What do I do with an out of control 7 year old daugher?

Question

She was swearing and I told her to go to her room. (The swearing comes from her Father - have tried to stop him with no avail) well anyways she refused. I then grabed her wrist and dragged her to her room. Sat her on her bed and told her that when she has some time out and tidies her room I will let her out. Instead of complying she ran to the door afterwards and I held it close - she kicked it and kicked it and banged on it with anything she get her hands on. I thought the door was going to break so I openned it - she tried to get out and I grabbed her and she then started beating me - kicking me - pulling my hair out. This went on for sooooo long, I just reacted - didn't mean to but I slapped her not hard on the cheek. She stopped hitting into me long enough for me to restrain her on the floor, till she calmed down. I appoligised for slapping her face and told her she can come out later when she has done her room. I have a very bad bruised hand and face. Why is she doing this?

I don't need parenting classes. My daughter has ADHD, but she never had the abusive kind till the last couple of weeks. I have asked her what is wrong and she says nothing is wrong. We have just had a brain scan done and she has a 71% improvement on ritilan. The pediatric nerologist prescribed it for school mornings only as she is 1st grade, most of their intensive learning is done in the morning, when the kids are freshest and ready to learn. Before we took her to the nerologist, we tried speech pathology and weekly tutoring, with limited success. The specialist told us to keep sending her to them as well as the medication and also the help I give her she will make up her delayed learning and should be able to read by the end of this year.
Thinks were looking so good for her and she is getting the help she needs - just can't understand her flying off that way the last couple of weeks. She has an older brother who is 9, who tries to help her too. Loving parents who are not to strict??

I do spend time with her - cooking, arts and craft and reading as she needs that help the most.
She is not spoilt at all, well maybe just a bit more than I was. My father was a Principal of a Special Education School.
I have grounded her and taken favourite toys away with no affect except more outrageous temper tantrums. Tried star charts and points for rewards for good behavior and she ripped that up.
I am a trained nanny and worked in special education myself for 13 years.
All I can think is maybe all the tutoring and speech pathology and doctors is maybe getting to her. What do you think? I just want to help her so she can be a positive, loving person when she grows up.

I do spank her on the bottom, but I couldn't get to it when she was hanging from my hair.
She has only been this way a month.
She is deciplined and knows the rules.
I have an older son who follows them 90% of the time.
Thank for some of your suggestions, but so far nothing more than I already have tried except those stupid suggestions - like the tylenol and hitting her with a belt.
Maybe, hopefully it just a stage she is going threw.
Just would like my sweet daughter back from a month or so ago, thats all.

My husband doesn't abuse anyone around here. He swears because he is has truck driver syndrome, I guess. The swearing never sounds abusive. Its like what the f and sh that was funny. If you know what I mean? Its all in jest not negative, but are rule about swearing under 18 is no way and my son sticks to it. Only had one incident with him when he was 4. He asked another kid at pre-school to hand him a red crayon and the kid just ignored him and he then said take your hand off your dick and hand me that crayon.
Otherwise she is part of a loving and creative family. With a wonderful Grandma and Aunt and Uncle as well as us.
It was a peaceful and content atmosphere here at home, till she started these tantrums.
Really think what she got punished for isnt what her problem is.
Once again she is not spoilt and they both know I have expectations of them that they should stick with or they will be punished.
I am not weak at punishment - I am very consistant with disaplenning them.

I do get down on their individual level and explain and talk to them about the rules and why they are that way.
Could it just be, because its school holidays here in Australia too. Maybe she has more time to get into mischeif?
Maybe I am in the process of answering my own question?
I had an answer that I bruised her - she hasn't a scratch - she injured me and has done it three times in the last month.

More about my family. Bedtime has always been 7 to 7.30pm. Dinner is always at 5.30pm, unless we are out. Bath time is at 6.30pm.
I usually stay in the room with the child that is in trouble and try to talk to them about it just after a short calming down period. So its not screaming but talking going on.
Yes my husband isnt perfect but he loves us and would do anything for his family.
Dam I am not perfect either thats why I am asking for ideas. I have been known to throw a little tantrum and run to my room on occasions. I usually drop it very quick though - my own time out if you like.
Anyways we spend alot of time together when someone has a project or special interest. My daughters is dancing - she has dance classes. My sons is the guitar and he loves anthropoligy.
Please mind my spelling just blabbing it all out. We have a popup caravan that the family goes away in a few times a year for a few weeks. We love the beach and camping out together. Just an ordinary, good family.

I know I am the boss, so does my husband and my son. She use too.

I know I am the boss, so does my husband and my son. She use too.
TV is from 6.00pm to 7-7.30pm only and in the mornings is from after they are totally ready for school and have eaten breakfast to when its time to go. Maybe 45 minutes. School holidays - of course more.
They have only a selected number of channels on their tv in the family room. That I have chosen for them, like nic and nic jnr and disney thats it.

I agree with alot of the answers but no great new ideas. Will wait! All I can say is alot of you are quite quick to judge or assume the negative.
All I can say is I try my damness to bring up my kids with everything they will need to be happy and safe in life.
I don't really appreciate any of the stupid comments I have gotten. And the answers from teens or kidless people not a help - guess your wanted your 2 points.

I live in a good part of town. My neighbors are comprised of electricians, policeman, authors, managers, accountants and tradesmen like plasters and truck drivers like my husband. Don't know of anyone else obscene or anything? And just great mothers like me

Answer 1

I have read some of the other things that the other users responded to and they are being mean and unhelpful. I'm sorry. When she does have a fit like that again put her on the bed and hold her fist tight with your hands. Stare her down and eventually the child will get all the anger out an she will be tired. When i mean hold them down i mean hold them down tight because if she is moving around its harder to get her to calm down. If you are in the room lock the door so she cannot excape this way it is easier to controll where she is. I would suggest getting an outside lock so only u have the power of unlocking and locking her doors. This isnt healthy to be doing that all the time.


instead of holding her fist down you can also hug her really tight so she know that you still love her. If she starts to calm slowely start to release your grip. When you fully release your grip hold her hand as if you were to walk accross the street or something but do it lovingly and tell her that you dont want to fight her anymore and that you hate having to slap her just let her know that you love her good luck!

i dont mean anything bad by it but when you slapped her i was relieved because now hopefully she can come back to her senses. My mom used to pinch me when i was younger and i would cry cuz i felt bad that i faught with my mother that way and i knew that i was wrong for acting that way.

Answer 2

However i don't believe in slapping i understand your circumstances and don't think that you are bad for it. HOwever i do agree with one of the answers, you shouldn't of apologized...at least not in the heat of the moment. YOu should of waited till things were completely calm before you should of apologized if you felt you needed to. By apologizing when you did you made her think that you made a mistake, or that you lost your patience verses actually doing what needed to be done. I know you aren't very big on the idea of using an impliment to spank however it might be just what you need, the slap stopped her so obviously during these fits thats what she needs to regain herself. She has been spanked with hand when she did other things that you decided warrented it but it wasn't to this magnitude so maybe you need to up the ante just once twice at most. Do not stop there, after the spanking allow her to feel sorry forherelf for a while, then come in and talk to her and tell her that you didn't want to do what you did and it hurt you to do it but felt that it was the best action at the time. Then tell her you had to do more then normal becasue her behavior was worse then normal. Then perhaps ground her, have her write and essay, something to make her think about the whole situation. Suggest different ways of handling her anger and how to advoid this happening again. She won't hate you but her behavior is extreme so you need to take extreme measures.

Answer 3

Not knowing anything about your homelife, I would have suggested you sit in her room with her. Even if she is screaming and crying. Swearing isn't a problem in our house but "stupid" or "shutup" can be and if that occurs we turn bedtime into 7 or 8 pm, take away time with friends, no sweets or snacks, etc. As hard as it is remember your relationship with her is more important than the responsibility she has to have a tidy room. While I believe spanking can have it's place, ignore the poor souls who suggest you beat her,etc. She needs firm, LOVING, consistent attention. Teach her how to ride a bike, take a walk or go to the park, bake some cookies together, put a puzzle together, sing a song together, anything that is fun and good! Sometimes distraction is a big help.
Let her know that every time she does x, y will happen. (Hitting mom= bedtime at 7pm. She temporarily loses closeness because of her actions. Heart attitude trumps behavior. For example, saying sorry with a sassy look and tone is of no value.
Start humbling yourself ("Will you forgive me for yelling at you?")while you maintain firmness and love. Ask once, tell her you love her and let her know she has to decide. Forgive her quickly when she truly says she is sorry. Ask God for wisdom. Bless your heart, Jennifer mom of three still on the same road as you and many other moms!

Answer 4

Disciplining your child does not make you a bad person, so next time do not apologize for hitting her. When you apologize, you are telling her without actually telling her that you were wrong and she was right. No where in my book does it seem right for a seven year old (or a twenty seven year old for that matter) to hit her mother or any adult. What you can try to do is find a family therapist and convince her father that the three of you should go together. If he has his daughter's best interest at heart he will comply. I can not say that I am entirely opposed to physical discipline but I will say that there is a very thin line between physical discipline and abuse. Just be very mindful of that. In the mean time try to find out where her anger stems from and do your best to work it out. Girl I am a single mother and believe me I know how difficult it can get but hitting you and pulling your hair is much more farther than where you should have drawn the line. My four yr old has her moods as would any child and I truly allow her to express her self as much as I can but believe me when I tell you she know her limits. Good luck to you and God bless.

Answer 5

She may not appreciate it now but her parents are doing her a favor. There are a lot of sick people out there and it only takes one pervert. Her parents are protecting her. She is only 13 years old. Children tend to tell more about themselves than they should on the internet. It's very easy for some psycho to track her down. Why do kids want to grow up so fast these days? What's the big hurry? Being an adult has it's advantages but it has some disadvantage too. Tell your friend her parents love her and they are just protecting her. Also tell her to quit trying to grow up so fast.

Answer 6

shes 7??? wierd ussually kidz rom like 5 through out 2 years but i beleive this is influenced by especially her dad in bad words mainly and bad behavior and hitting must be influiencd t.v if she does have a tv or what she has seen other children her age do whith their parents if she is in school well she might maybe she is just going through a fase where she thinks she can do anything she wants and well i guess she deserved it but i would feel really bad about it too about the bruise but anyways the girl is seven for goodness sake she is old enough to learn to respect u and so does the father he should not be putting up these examples for his child the girl needs a attitude adjusment talk to her yes time out is very neccessary especially for her all the hitting you has got to stop u be the mom and she can be the daughter until she has her own she is the student and u are the teacher keep that in mind hon if u need help helping her leave this habbit ask me i know a way not just only hitting the child straitghning her up is not mainly just hitting or spanking her its also talking ,communicating to your child mainly she is just going through a fase and shell get through it just remember YOUR the teacher not her .....

Answer 7

Sounds like you need Super Nanny. Sounds like she is looking for attention. Do you two spend time together during the day? When you do this, children feel special and don't need to use other behaviors (i.e. swearing) to get your attention. Next time she swears, tell her she needs to go to her room or another spot. Make her stay there. Get an outside lock for her door if you need to. She has to know the consequences. Or start a change jar. Every time she swears, she has to put $.50 in the jar. Or, have a reward chart. For every hour (at first) or day (later on) she goes with good behavior, she gets a sticker/stamp. When there are 10 stamps, she gets a prize. Spending time with you, going to lunch, a new toy, doesn't have to do a chore. These things will all take LOTS of reinforcement but if you stick to them they will work. Good luck!!

Answer 8

You need a time out or naughty chair. This should not be in her room but in plain view maybe in the kitchen or living room.
She is 7 so she is placed on the naughty chair for 7 minutes with a timer set. If she gets off she is again placed on the chair and the timer reset. If she gets off 3 times, then 7 spanks need to be given on the skin of the bottom with your hand. She is then placed back in time out and the timer reset. You may have to repeat this once or twice. You need to get control over this.
( Connie mom of 4 boys )

Answer 9

1. The child is attempting to fill a legitimate need.
2. The child lacks information (or is too young to understand or remember.
3. The child is suffering from stress or unhealed trauma.

It's really not uncommon for a child to try to take advantage of a parent that seems a bit more submissive and lacks "proper" disciplinary skills.

It's all about being at their level when communicating. Making sure they're fully understanding the rules, etc...

Answer 10

Call supernanny. if you can't reach her at first, keep tring. she really really helps. watch some of her shows. they're on monday nights.
go to supernanny.com and see what you can find. I've seen families like these on her shows before, they turned out great.
keep trying, don't give up. chances are, this is a faze. you've tried all you can it sounds like. Don't hit her, don't scream at her. just love her until shes ready to tell you if somethings wrong, or until shes over it. use the naughty corner and rewards for good things. keep it up, and watch her closely. don't let you other son get away from you thoguh. he still needs you too.
good luck! =)