what would you do in my situation??

Question

my boyfriend and i are both 17 and we just got engaged in may. we've been together for a little over 3 years, and we want to get married next june. we'll both be 18 by then. and we've got a bunch of things picked out, but we haven't really told anyone yet. i'm not sure how my parents and his parents will react. i told my mom a couple months ago that we wanted to get married right when we turned 18, but she just kind of brushed it off.

how do we tell our parents??

have any of you ever been in the same position?

or are any of you parents that have gone through this??

please help!

and i don't want people telling me that we shouldn't get married. that doesn't solve anything for me. i just want to know how you think we should tell our parents.

thanx!

okay. like i said before, we're getting married. that's it. i dont' want to hear "don't get married!" i just want to know how we should tell our parents.

and since when does not looking forward to telling our parents make me immature? doesn't it just make me human??

Answer 1

Actually, I would say that if you're not looking forward to telling your parents, it's a sign that you believe they will disapprove (regardless of how mature you may or may not be). Most of the time, I have found that when I think my mother will disapprove of something, it's because I know that it's something I shouldn't be doing. Okay, done with the lecture...

So, what you need to say is, "Mom! Dad! I have the most exciting news! John and I are engaged to be married!" It should be something that you are clearly thrilled about. Don't let them see that you think they'll have reservations...go into the conversation believing that it's the best thing that has ever happened to you, and that they will obviously believe it, too.

I am a parent of a beautiful young woman who is getting married this autumn. I have quite a few reservations...they're young, they're poor, they haven't finished school, etc. But the truth of the matter is that I cannot possibly know what's what with their relationship, because there are only two people in it, and I'm not one of them. I can only trust that my daughter knows without any doubt that he is the man for her. Let your parents know that you KNOW he's the one, and they should be more than happy for both of you.

Answer 2

I wish I could help you, I have the same problem. My boyfriend and I just got engaged in May too, we are 17, and we want to get married when we are 18. My parents are in the middle of a divorce and they are both really stressed. And I don't know how they will take the news of their only daughter being engaged at 17. A lot of people say that when you get married at such a young age, that there is a higher risk that you will get a divorce. But my grandparents were married at 18, and they have been together for 47 years. I don't know how they told their parents, all I know is that the reason they got married is because my grandmother was pregnant. And they don't talk about it much. I hope you get some good answers to you questions, and congratulations.

Answer 3

It sounds like you're not ready to get married if you are afraid to approach your parents. I have been in the same position, and I decided to wait, and I am glad. I was 20 and engaged, and things changed in our lives and we are no longer living together and moving in different directions.
There is nothing wrong with be engaged for a long time. A wedding is a huge thing to plan. And you will need your families support to pay for it. You could take the next 4 years in college to plan for it.

If you are going to tell them, then there is no way other than to do it. It might be a good idea to do it over dinner, one that you and your boyfriend make, or treat them to dinner. Think about what situation will put your family in the best mood possible, and one where they will be inclined to talk.

Answer 4

Honestly, I would wait. I know, its not the answer you want to hear, but hear me out.

I was once in your position. 17, in love, and the next thing I am engaged. I didn't tell my parents, because I knew they would flip. I thought my bf and I were perfect together. Then came graduation, and turning 18 and his engagement to me went down the drain.

I put in 3 years with him and he leaves me with no reasoning. Things change, people grow apart.

I didn't know it, but it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I am now going to marry the man of my dreams, at 23. I grew up, learned more about myself, and grew from a girl to a woman who could be a good wife.

Take this engagement as a promise for a while, and see where things go. If you can make it through college and turning 21 and going out and partying without killing each other (its part of finding yourself) then marry. If he loves you, he won't go anywhere, he will wait till you are ready; and if he refuses, then he isn't worth your time.

Sometimes at a young age, you mistake lust for love (not saying this is your case but...) it happens. I know from personal experience.

If you wait a few years and accomplish things seperately, you will become a stronger individual and a stronger team. Plus both of your parents will appreciate.

Don't rush into things, you have your entire lives to spend together, if thats what fate has in store for you two.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Do Not Get Married At 18!!!! I know so many people on here are going to diagree with me, but you are not old enough. People who marry before the age of 24 have an extremely high rate of divorce.

Now, I know some people are going to debate me and say their marriage worked. But, my feeling on that is, why risk it?

Yes, some young marriages last. But, a good majority don't.

If you are truly meant to marry each other, you two will still be together in 3, 4 or 5 years.

Wait until you are at least 22 or 23.

Also, do yourself a favor and go to college or trade school.

Answer 6

Your best bet is to just be honest w/ them. They may feel hurt that they were left out of the loop if you hold off telling them. No matter what they say, you'll be 18 and there is nothing they or anyone can do to stop you. Let them know maybe y you feel it is the time to get married and let them know that you have thought everything through and you understand what it takes to make a marraige work. (hopefully you do)
I don't personally beleive there is an age limit on marriage, when the time is right you'll know it. Go with your gut instinct and don't let judgemental ppl bring you down.
Congrats

Answer 7

Just tell them. Act like they never brushed you off when you said you were planning to get married. They might not have thought you were serious at that time.

BUT, I would wait until you are both 18 to tell them you are engaged. If either set of parents do not like you both together, and you tell them you are engaged when you are both not yet 18, they could file statutory rape.

Who is turning 18 first?

Answer 8

Do you both have good jobs? Are you both self-supporting? If not, I suggest buckling down and getting an education/job training, and waiting to get married until AFTER you have good jobs.

The cases I've seen of 17 and 18 year-olds marrying have been disasterous. In one case, they lived in an apartment created in her parents garage, both worked at McDonalds, and had 2 kids, heavily relying on her mom for babysitting. Then they got divorced with neither having the job skills to support themselves, much less a family.

Answer 9

I think that as you and your partner are mature enough to get married you should just sit down and tell your parents. If they don't like the idea (which they probably wont) then elope. They will regret their decision in the long run, not you. It doesn't matter what anyone says, if you love each other then go for it. Good luck!

Answer 10

Just tell them straight out, go together when you do it. Just explain that the two of you have saved enough money to pay for a traditional wedding yourselves, and you are ready to go ahead with all the planning. Please let them know that you don't want ANY money from them, just their support.
If you are mature and intelligent enough to decide to get married, then why in the world would you be scared to tell your parents? You should want to shout it to the world, so everyone could share in your happiness!!!