My future husbands brother has problems with their cousin who I happen to get along with and have as our personal attendant. A few months again the brother told us he wouldnt be part of it because of his wife having a problem with me who I hardly know. Now they have a problem with the cousin and told us he would be the best man if the cousin was not there. How would you handle this? ARRRRGGGGHHHHH
2007-07-09 12:53:46 · 23 answers · asked by Dove 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i would sit down with him and ask him genuinely to please put their issues aside to celebrate your wedding. i don't want to say use a condition, but you could always say, "please do this for your brother, if you aren't his best man, he'll be crushed." OR if it were me, i would say, "if you can't be there for us, then that's fine. i hope you get over it one day and realize that this day has nothing to do with your issues with your cousin. it's suppose to be a celebration of our love and if you can't support your brother when he's always been there for you, then you have no obligation to be." then find another best man. it might not be the best idea, but i wouldn't sacrifice one family member for another. that's not fair to you.
2007-07-09 13:01:10 · answer #1 · answered by rubydoobydoo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your future husband needs to tell is brother that this wedding day is about the 2 of you and ANY ONE who has a problem with anyone else should put their difference's aside and let the 2 of you have a very nice day.
You don't expect them to talk to eachother or even sit at the same table, but this day is not to be ruined by either of the people who are invited to your wedding.
A wedding is no place for family fueds and issues to be attended to - leave that for another day - your day should be filled with love and joy.
You can do this yourself aswell and if you really want you can call this soon to be brother in law and tell him straight that you ould really appreciate it if he and his wife (whom dispise you all of the sudden) would be kind enough to please attend your wedding and to forget about the cousin for just this one day and try to help and make your day special by not having to be worried about some fight breaking loose over their agenda's with eachother - IT IS YOUR DAY!!!
If they still don't want to come, go see your mother in law and let her sort it out - this will give you a little bonding with her as well.
You can always tell the brother that the cousin is not coming and the other way around as well, and hope for the best at your wedding, but I seriously would consider just telling them that this is your day and it's all about you and you would appreciate it if they will not make this day about them.
2007-07-09 21:48:02 · answer #2 · answered by fourie_lulu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does your husband-to-be think? It's HIS brother. If he wants his brother in the wedding at all costs, I'd say brother trumps cousin. However, it sounds like his brother and wife play these games all the time, so tell him you'd like him to be in (or at least attend) the wedding, but your cousin will be there, so if he doesn't want to attend, it's his choice.
BTW, your husband should be the one dealing with his brother about this.
2007-07-09 20:07:34 · answer #3 · answered by conicat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have him stand up for your wedding. There's too many issues with him and his wife and you'll get burned. This is your special day and you shouldn't have to deal with all this immaturity. Find someone else to take his place and tell brother that you will be inviting cousin. Tell brother that you would also like him and his wife to be there and wish you well, but you will understand if they can't make it and you wish them all the best.
2007-07-10 11:46:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him very strongly to GROW UP!!!! And it is their loss if they miss the wedding. I wouldn't worry about them not turning up. They dont sound like much of a loss to me. Keep the cousin in the wedding party. Dont let these rude and obviously childish people dictate to you who you can have in your wedding. If they dont like it they either suck it up or dont come. And I would be sure to let everyone who asks know why they didnt come. honestly, some people are so childish.
You enjoy your day and call their bluff. If they say they are not coming, say, Oh okay then, your loss. And leave them to get on with it. Chances are they will come on the day anyway. Dont let him ruin your day......Best wishes to you both!
2007-07-09 20:02:30 · answer #5 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother and his bride had a similar problem with her father. They jumped through dozens of hoops, made big compromises in order to get him there...and then he didn't bother to show.
My advice is that your fiance should let his brother know that you both love him and want him there, but the cousin will also be there. Then it's up to him whether he's more interested in his brother's happiness or his feud with the cousin and his wife's unfortunate decision to dislike a woman she barely knows.
2007-07-09 20:01:18 · answer #6 · answered by gileswench 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell him point blank that they need to grow the hell up. What a bunch of immature ******* (both the brother AND the wife who had a problem with you!).
Worst case, you just go on with your life and let the brother cut his own path of treachery. Is his spitefulness REALLY what you want at your wedding anyway?
2007-07-09 20:01:03 · answer #7 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance says:
We are so very sorry to hear that you will not be at the wedding and do not wish to be best man . . . but if that is your decision, we accept it. If you change your mind and would like to attend as a guest, please let us know.
Don't argue with brother. Leave the ball in his court. Your fiance (not you!) needs to let him know that both he and cousin are welcome. If he wishes to miss the wedding, then that is his decision.
Oh, and have a back-up best man in the wings! Good luck to you.
2007-07-10 00:57:06 · answer #8 · answered by Suz123 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
they should try to settle their differences or at least bury the hatchet for the one day...they all have a lifetime to "hate" each other which is sad becasue it takes too much energy to be negative.
i would try to talk with everyone, and let each one know how important they are to your ceremony. if that doesn't work, you and your future husband have some other considering to do. how about a civil service with witnesses and a party.
2007-07-09 20:20:48 · answer #9 · answered by loving 40+ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know he has to swallow his pride !! If he truly cares about his brother and his big day he'll stop acting childish. Chances are the cousin probably isn't even thinking about him.
2007-07-10 00:40:33 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Army Wife ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋