it wasnt the engagement ring i wanted!!!?

Question

Me and my b/f have been looking at rings for the past few weeks and we picked a few different ones, well i told him if you gets the smaller ring get the band i want and if you get the bigger one dont. when he propose and got the smallest ring with the baddest cut, color and clarity and no band. What hurts the most is that i know he has the money. When i seen the ring he got me i felt like crying. I still cant get over it. Should i feel this way? and how do i tell him that i hate the ring?

its .90, i1, poor cut and j color...and its not about money the other ring i wanted was less and is was 1, si1, good cut, g color..... come on now

Answer 1

Nothing wrong with feeling that way. But why not look past what the ring looks like and marry the guy. You love him right? Maybe he's saving money so the both of you can have a huge wedding......heck I don't know.

Answer 2

I do not agree with the ring being small but I do agree with it being poor quality. You need to ask him why, maybe he has the money earmarked to pay for the wedding, or for a home in the future. His priorities may be more on the practical side. He may see the ring as a luxury, not a necessity.

He should not have bought you a ring he knew you wouldn't like, he should have talked to you about what he felt was appropriate to spend when you were looking at ring he did not want to buy you. Have him return the ring while he can, and have talk to him about his reasoning and your expectations.

Ultimately the man decides what he is willing to spend on a ring, and you can either accept it or not.

Tell him you love him but not the ring. That he should have told you that you were asking for rings that were above his budget instead of letting it be a surprise. And lets start this over staying within your budget.

Answer 3

Wow-people are really mean to you, so I´m going to try to empathize and give you a shoulder to cry on.

I can see why you are disappointed. You expected one thing, and got something else-something was missing, the band. Maybe you should take him out to dinner, explain to him that you love the ring you got from him, and ask him if the two of you can go to the store and buy the band you wanted in the first place. I doubt that this will sound bad if you praise him for buying you the smaller ring-maybe he just forgot that you wanted the band with it as well.

Cheer up honey...in a few years you will laugh about this, and accept whatever your husband gets you. I picked out my engagement ring with my husband after he bought me a blue topaz ring for the proposal, and the next birthday my husband bought me TWO watches because he was so afraid I wouldn´t like one of them. He said I could keep both, but we took one back because I realize I am a spoiled brat, and am happier with a person instead of something materialistic!

Answer 4

I suppose when u've got ur mind set on something and u've dreamed of havin a particular kind of engagement ring, getting one completely different would be an unpleasant surprise.
However, i doubt ur fiance got it to spite you or coz he was trying to save up or something. Most men feel overpressured when it comes to engagements n that can lead to quite a few innocent flubs on their part.
But the important thing here is that he proposed and he's chosen you as the woman he wants to be with forever. So what if he's not th best judge of jewellery huh:).
Dont hurt his feelings n let a little piece of metal n carbon ruin ur relationship. I'd say treasure the ring for what it signifies if not for what it's worth in terms of money.
And when you go wedding band shopping if you'd like you could steer him towards the ones you prefer...maybe he'll be relieved that he doesnt have to choose:)

Answer 5

ok to me this sounds like your not really upset about the ring. I mean sure its not what you would have got yourself. but would it be such an issue if he had just proposed...without the whole looking for rings together thing. You tend to assume in that circumstance that your opinion will be valued. That if you tell him you dont really like something he will pay some attention. I really think your issue is that he isnt seeming to listen to you, and if thats the case work on it before you get engaged. Theres no point having such an investment if your relationship hasnt got the stones.
On top of that, this is a piece of jewellery you are supposed to wear for ever. Sure you should love whatever he gets you, but if he really intends to be with you forever shouldnt he have some idea of who you are, and what you like. If he is glossing over that you need to find out why....does this other ring have a mental sentimental value from something else (like someone elses happy marriage etc) or is it purely because thats what he likes. The rest of your life is shared, maintain integrity but share share and compromise

Answer 6

Wow, pretty strong opinions about this one. I think that some of the people answering may not realize how cut, clarity and color can really affect a diamond and it's performance. Maybe they need to stop and consider that fiancee may have been ripped off by the jewelry store and bought bad quality unintentionally. You could buy a better quality stone and ring for the same price or a better price I bet. Money aside, this is ring that she will be wearing for a long time and mature relationship such as marriage call for mature people. You should talk to him about how you feel and why he bought what he bought and them come to a decision together.

Answer 7

This is a ring you should be proud to show. It doesn't sound like it is. Also, it's an investment. Why throw away money on a cheap diamond? There is a very good assortment of smaller diamonds that don't cost an arm and a leg and are beautiful. Maybe instead of a solitaire, go for something with more and smaller diamonds but have a lot of sparkle for the buck, they are not as expensive. Talk to him about it. The two of you need to be able to communicate effectively without hurt or harm. This is a good chance to work on that. The two of you could pool $ and get what you really want. I would want to be happy with my ring, you wear it for the rest of your life. Your man should get you something you will be proud to wear and something he will proud to have you wear! Stay within your budget!!! You can find something pretty that you can afford.

Answer 8

Maybe he did pay attention to you, but got what he thought was appropriate. Be thankful you even got a ring. There a lot of women who get engaged and don't even get an engagement ring, just the wedding band. Some even have to buy their own engagement ring.

Wake up and smell the coffee. You are already sounding like a Bridezilla. Accept it graciously, without question, or condemnation, and maybe, just maybe, he'll get you a better set, IF you behave yourself and stop acting so petty.

Answer 9

I can understand why you'd be upset, you and your bf had been together to look at what you would like, and it is as if he didn't listen to a word you said, he didn't remember any of the specifications you told him. Understandably you would then be upset when you thought you were going to be getting one thing, only to find it's not what you expected, and to top it off it's an inferior product.

If he has just bought it on his own, with no guidance from you as to what style you would like, then I would say you were over reacting, however you did give him direction as to what you wanted, and he didn't pay attention. A lot of people have responded cruelly saying the ring is a symbol of your relationship, and that it reflects poorly on you because you aren't happy with it. I say it reflects poorly on your bf, not you. He knew what you had your heart set on, what would make you happy, but he didn't get it. It's not like he was flying blind when he went to pick it out, you'd given specifications to him.


You have every right to be upset. How you deal with it will be the telling sign for your marriage. Sit down with him and tell him your thoughts on the ring. Ask him why he didn't get the rings you discussed? What prompted him to go with a ring you had not indicated you liked? Find out his side of it. I'm sure it wasn't a malicious act, I doubt he wanted to hurt or upset you, and if he loves you I'm sure he'll want to fix it so you can be happy with it. Perhaps you can both go back to the jeweler and exchange the one he got you for another one that you both pick out, so you can be happy with it. I mean it is something that in theory you will wear for the rest of your life, so you do want it to be something you are happy with, that you like, and you feel comfortable with, and if the ring you have doesn't illicit those feelings, then talk about changing it. Try not to be accusing or angry when you talk to him about it, cause I doubt he wanted to cause you any grief.

Answer 10

Why weren't you specific? You either gave him too many options & confusing signals or you should have made a specific choice, and been there for the final product if you were actually choosing the ring together.

I was extraordinarily specific with my husband when he proposed. I don't like diamonds. We went together to choose an engagement ring and our wedding set. I wear my engagement ring on my right hand and my wedding ring on my left.

You should also be grateful for the ring itself. I was stunned when my husband proposed. I thank God everyday for my soulmate. It's not about the jewelry. Just be glad you didn't get an overly ostentatious ring - the size of a watermelon - which will get stolen.