking at a black girl's dress) Etc.
Or, "Aren't they all having fun together?" (when you are passing a diverse playground) Or, "He was nice." (when a black young man sacks your groceries)
Make sure to go to a diverse church, diverse school, etc. But just keep in mind, she must come to this on her own. Never punish her for reflecting what she was taught. Just give her the proper role models for a non racist world!
Also, in many large cities, there are diversity groups which explore racism and other issues more in depth. Look them up on Craigslist or through your local community newspaper.
You might also make her most fun time of the week, something she really looks forward to, a play group with a diverse group of playmates and parents.
Take care, and good luck!
2007-07-10 02:37:45 · answer #4 · answered by Still Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to her that God made all types of people. We are all have feelings, but our skin color is different. We don't all think alike, so it makes it fun to learn about each other.
Tell her that it is like having all of the different colored crayons in a box. If you only had one color, the picture would not be as pretty as having all different colors. Tell her that having all types and colors of people in the world, makes the world a better and more interesting place too.
Tell her that she should treat all people nice, because then they will be nice to her too.
By the way, my ex was prejudiced too, but neither of my children are. What's even better is that they don't allow their friends to speak to them in racially offensive terms. They definitely did not learn that from their father.
It is really too hard to go into the wonderful variation of cultures, languages, and ideas right now, but that is a thought for future years.
2007-07-10 02:40:09 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bring her around people of different races often and point out the positive things other cultures have contributed to society
2007-07-10 02:18:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Say that it is terrible for her to say such things about your fiancee, and that you love him for who he is and not for what color his skin is and that it isn't right to think like that.
2007-07-10 02:40:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Jungle fever the movie
2007-07-10 02:18:12 · answer #8 · answered by Raqi Killer 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm not sure if you believe in god but if you do you can tell her god made us all.I'm glad you have your daughter back :)
2007-07-12 11:36:35 · answer #9 · answered by lillulu460 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her "why?"
Tell her "No .... humans go with humans, and humans have all different colors of skin"
2007-07-10 02:21:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋