that what they talk about should be kept between them and what I thought he said was "don't tell your mother what we talk about". I am angry and feel betrayed. He said that he needs her to know that she can trust him. I think that he shouldn't be like a friend to her, we are her parents. Am I wrong?
2007-07-09 15:35:50 · 8 answers · asked by rec girl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She is 14.
2007-07-09 15:39:38 · update #1
And it's not anything crazy that they're talking about, just school and what's going on in her life, etc.
2007-07-09 15:42:53 · update #2
He is my ex-husband and her father. I have already screamed at him on the phone ( she heard me), so they are both aware that I am upset right now.
2007-07-09 15:59:06 · update #3
THEY ARE NOT KEEPING CRAZY **** LIKE INCEST FROM ME! JESUS PEOPLE!
2007-07-09 16:01:00 · update #4
No it is not right he is telling her not to tell you things they talk about. He is teaching her to be deceitfull and this can damage her perception of how to behave in relationships.
If their relationship is an 'open' one then your daughter should be able to talk to you about it 'openly' without reservation. This is a form of undermining your relationship with your daughter and of course your job is to protect her even if it is her father.
There is a fine line between "being a friend and being a parent" and your husband seems to have stepped over the boundary with your daughter. Our kids need us to be their parent first and foremost they seek peole to be their friends.
The content of the 'don't tell your mother' conversations could be leading to something that could be harmfull for your daughter.
Go on your instincts with this one and talk to your ex about the important role he has in your daughters life and you want him to be a positive role model for her. As we grow up our father and other significant male family members are the role models of what we look for in our partners. If he is teaching her to be deceitfull now she will believe it is right to do this in the future with other people. He is also undermining her trust in you.
Good luck.
2007-07-09 16:09:08 · answer #1 · answered by sag_kat2chat 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, if he is her father......she should be able to talk to him about anything. In the same sense that she doesn't have to talk to him about everything that the two of you share. It is hard for protective mothers like us to not be automatically on guard over a comment like that. I think we have a tendency to be over protective and that is the animal in us. You have to trust that your daughter is 14 and will know the difference between right and wrong when it comes to conversations that might be questionable. He very well may have told her this in order to build a confidence between them. Her relationship with you is your business and his relationship with her is his business....just so long as no one is being mistreated!!! It is hard to parent with someone who doesn't have the same mindset....frustrating even...just remember there is more than way to skin a rabbit...just because it is not the same way you might do it ....doesn't make it wrong!!!
I wish you luck...and BTW I agree.....I am the parent...not their buddy.....although they feel free to talk to me and confide in me doesn't change the fact that I am not afraid to piss them off if it is their best interest!!! Keep up the good parenting!!!
2007-07-09 23:05:06 · answer #2 · answered by yidlmama 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is your ex, your ex-husband and her father ? or your ex-boyfriend and not her father ? Etheir way if he is the father he does have the right to talk to her, if he's just your ex then if you don't like it, you need to stop it. You can be sometimes her friend so this way she's compfertable telling you things, but always treat her like a daughter.
2007-07-09 22:45:55 · answer #3 · answered by brittany 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Maybe he just wants her to know that she can come to him with any kind of question or problem. I wouldn't confront her or him about it. Instead make the same offer to her, let her know that you love her and that you will always be available to her if she needs you.
2007-07-09 22:53:08 · answer #4 · answered by alisjohnst 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely not. I wouldn't have that at all. He's playing your daughter to get back at you. I would nip it in the bud right away.
2007-07-09 22:42:08 · answer #5 · answered by Theresa F 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The REAL Question here is ...
WHAT is it that she is being told NOT to tell you that goes on at the Ex's home on visitation ...
THAT is very SCARY indeed.
2007-07-09 22:57:19 · answer #6 · answered by sglmom 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If what they talking about isn't any kind of abuse, WHY do you care? If that is the case, YOU are over reacting and interfering with their relationship.
2007-07-09 22:41:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
i agree with the above post, i'd be worried that whatever he was telling her to keep secret could be harmful to her.
2007-07-09 22:43:19 · answer #8 · answered by plastik_persephone 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋