family disrespects now what do I do?

Question

Ok here is my dilemma: My one son won't talk to me at all. My second son does not respect me or really like me he just pretends for the sake of giving me a little respect. He always ends up blurting out the truth he puts me down says I don't know anything about him etc. I have always believed that my ex has been responsible for teaching them to disrespect me. My problem is this: I have made my children my focus and it really is too painful for me to continue my life happy without them treating me right. I can honestly say I have been a good mother I know that. It is I believe that they have been taught by their male role model to hate me. Is it possible realistically to go on when my children basically don't care about me? In other words my sons mentally abuse me they are both young adults.

LENA: my sons are both adults. I don't understand why would I stop feeling sorry for myself they treat me like dirt.

LENA: my sons are both adults. I don't understand why would I stop feeling sorry for myself they treat me like dirt.

LENA: why are you afraid of your parents. I would ask them to please go with you. If they won't then ask if you can go. Maybe they will join you after they see it helps you. If you have no luck getting to a councellor try a school councellor or a help line on the phone like a distress center.

TJNSTIOUISMO: I was young and uninformed when I met my ex. I fell into the hands of an abusive man at a very young age. I never loved him I thought I did because I was young and conned. In regards to my sons they have learned to abuse and to be told I am stupid or incompetent or delusional (spelling sorry) to say things about me that aren't even close to me is something they have learned they have learned to abuse. read about it become educated on it to protect yourself also.

I also want to say to tj...... that it seems to me you've had a pretty sheltered life.

I also want to say to tj...... that it seems to me you've had a pretty sheltered life.

Answer 1

I hear you detour - you have my sympathy -
It's so easy for people to spout off about things when they have not experienced the pain - pain is a great teacher.
Society teaches children their rights but not that responsibility also goes with those rights. Men (ex's) do poison children's minds especially abusive men who only care about winning. You may not get the support from people you want because the popular (politically correct) view is that parents are responsible for everything. I don't believe this - you are responsible but only to a point. See this situation as it is not how you want it to be. That is the best advice I can give you I'm working through this myself.
Your ex wanted a doormat and the death blow is to have your children hate you.

Be strong let your boys know you love them and you always will but protecting your boundaries does not mean you have to tolerate abuse, selfishness & cruelty. Let them know when they are ready to build bridges you will be there.
Good luck to you and good luck to me. Take care

Answer 2

So basically you think you are owed respect from your sons just because you are their mother. And since they don't do what you want, you think they don't respect you? I have to wonder if your behavior and actions have more to due with the lack of respect that you think you get.

What exactly is it that you want from them? What does "respect" mean to you? Do you want them to stand up to their father and take your side on a divorce that is over and done with? Or do you want them to be at your beck and call just because you are their mother and you think you are owed something.

You choose to have children. You choose to have them with the man that is their father. No matter what happened at the end of the relationship at some point earlier you liked him well enough to reproduce with him. You did what you are supposed to do and raised your children. No where does it say they owe you anything.

Respect is earned. Love and devotion of one's children is earned. Care is earned. If you are saying that you only love your kids if they do what you want them to do, then you are conditionally loving them and that's not what parents are supposed to do.

Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and whining and complaining why don't you get yourself out in the world and start living your life. You can't be any older than I am, and I would never accept my children taking care of me or being responsible for my self esteem and happiness. That is not their job, its yours.

Get a hobby, get another job, take up a sport, join a gym, practice a religion, paint your home, do something that gets you out of the self centered rut that you are wallowing in.

Answer 3

okay, i just want to say STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!!!! Your sons are teenagers, that's what they do!! If you are really conserned, take them to a theripest, I would love to go to one, but I can never have the guts to tell my parents. They might argue with you, but deep deep down, they might want to go.