Ok here it is; I am currently dating this guy who is 33 & I am 26. He is NOT cute but I do enjoy spending time with him & he treats me like a spoiled princess. He buys me things, takes me places; etc. I COULD see myself having a future with him; I want kids & a family within the next year or so & he would make the perfect husband & dad. One problem though he puts me on the pedastel thinking I can do no wrong & then gets mad/jealous if I want to go out dancing & clubbing with friends--hes extrememly religious & doesnt do that kind of stuff & at time I feel as if he wants me to act as if Im 50--he says he just worries about me.
Problem #2; I am EXTREMELY attracted to his 21 year old brother! Who ALSO likes to flirt back with me; but I cant see a future with him right now since he's not ready to settle down & the brothers are EXTREMELY close; so what do I do; tell bro#1 Im attracted to his brother & cause a family fight or keep it quiet & stay with bro1 since I can see myself happy
2007-07-09 12:48:01 · 15 answers · asked by Melissa B 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can see myself settling down with brother # 1 who is conservative; but I can see myself having fun with brother #2 who is a bit wilder. Both are very close & if I reveal how I feel about his brother it will also cause tension between both of them AND their parents. I would LOVE to marry brother #2 buts hes not ready for that much of a committment & I AM ready to settle down.
The thing is if I DO stay with my bf & not say anything about his brother; HOW DO I FIGHT OFF OR KEEP FROM ACTING ON THIS INTENSE DESIRE TO BED HIS BROTHER! I HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM! I have NEVER desired a guy as much as I desire brother number 2! Do you think it may be just lust & infatuation?
2007-07-09 12:51:06 · update #1
for those who think I WANT to cause family trouble I don't! I have kept my feelings hidden for about 6 months now! Of course the brother #2 knows & is attracted to me also; its just NEITHER ONE of us wants to hurt his brother; especially since his brother is just recovering from severe depression; i met him when he was lonely & depressed & thats why he thinks I am his whole world; because he said he was lonely & no one would give him the time of day; I broke things off with him once before because I was attracted to his brother & didnt want to cause any drama; but I found that i DID miss him.
I DO have a good time when I'm out with him; what makes things more awkward is that both guys live together & even when we go out brother #2 ends up going out with us also!
I dont want to cause a family fight but I am extrememly drawn to brother #2. I just feel that if I keep quiet about it & keep it hidden from brother #1 it would be like using him-i make him take back his gifts usually
2007-07-09 13:23:14 · update #2
& I tell him to ease up on the religion thing with me & that I am young & want to go have fun. The only thing is that I HAVE become VERY close to his brother & even if I broke things off with bro 1 I would still be around because I adore bro 2; yes its true I am NOT PHYSICALLY attracted to the 1st brother but I DO knwo that physical attraction is NOT what makes a relationship work; its not only physical attraction to bro2; its his personality also we have so much more in common. Thats the dilemia; keep seeing bro 1 cause i DO care about him or break it off & give bro 2 a chance.
2007-07-09 13:25:37 · update #3
As much as you say you want to get married. its not something to rush and take lightly. it is a big step and a huge commitment. unless you are truly positive your man now is the one, i would stall. step back and slow things down with you man now. get to know both of them really really well. we cant help who we fall in love with. so if who ever you fall in love with, the other one should be able to understand. but like i said dont get into anything serious if your not sure. you'll end up hurting yourself and your man.
2007-07-09 13:11:57 · answer #1 · answered by ladyb_from_gridlock 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's too old for you why can't he find someone his own age doesn't he realize that most 26 year olds want to go out with friends and dance and flirt and whatnot.
You say he puts you on a pedestal? Have you ever seen a pedestal? They are small and there is not much room to move around.
Stop seeing him stop letting him buy you stuff, he'll think you owe him something no matter how "religious" he claims to be. Don't be in such a hurry to get married you have lots of fun to have before then, not to mention further to go in your career learn to be comfortable with YOU
As for the brother, How can two people brought up together be so different in their attitudes? Simple there is some sibling rivalry going on that has nothing to do with you.
Cut your ties with both of them and just date and be single
2007-07-09 12:59:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if i were you i would NOT pick # 1 because it seems like you would be settling if you married him. you are young and you want to have a good time (i.e. with brother #2). i say see if brother 2 has these feeling for you by asking him and telling him to keep it on the hush. u don't have to admit that you have feelings for him but just ask if he likes you. brother # 1 seems like a good guy except for the not letting u go out thing. imagine that you are married to him and he throws a fit because you want to go out. sometimes men change when we marry them and he may just feel that since you are his wife then you are just not allowed to do these things and he could be come violent or abusive. anywayz i would just slow things down with #1 and see whats up with #2. as long as you don't marry #1 because if you marry #1 while still having feelings for #2 then you will always wonder if you and #2 could have had something or even worse you could act upon the feelings. but then again being with #2 would probably cause friction or jealousy between the brothers. maybe its just best to leave them both alone!
good luck!
hope this helps!
2007-07-09 13:02:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you're interested in "dancing and clubbing" , then you're not ready to settle down.
It's one or the other, otherwise it just doesn't work.
Ask yourself what is more important to you in a life-time partner:
Is it someone that will take care of you, provide for you, cherish you OR
Is it someone that is very attractive.
Don't ever cause problems in a family.
The family won't like you, the brothers (eventually) won't like you, and if you have any morals...you won't like yourself for it.
I say it's either:
Stick to brother #1 or
be single and enjoy going out dancing and clubbing.
Don't rush settling down with one person until you know you're tired of being single, you don't want to go out dancing and clubbing any more, and you only want to be with that 1 person for the rest of your life.
Enjoy life, especially while you're young ;)
Yes, it's lust AND infatuation!
You always want what you can't have.
You will always run into people that you find attractive, but that doesn't mean you leave your boyfriend in order to "bed" other men.
See, it's this exact behavior, that means:
YOU ARE NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN.
You need to be single for awhile.
If you were ready to settle down, you would find other men attractive, but then walk away from it without another thought.
You are not able to do that.
Stay single, you have all your life ahead of you to be with one man....you're not ready for that now :(
2007-07-09 13:00:11 · answer #4 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are too immature to think about marrying and having children. Brother number one deserves someone who will respect his values as well as his family relationships. His brother is completely off limits, why ruin their relationship just because you are a jerk and don't have any morals or values. Leave them both alone and find someone else to bother for awhile. Brother number one should have someone with like or similar values who will enjoy his company and appreciate his religious beliefs and not someone who is so worried about the party, if that's the life you want then live it, but get away from these two brothers...all you are going to do is damage this family with hurt and why do that?
2007-07-09 12:54:40 · answer #5 · answered by txbeverly30 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think you should not marry any of the bros bcuz if u do marry bro 1, ur still gonna have lust over bro2 cuz he's always gonna be around and might end up going to bed w/ him one of these days and bro1 will get mad at you. and if u go w/ bro2, bro1 will be so upset that u marry his bro instead of him and u'll regret stuff and you'll always see bro1 cuz they're bros. do u get wat im saying? well gud luck w/ that and i hope u find a new guy who will be better and won't cause any probs.
2007-07-09 12:54:49 · answer #6 · answered by idk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to marry brother# 2 just because you have a crush on him? All your life you will run into people you are attracted to, doesnt mean you gotta sleep with em. If you see a future with bro 1 why would you ruin that over a lil sexual attraction to someone else?
2007-07-09 12:56:04 · answer #7 · answered by GARY M 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok heres what you need to do tell him you need some time to go out and have fun with your friends and that he shouldnt worry because the only guy you love and that belongs in your life is him amd forget about his bro that aint a good choice and the guy your dating seems to really love so dont take the risk of losing him because you might just loose alot take it from someone thats been down that road.
2007-07-09 12:56:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget them both. That extremely religous thing will be true of both even if it doesn't show up in the younger guy yet. (All religious types get much more strict after they have had their fun) If you differ on religion things are doomed.
2007-07-09 12:52:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope you get hit by a car. I mean you obviously aren't happy with your boyfriend. You just like the security he offers which makes you shallow. Do you want to really drive a wedge between to brothers so you can get bonned?
2007-07-09 12:51:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋