Lighten up everyone :)?

Question

THE LORDS PRAYER

During a Papal audience, a businessman approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope shook his head and said no to the offer. Two weeks later the businessman approached the Pope again, this time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, and this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announces his decision. "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account."

CAT GOES TO HEAVEN

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to
heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if
there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more
comfortable, please let me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my
life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a
hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and
a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic
farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, the
Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased.
We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with
brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do
you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have
to run anymore?"

The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse
with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat
and finds him snoozing on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are
things since you got here?"

The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is
wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And
those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

Answer 1

A teacher is talking to her class about whales. "It is physically impossible for a whale to eat a human," she says. A little boy says, "Jonas was eaten by a whale." The teacher tells him no that's impossible and they argue for awhile. The boy finally says, "Well when I get to heaven I'll ask him." The teacher asks, "What if he's not in heaven?" "Well then YOU ask him!"

Answer 2

A couple has a two year old in the living room and decide to test him.They place some cash, a bible and a bottle of wine in full view of the child.The child takes the cash puts it in his diaper,picks up the bible and places the bottle of wine under his arm.Ohhh Nooo!! the parents exclaim.he going to be a politician.

Answer 3

Good jokes! Not being Catholic though, when I steal the first one, I'll use Billy Graham or the like. Thanks - Instead of cursing the darkness, lighten up everyone! (I think that's some new translation...)

Answer 4

I got a really old funny story:

This woman said to me, "Give up your son; we will eat him today, and we will eat my son tomorrow." So we cooked my son and ate him.

Ouch, the story goes on to tell how the woman never gave up her son to be eaten and that it was morally ok to eat her enemies son.

Answer 5

The catholic one was funny.

Answer 6

Good jokes.

Answer 7

I am a Roman Catholic and I laughed...........you are right-----everyone lighten up!!!!!!!!!!!
God gave us a sense of humor......use it.

Answer 8

LOL that was cute,,,God Bless

LH

Answer 9

you've lost it, fluffy kittens

Answer 10

LOL!