I am worried about my mother-in law. she is consistently hinting that she will follow my husband and I wherever we decide to move. We've recently begun living together, and will be ready to move within a year. She is a nice woman but it clingy and unable to take care of herself any more than a 6 year old child. she consistently talks to me about adopting my future children "in case you don't want them"/ "you're not ready", but I personally don't want anything to do with her, becuase she never does anything unless she wants something in return. I'd like to say i'm a strong person, but I am afraid that my husband or I will give into her guilt trips since currently we are living with her until we find a place for ourselves (which will be completed within a year, as I said). I believe she will bring it up as we attempt to move, along with "oh you're abandoning me"/"stealing my baby"-like remarks, and wanting to follow.
we don't want her to live with our future family. What should we do?
2007-07-09 13:08:12 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
the mear thought of this makes me shudder. right now, i think, they're just half joking comments. kind of like trying to feel you out. don't let yourself believe any of it and don't have conversations about it. when she makes these remarks simply smile and walk away or change the subject. when it comes time to move, just do it. let her make all the comments she wants about taking her baby and all that.she can care for herself. don't believe that she can't. she has what she wants right now and is going to take it as long as she can. as far as telling you she'll adopt your kids cause you're not ready? blow it off. my mil used to call my kids "her babies" all the time. i found that the less i said about it the better. she finally gave up.good luck to you. you'll do fine
2007-07-09 13:37:06 · answer #1 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh this is a difficult one. This cultural tradition of hierarchy based on age is very traditional, but still goes on. You have 3 options, I think... 1) get more serious with getting your husband on board...he needs understand how deep your concerns are and that you expect him to deal with his mother and put the hierarchy back where it needs to be...with you two at the top and equal...you should demand this...he's not married to his mother, he's married you 2) speak directly with you MIL and lay down the law yourself, but in a manner that is respectful...when she tries to enforce her "house rules", tell her you're not living by her rules and ignore her and go about your business...the only way she can walk all over you is if you let her 3) do #1 and #2 There's a fourth option, but why go there unless you try everything else that you can first?
2016-05-21 23:49:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to address this to your husband. It is his mother, and if anyone knows how she operates --- it'll be him. And because he's your husband, I'd hope you'd have an open line of communication with him. With her needing so much care, I assume she is older. She won't be here forever.. if you try to take a stand to firmly -- it could be something you'd regret later down the line. I've had to live with my in-laws before... and I know how sometimes mothers can say things that you take to heart or seem downright hurtful. Put yourself in her place... you are "taking her baby" but tell her your taking her baby so you can give her grand babies. And you know your not giving your future children to her! humor her... tell her your waiting to have children but when that time comes if for any reason something were to happen... shes definitely at the top of your list, add in "you've done so much for us and we appreciate it, I know you'd take wonderful care of our children, if god forbid something happened." -- Even if shes at the bottom of your list... she doesn't have to know that, When the time comes -- if the time comes, you are your husband need to have an understanding that she cannot live with you. But you'll also have to recognize that you'll still have to visit with her frequently. Shes obviously a needy woman... If you were alone what would you want from your kids?
Keep open communication with your husband.. have him approach her regarding her issues with him and his future husband. She obviously loves him and would probably respond better to him.
Best of luck with the new house and congratulations!!
Hang in there...... and if nothing else works dig a big hole in the back yard!
2007-07-09 13:28:26 · answer #3 · answered by stifflergal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something the fellow needs to clear up with his mother...if he is unable , or worse unwilling, to tell his mother the two of you will be moving without her, you will have nothing but trouble from now on.
The worst thing a guy can do is fail to put himself and his partner ahead of anyone else
I strongly urge you to say nothing to the mother, this is your mans problem and he needs to address it right now.
Make sure you and your man are in agreement by discussing this problem and the ramifications fully
Good luck
2007-07-09 13:23:10 · answer #4 · answered by ambow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know where you are coming from. I have the same problem with my mother. She still thinks of me as a child and she can't do anything on her own. If she goes more than 25 miles out of town I have to drive her.
You are going to have to sit down and have a talk with her. Explain that you will be there if she needs you but you aren't taking her grandbabies away from her (when you have them). Apparently she isn't married? Perhaps you can encourage her to get involved in some community activities with people her own age. You could check with your local Y or library or even get her involved in church related activities.
I know its difficult but be strong and stand your ground. It will work out!
2007-07-09 13:16:16 · answer #5 · answered by sweetie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now is the time for a very important talk with your man. How he proceeds should be telling about how the rest of your life with him will go.
2007-07-09 13:13:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she's a religious woman ...quote the Bible to her ... where it says that a man shall leave his mother and cleave only unto his wife...
2007-07-09 13:12:59 · answer #7 · answered by Amethyst_Moonfairy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't flatter yourself - she may only be joking. Too, she must be capable - she's providing for herself now (and you & hubby are living w/HER).
If she is serious, talk to her. Or have her pastor or a trusted family member talk to her.
2007-07-09 13:12:04 · answer #8 · answered by bookworm5767 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yikes, tell him that the offer in NY sounds good....etc....
Don't let mother in law move in, unless you like divorces......
2007-07-09 13:11:49 · answer #9 · answered by kaliroadrager 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pick the name of another place and tell her you're moving there and can she please be a dear and go ahead of you and you'll meet up with her there. Then go in the opposite direction.
2007-07-09 14:27:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋