I just found pictures of my fiance and his ex-girlfriend...?

Question

We have been together for over 2 years and are just recently engaged. I came across the pictures while looking for a book I needed (so no, I wasn't snooping around). There are about a dozen pictures, some just of her, and some of them together. One is of them kissing. I am really hurt right now because I thought he would have gotten rid of everything that involved her. I know he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, I just don't like the fact that he still has pictures.

I want him to get rid of the pictures. I am not sure how to approach him about them. I know if I just "let it go" it will continue to bother me. I can't just throw them away...I feel like I need to let him know what I saw and how much it upset me. We are all about communication, but I don't know exactly how to do it. I can't get that picture of them kissing out of my head :(

Any advice is welcome. Thanks in advance.

Thanks for the answers so far.

We had a conversation over a year ago about getting rid of stuff from past relationships. He was really big about me getting rid of everything from my ex, and I gladly did so.

The pictures were in the envelope, sitting in the middle of the room with a few other of this things (it is a room he is just storing some stuff in for now). He has to know that they are there, and that's what bothers me. Why didn't he just toss them already?

And just an FYI, I am in no way insecure. We have a great relationship and I have no fear of him leaving me. We are both very successful and would do anything for each other.

Thanks to the people who acutally understand my dilemma. And for those who say that she shaped who he is today, they had a horrible relationship. In fact, we both were in horrible relationships before we met.

Answer 1

I think its great that everyone is being so nice in this thread, but i personally don't care to have pictures of my hubby and his ex lying around. I would just ask him if he wants to look at them one last time before they hit the dumpster. I also don't agree with everyone saying that it means you are insecure, I don't see the point of reminiscing about a relationship that is over with - people need to move on.

Answer 2

To be fair for the both of you, you must tell him honestly on how much these pictures bother you. Tell him honestly on how you came across those pictures, and the fact that he is keeping those images has made you grown somewhat upset for whatever reason. I'm sure the reason why he has kept some of those images was that he either has forgotten about them being still around, or that he has kept them because these pasts might have shaped him in some way in which he seems he cannot possibly let go.

Tell him how you feel, and try to tell him that you want to discuss this together just so you can try to let the issue go with him knowing how you feel. If you are curious as to why he has them, just ask him kindly, and try to be understanding when he answers. If he is willing, try to find a solution as to how to deal with the pictures (dispose them, keep only those that you are both ok with, etc). If he still wants to keep them because he feels it is part of his past that he cannot let go, try to understand and see if you can deal with him keeping those images.

Don't worry. I'm sure it's nothing that big of a deal. I hope that helps. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Give him the benefit of the doubt. He may have totally forgotten he has them. I know I have a ton of pictures that I thought I threw out hanging around in our office closet.

Just let him know that while you were looking for a book you found these pictures. Then either hand them to him, or ask what he wants done with them. If he says throw them out, that means he doesn't want them anymore and you have nothing to be hurt about. On the other hand, if he wants to keep them, that may be a problem.

Edit: Saw your added details.

"He has to know that they are there" just because you think this does not make it so, he may not know they are there.

The past DOES shape us into who we are today. Both of you learned from your past relationships and matured you into the person you are now. I would just point them out to him and see what his reaction is.

Answer 4

he's a guy. You, as a girl, would probably NEVER be able to forget pictures of an ex laying around in the storage room. Guys on the other hand, don't tend to get as sentimental about stuff like that. Chances are, he forgot they were there.

Just mention that you were looking for a book and stumbled across them. do it something like: "I was looking for XXXXX and I found an envelope of pics of XXXXX. I figured you must have forgotten they were there. I put them XXXXXX so you can take care of them later:)"

Don't make a big deal out of it.

Answer 5

I know it's difficult to look at them, but they are part of his past. My husband and I are still have pictures with our exes in them along with all of our other old pictures. I honestly think your fiance forgot about them and never gives them a moment's thought. If you feel like you need to talk to him, wait a little bit and talk to him after you have thought what you will say through. I know that I am emotional and have to get my bearings first. Good luck with everything and don't let the small things get you down. Look forward to your life together and enjoy this time with your fiance.

Answer 6

Feng shui advises against destroying the photographs of a previous love, no matter the life the person has now. They advise putting the photographs together, and securing with a red ribbon, as a farewell.
If they were your photographs, you could also give a sendoff voyage and place these in a small paper boat downstream, where they are sure to go on into...
If I were you, the photographs would disappear like magic, in flames, (use lighter fluid) in a park's barbecue pit outside, safely.

Answer 7

You can't expect him to get rid of those without knowing how you feel first. Even though they're not together, the pictures are a part of his past. I'm sure he has no feelings for her, but it's not a simple task tearing out a page in your life's book and tossing it.

If he wants to keep them, it's ok to feel upset about that, but he is marrying you. I get the sense you're not feeling secure enough, but each day focus on the positives - he's with you, he loves you, you're getting married. And start picturing you and him kissing to push those other photos out of your head.

Answer 8

If you are sincerely secure in your relationship, him having a few pictures around of his ex shouldn't bother you.

My suggestion is to talk to him about it. Let him know CALMLY that while you were looking for something else, you came across these pictures and that it bothers you why he has them. He may have a rationale reason and you need to hear him out.

Personally, I have pictures of my ex-fiance that my husband knows I'll never get rid of for the sole reason that he was my intermediate/high school sweetheart and that the pictures I have of him are from the massive numbers of proms and military balls that we went to in the course of our 9 year relationship. He knows that the reason I keep the pictures are not because he's in them but rather because they are a part of my high school history.

Good luck!

Answer 9

So you threw away part of your past that makes you who you are today because he's an insecure idiot? Guess what, he isn't for you. Don't ask him to do the same. That girl made him the guy he is for you today; if he didn't date her before you, you probably wouldn't be engaged now. I understand you may not like her, but honestly, she's helped shape him to be a good prospecitable husband for you. If you can't see that over that dumb picture, then go get your head checked.

Answer 10

Well, I think it's only fair for you to pull out all of the those pictures and ask him to get rid of them. I'm saying this because it sounds like the two of you already made some kind of agreement in the past to get rid of the past. So, now it's his turn.