how did you decide.?

Question

how did you and your spouse decide how many kids to have and how to space them. is birth control a factor or are you just winging it. my heart is to wing it. i'm the youngest of 6. my parents just left it up to GOD. i'm grateful because i'm here. i want to do the same but my husband is too worried we would have 10 kids and dirt poor.

Answer 1

I was going to wing it but when my period came back 6 months post partum I decided it was unfair to threaten my baby's sole source of nutrition, among other things, when he was so young. I decided to wait until he was 1 year.

Then at 1 year I decided to wait until 18 months, a week later I was pregnant. Birth control works best when you use it ;)

I use NFP and withdrawal but sometimes hormones will take over, much as I like to blame hubby sometimes because he didn't want to wait any longer.

You need to try to come to some sort of agreement with hubby though, he does get a say.

Answer 2

O.K. I think that wanting and being willing to care for as many children as god chooses to give you is wonderful. I do ask that you take a few things into consideration.

Your body goes through an amazingly difficult and tramatic 11 months to have a child, pregnant for 40 weeks (best chance for a healthy baby) and at least a month to really heal from the birth itself. Then it takes another 6-10 months for your hormones to settle down to the new normal for you which can be different after every pregnancy. Given that information alone I would wait 18-24 months after giving birth to begin to try and get pregnant for your own health as well as the child.

Now those babies. You have your first. It is a magical and exhausting experience. For the first 3 yrs you are teaching them to drink, eat, walk, talk, sleep and most importantly you are saving their lives everyday for the first few years. What time and attention would be lost by the first just for having the second doesn't seem fair to either baby. Look up early development, they require and deserve the attention that we provide and you will only have one for a few years and there will be no other being on earth that you will ever have that kind of relationship with and it will only last a few years or until you have #2.

I also have 2 children despite proper use of doctor prescribed birth control and believe that God decides when our children are to come into our lives whether we are ready or not.

Have your first child and take it from their. You will learn that being a good mother takes the ability to be flexible. I wanted 4 children and have decided to stop at 3 if it is what god wants.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I had my children fairly spaced out, my eldest is 15 then 11 then my 5 year old. This worked fine for us, I kind of went with it when I yearned for another, dont stress or feel that it all has to go by the book. You will know. After having two girls I was blessed and completely surprised to have a boy, I was also older and more laid back and really enjoyed it. Its a decision you both have to make so that there are no regrets later. Financially its up to you, do you both work? Will the pressure be too much for your husband to provide what he feels is the right life? Play it by ear as time goes by, dont set rules now. Best wishes.

Answer 4

Well in Islam which is our religion it's actually recommended that you have large families. It helps keep the family together and the mother has the eldest son to take care of her and the younger children if the husband/father dies. I don't have kids yet but we will have been trying for 9 months this July 19th 2007 and will also be married for 9 months this July 19th 2007. I think we'll probably have at least 12 kids if not more. Plus in my religion it's important that the wife gives her husband as many children as he wants so he has children to pass his inheritance onto when he dies. We'll be in my husband's country and there's no health insurance, no school fees, no bills to pay. The only thing you have to pay for is food which is cheap, medicine, and the house. Everything else is paid for by the Government. Plus we're taught that ALLAH(GOD) provides new wealth for each additional new family member that is born.

Answer 5

Yikes! You're husband is right, of course. Chances are that you would end up with 10 kids. And while raising kids dirt poor is not the worst thing in the world, adding so many more people to an already over-stressed planet could be. God speaks in many ways.....he just might be speaking to you and saying, "Look! I gave mankind the intelligence and technology to invent birthcontrol......what bigger sign are they waiting for?!"

Answer 6

well i am in the middle of 6. 1 older brother and sister. then 2 little brothers and 1 little sister. lucky me. lol..My parents left it up to God also. hopefully they will stop there though! cause the youngest is gonna be 2 years old in three weeks so we dont need another baby in the house lol. but i think u should agree with your husband
-tessa

Answer 7

I always knew I didn't want kids, so I've always been paranoid about using 2 forms of reliable birth control.
Not to burst your bubble, but your husband is probably right- look at the price of diapers and college tuition, and you'll see that he has a reason to be scared.

Answer 8

We watched our stress level. And the money we had to decide that 2 is enough for us. The bill just get more and more expensive the older they get and the more demanding they GET. LOL.

Answer 9

we winged it till we had 4 kids, they are each about two years apart...then we used birth control until he had a vasectomy last year....