Is the info about family members sometimes heartbreaking?

Question

I was researching some death certificates and came across my grandpa. He put a gun to his head and committed suicide at the age of 50. I refuse to talk to my dad about his because it is nothing something you talk about. I knew my Grandpa was depressed and had alcholism problems. He was a great guy when he was not depressed my dad would say. He said he needs to remember the good times with him because those are more important.

Answer 1

Daniel, I really felt sad when I read your question, what a really sad way for him to die. My husbands grandparents were in a car crash about 10 years ago. They were in hospital on a life support machine, both of them. Then grandad took a turn for the worse on Christmas day, he died shortly after 5:30pm, my husbands uncle whispered to gran that grandad had died, the machine bleeped a little, then in the early hours of Boxing day gran died as well. They had a double funeral, and were buried together. It was like gran had held on, as she never opened her eyes after the crash. Grandad spoke a couple of times. So yes it does make me feel sad.

Answer 2

Constantly. You see someone in the 1880 census who is 4, and you know her death date is 1886; you want to invent a time machine and go back to put out the fire, pull her from the river, stop the runaway horse or give her a DPT shot 50 years before they were invented.

Dozens of my female ancestors died giving birth, sometimes due to something as simple as the doctor not washing his hands between patients, sometimes as complex as the mother being 4 days from a hospital and Cesarean births being 200, 100, 50 years in the future.

One of my 8 great grandparents got on the boat in France in 1866 with a wife and 10 kids. He got off in New York a widower with 6; cholera, which you can prevent by boiling the drinking water, took his wife and four of their children.

Answer 3

The more you research, the more you realize that we ALL have difficult, "scandalous" or disastrous events in our families. It can be extremely difficult, if you knew him, and were not aware of the circumstances. So, I send my hug for you on that.
There are alternative views... I held a lot of blame for many things in my mother's side of the family, until learning her history, of Polish immigrant families in Chicago in the early part of the 1900's. Her father died when she was less than 2 yrs old, and she and her siblings were placed in an orphanage. Knowing what I learned... was a way of understanding and forgiving things that I didn't know before.
It is good that your dad has good things to remember as well as the bad. One other thing about genealogy, is when you step back and see the connections way way back, it also shows how we all perservere, grow and continue, despite the hard parts. Hold onto the good, use the research for good.
IF you were to see a STRONG pattern of severe depression, or other suicides.. it may serve to alert you to possible genetic trending to such issues, and encourage someone to get treatment/ help.

Answer 4

First of all, let me say that that is heartbreaking. It is sad that you had to find out in that way. I know sometimes people want to keep things like that hidden. I feel over time that it should be talked about, but I know there are some who still do not about things like that. There are some in my family who would like to bury something about my gr,gr grandmother, even though it happened in the mid 1800's. They think it is still shameful. Her second husband wanted a divorce. He made up many lies about the marriage to get the judge to grant it. He even said that his wife was having a sexual relationship with her father. It was sad back then, but I don't view it that way today because it happened so long ago. I find it odd that people could be that heartbroken over something like that. I have even found that one my ancestors was murdered. That had to be very heartbreaking back then. I find it to be a curiosity today. It may sound callous, but it happened in 1870. It has become part of my family and I have to know these things.

Answer 5

I think in every family, someone in the family does sad, crazy,etc. things. Suicide is a act that leaves a family very devastated because they have a tendency to think they could have done something to prevent it. In reality the person that commits it has very deep mental problems and most likely no one could help them. My opinion is, its a selfish act that makes everyone else pay. We have to keep in mind of course....that person was not of sound mind.
Your dad is right about remembering the good times the rest was out of his control.

Answer 6

I had a great great grandfather that died in the great yellow fever epidemic of 1853 in New Orleans almost upon arriving from Prussian Poland. He left a pregnant wife and a young son, my great grandfather.

Answer 7

Yes, there are many ways to hear bad news. Sometimes the way you hear it makes it worst. I heard the death of my grandma threw the telephone. I wish I could heard a better way.

Answer 8

how sad to hear...50 is so young.....I found out my grandfather on my dads' side abused my grandmother...(they both died when I was young)...this would have been in the 40's and 50's ...it's sad that back then it was, how can I say this, acceptable? not a big deal??? and there wasn't help available like there is today....

Answer 9

I'm sorry about your family, and discovering it the way you did really sucks, for lack of a better term.

I want you to know that you are not alone. Everyone has something funky going on in their family--that is, everybody's family is a little fu*cked up.

Don't worry, dude.