Why do people think that ex-mormon automatically means anti-mormon?

Question

Just because someone leaves the church doesnt mean they are holding a grudge and want the church to die, etc etc. Maybe it just wasnt for them. I am an ex-mormon and i can honestly say i have respect for them as people, i just dont agree with them on some religious points, that's all. So does that mean that every single word that comes out of my mouth that can possibly be related to mormonism is a complete lie? Of course not! Honestly, i am completely truthful about the mormon religion, and i'm not low enough to just go around telling lies to try keep people from converting or whatever.

What i'm trying to say is that just because it wasnt for them, doesnt mean that ex-mormons are liars about the church, and they can still be credible in most situations.

PS I'm not denying that there are SOME people like that, but people automatically think that about ALL ex-mormons. Most of them are completely honest.

animal lover: dont apologize, i liked reading your soap box :D

Answer 1

I don't think ex-mormons take their separation from the church lightly. It's never a question of "I don't like it anymore", but a real jolt to their foundational beliefs. Add the typical mormon response "Oh, they must be bitter, been offended, lost the spirit, living in sin" which adds to the resentment between both parties. Once you realize what you've been taught for decades is not actually so, it becomes easier, and possibly necessary to dismantle the entire religion. Some of us need that as both a release and reconciliation for years of deceit.

Plus, "anti-mormon" has become such a trite phrase anymore, and one the faithful love to toss out as proof of their moral superiority. I view that with extreme mistrust of their intentions.

Finally, I don't think exmos have any intention of de-converting anyone who is solidly TBM, but to serve as warning to others who want to know more about this church/cult that they won't get from the mormons themselves. Perhaps this is our 'calling'...

Answer 2

I get that sometimes, but for the most part my family at least is non-judgemental. I wouldn't say supportive, but they don't judge me. My bishop might act otherwise once he realizes I'm not actually working every Sunday, and I'm sure others in the church will too. I do agree that people in the church are taught that when someone leaves the church it is because they are ashamed of some horrible sin they have committed or they were offended by someone in the church. You never hear about people leaving the church just because they realized it isn't true. However, even though I have left the church, I will always be "Mormon" from a heritage stand-point. My ancestry goes back to the beginnings of the church on both parents side, so I can't escape it. I feel sorry for the people who leave the church and are angry at all Mormons, just as I feel sorry for those who assume that all people who leave the church are "anti" Just because I don't believe the church is true, doesn't mean I hate all that it stands for. It still does many great things, and teaches good morals.

Answer 3

Maybe it's because many of what are considered "anti-mormons" have written books or have articles online or in some other forum are "ex-mormons" that's how they claim their credibility to be able to say some of the negative stuff, because then they have the "been/there-done/that" mentality.
They can be considered the experts due to experience that way.

I'm not sure what you're saying to whom to be called anti-mormon, but you don't have to be a mormon to have an opinion about the religion (so I've seen here so..) When commenting on the religion or stating things to people about the religion (unless they already know, that you were Mormon and are no longer) I wouldn't bring it up then the stereotype can't rear it's ugly head. Alot of times stereotypes like this (which isn't a physical stereotype) we place upon ourselves. (not intentionally) by putting a label on ourselves being "ex-mormon" or no longer a mormon however you put it hence drawing the stereotype to you. If it were me, I would just state my opinion and leave it as... it's my opinion and people should respect it, because they respect you not because of the been/there-done/that or anything like that.

Plus people are people and not everyone is like that, even if it's many! There are many out there, they wouldn't do that too, unfortunately seems like your running into the latter.

It's frustrating when people don't respect or confuse your opinions regardless of the content, I understand, believe me :)

And this is just my opinion! Thanks for the question!

Answer 4

this exmo isn't anti :)

The reason for this sentiment that "all exmos are anti" probably comes from the fact that it's taught to members that way.

When I first had doubts the first thing I did was go see the bishop, he said two three things to me.

1. I will find the answers for you (he never did)
2. Pray about your questions and go look for the answers yourself... use your intellect to find the answers yourself.
3. Stay away from "anti" material

I had never heard of ANTI mormon before that conversation and it confounded me because as a born & bread catholic I was encouraged to study other faiths and I have NEVER heard of a anti-catholic or an anti-muslim or a anti-anything when it comes to religion, you just don't have to deal with that kinda thing in America.

The point is, I was told not to look at anti material. This suggests the intent to point me in a certain direction. Well, if you only read "faith promoting material" as published by the church then the decision is made by only considering one side of the story.

There is a fear of this 'anti' material which is very prevelant in the mormon subculture. This fear exists because a lot of what you'll find on the 'other side of the story' is truly testimony shaking, and for good reason. This fear, coupled with the thought, notion or KNOWLEDGE that ALL so called 'anti' material is in fact REAL ANTI (as in COMPLETELY against) the church and that it's origins are satanic.

A common idea in mormonism is that anything which is not faith promoting and testimony building is viewed as either a trial introduced into your life by the Lord or a temptation of satanic origin.

You do the math.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. But I don't know what the answer is. I too was raised as a Mormon, but choose not to live as one now. There are a lot of people that look down on me for this. The rest of them are in denial. Like they just keep asking me when I am coming to church or they give me visiting teachers even though I have specified that I don't want any, etc., etc., etc. I have told these people that I have no interest in coming back to their church, but they seem to think I am only kidding or something.

Can I also point out something else that really bothers me about the "Mormon" states? I have lived in other states and nobody cares what church you do or don't go to or anything else like that. BUT if you live in like Utah or Idaho, you move into a new house and the neighbors come over to tell you what ward you are in and when church is and then when you tell them you are not a mormon or that you don't go to church, then they are like, "Oooohhhh." And then they suddenly get all quiet and don't really have anything else to say.

I mean, come on people, can't you just accept a new person into your neighborhood and not care what kind of a church person they are? As long as they are not criminals and are not doing anything bad, what is the problem?

Sorry about that, I got up on that darned soap box again and had a hard time coming off of it.

Really though, I understand what you are going through and I hope you find a way to handle it. If you come up with a good line or two, I would love to hear them -- maybe even use them sometime!

Answer 6

Most of my problem is the unexplained things that happened to me while I was a mormon, what were demons doing in my bedroom, why did I almost die four times, why do I have blank spots in my memories, were I remember things and then for a year or two there is no memory and then my memory picks up again, whats really wrong with my brother (my parents would never tell us kids), there are some other wild things, but they are too outrageous to mention and I have no answer for them, so until I can fill in the blanks to the lost memories, I really don't know what these other things are. I would be considered anti-mormon because of my crazy past.

Answer 7

I do not say that all Ex-Mormons are Antis. Although I must admit, it is usually correct, only because a majority of the people who leave the Church leave it because they were angry at someone/something, so they become hostile. I take the time to get to know the people first before I judge them as Antis or not. You don't seem like an anti.

Answer 8

Generally people don't leave a religion unless they disagree with it. People who disagree with a religion tend to try to get others to share their views. People who try to persuade others to disbelieve The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are commonly called anti-Mormons. I'm glad to hear that you are above that.

Answer 9

I think because there are a lot of ex mormons that are hostile to the church they just assume that all exmormons are hostile. I'm sorry that others are judging you based on a stereotype unfortunately stereotypes run around everywhere.

Answer 10

People posting lies and half-truths about Mormons are spreading Anti-Mormon sentiments whether they themselves are anti-Mormon is up to them to decide.

My brother who is ex-Mormon is not anti and would not dream of disparaging Mormons or any other church.

So no not all ex-Mormons are anti.