Almost a year ago I had an incident with my soon to be mother in law. She went off on me calling me names and putting me down for no apparent reason. Since then I havent been able to get over it. I have done everything correctly with my relationship with my fiance. We are very happy and respect eachother very much. I love him with all my heart. But I cant seem to get past what happened with his mother. On top of all of that his brother took his grilfriend to meet her and they had a wonderful time. She loves his girlfriend but still dislikes me. Now we are planning our wedding- she tells my fiance she doesnt want to hear anything about our plans or anything about us. Its just making me sick the way she acts about us.
I was hoping i could get some advice to get over this or maybe someone knows about a self help book. Thanks for any help you can give.
2007-07-09 15:10:07 · 14 answers · asked by Stephanie Ann 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Do yourself a favor, put this wedding off for a year and see how you feel. I wouldn't get married to a man with a mother like that. You will be setting your relationship up for failure. Good luck and best wishes.
2007-07-09 15:18:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow that's a tuff question to answer, without knowing more details. I think I could give you some really good advise if I knew more about the situation, like ages,religion,ethnicity if you have children,ever been married before ect...I know that some cultures the mother is very overbearing and maybe she feels threat end by you. As an old saying goes, A son is a son till he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. That statement could not be truer. Word from someone who knows both sides of the coin. Good luck and I hope your a strong willed girl, just don't take any abuse from her okay.hopefully she will come to love you. You attract more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
2007-07-09 15:29:03 · answer #2 · answered by wildfiregirl100@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't give alot of details about why she went off on you, but its obvious you rub her the wrong way for some reason. Be the bigger person and always treat her with respect, then everyone will know who is in the wrong. Don't put her down to your husband, it will only cause friction in your marriage, and that's probably what she wants to see happen. Just concentrate on your big day and having a long happy marriage. I really feel your husband should put her in her place and say positive things to her about you. What is his relationship with his mother? Just live your life so that if she ever says another bad thing about you, no one will believe it. I think she feels threatened by you for some reason. Maybe you are a very independent type that she can't control and it drives her crazy. I went thru a similar situation and we ended up being civil, but it took a long time for her to accept me in the family. She is the one who will be missing out if she chooses to ignore your wedding plans; how will she feel when/if her grandchild is born? SHE has a lot to lose by her actions towards you. You are in control. She needs to apologize and accept you.
2007-07-09 15:20:42 · answer #3 · answered by casey308 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are feeling so bad. You did not say what the incident was, I think you need to elaborate on that so we could better understand what is going on here. Your future mother in law sounds very controlling. It is your Fiance responsibility to back you up 100%. and apparently he is not doing that! He should demand respect for you from his mother. If he cannot do that I would seriously reconsider marrying him. How will he stand up for you in life? Ask him to do so. One of my friends is now getting divorced after 2 yr of marriage for the reason of her husband not backing her up. After all, Marriage is a partnership for life. Take care and good luck
2007-07-09 15:36:58 · answer #4 · answered by spadivar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am speaking from experience. If your boyfriend is backing you up on this, you just have to learn to let everything about her slide off your back. The important thing is your guy is showing his support for you. If that is the case, it is probably driving her crazy. If your guy is a mamas boy and doesn't like you fighting with his mom, RUN!
My mil and I tolerate each other and that is it. But its ok because my hubby always had my back and I knew he would never take her side over mine. I am overly sweet to my mil and it kills her. I make it a game. How fast till I make myself want to throw up by killing her with kindness. I could only do that with my hubbys support. GOOD LUCK!
2007-07-09 16:07:21 · answer #5 · answered by jenk1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend as little time as possible around her. If people cant treat you with respect when you have been kind to them then they are not worth your energy. The fact its a family member or future one doesnt change anything, in fact it just makes their behaviour more despicable.
Ive seen people like her actually get pleasure from rebuffing kindness with cruelty. So do yourself a favor and let it go and dont go around her. If your fiance thinks you should be exposed to abuse then he is not much of a man.
2007-07-09 15:24:15 · answer #6 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're going to need the full support of your fiance in this. He needs to talk to his mother to let her know how much her actions are hurting you as a couple and if they continue, you will have no choice but to, as a couple, distance yourselves from the family. He may want to ask her what it is that is bothering her about you but make it very clear that the continued abuse will result in an estrangement between you as a couple, and her. I'm sorry you are going through this. But if you have to go thru it, go thru it together, solid, and undivided.
2007-07-09 15:20:09 · answer #7 · answered by JustamomnamedLillianNewman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but if she is acting like this now, she is never going to act any better. You had better love your guy a lot because she is going to try and make your life a living H&!!
Maybe the two of you can marry and move away so you don't have to deal with her on a frequent basis. Good Luck your going to need it.
2007-07-09 15:19:04 · answer #8 · answered by gagirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that you dont care if she doesn't approve because you are marrying her son, not her. But let her know that if she cant be civil and polite to you, that you wont let your children see and/or associate with her. She is making the choice. She doesnt have to necessarily like you, but she has to at least be able to hold a civil tongue in her head.
2007-07-09 15:19:47 · answer #9 · answered by Shafer Emma Katherine 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem here is not your mother in law, the problem here is that both of you are stubborn. You hurt her, she hurt you, and you both are hurt. All what you both need is to ask for forgiveness to each other. If she does not do it, well, you do it. Brake the ice. It is better than doing nothing for the cause.
Sometimes is very hard to take that step, but it is necessary, to be done. Otherwise, if you both are going to continue each other in the same position, believe me, it will come the time that your marry can be affected and destroy. Forgiveness is the answer and the best step to take when some things do go wrong. Forgiveness, change the whole panorama, and your relationship with your Mother in law can get in a better position. It is God's Law.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Mattew 6:14-15).
As you can see, it is a sin if you do not forgive. This can bring a burden to your life, and you do not need that because it is like building a mountain in front of you. Set yourself free of any burden by forgiving.
Do not complaint about the situation, otherwise is like adding wood to the fire. Just pray to God to help you and to give you the ocassion for you to ask her for forgiveness. God is going to do it, and the ocassion will come. Learn to trust God. He is our Father God and He is near you. He can hear you and even know your thoughts. Just ask Him and believe, and you will see your miracle comes true.
I believe that your relationship with your fiance is okay, but not with you mother in law. One thing goes with the other. Do not let open doors for satan to work in that relationship. Be smart. Try to show affection and love to her and you will see the result. It is good to have a nice relationship with your mother in law. It is a blessing. Let God to get into your business and you will see His blessing manifested in you.
If your mother in law do not want to hear nothing about your wedding with her son, remember, she is hurt, that is her reaction. Do not blame her. Do not let no one to bring you negative words about the relationship with her. Remember, do not lend your hears to demons for them to bring you negative thoughts about this matter. Just talk to God and He will teach you the way to do things in the correct way. God bless you.
2007-07-09 18:56:15 · answer #10 · answered by Tititita 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋