Is this weird or WHAT????? 10 POints for decent mature answer?

Question

Is this weird or WHAT????? 10 POints for decent mature answer?
the girl i live with is really starting to freak me out...its as if everything i do she has to mimic and im finding it a bit suffocating....i moved in to her house about 4 months ago...anyway for the first time in 6 months had a date and because she did not have a date she literally went on the internet and found any guy like a mad rush, there have been many a times i have not had a date and been on my own and because this one time i had a date its like she had to prove she could get one too and she is 30! Now she has decided she want to change careers and try what i do for a living and she is even hell bent on working for the same company?? Im 26 so i dont know why she feels the need to be this way,, why do you think she is behaving like this??? Do you think she has issue should i speak to her about it how do approach the situation has this ever happened to anyone else???

Answer 1

Ever see single white female?
Its never happened to me but it seems she's quite jealous. She may have low self esteem and she's comparing herself to you every chance she gets. She takes it a step further by not only doing what you do, but (Im guessing) trying to outdo you as well. Maybe there is a way you can bring it up passively. Normally I would say just straight up confront the person, but she may be a tad unstable if she's trying to consume your identity. People like that have a knack for turning things around on others; playing the victim card.
I would start looking for places, and start detaching myself from interaction with her. She cant copy what she cant see.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, I'm not sure whether there is any reason to be "freaked out" unless she starts affecting your life in a negative way.

If your relationship is close enough, you might just point out that she seems to be trying to emulate you and ask her why she is doing this. It sounds like she is uprooting her life (e.g., her career change) for no particularly good reason. Whatever its affect on you, her behaviour may be affecting her life negatively.

Turning 30 is a bit weird for some people. You have your 20s to find out who you are and what you want, and most people have it figured out by the time they hit 30. It sounds like she doesn't and is getting a bit panicky (e.g., her apparent need to prove she can get a date).

Answer 3

Oh god, yes this has happened to me. When I was in college I had a room-mate who was the very same way. She wanted to take all the classes I took, she literally changed classes in the middle of the semester, and she would always go through my closet and help herself to all my clothes and shoes.

For your situation what I would do is first try to realize that she probably looks up to you in a really big way. She admires you so much and she figures you must be doing something right! Then if it really continues to bother you; you should talk to her. Tell her how you feel without putting her down or making her feel like she's a suffocating pshyco.

More than likely she doesn't realize how over-bearing she is being.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

I think she is play games with you because of jealousy. I do not claim to have the correct answer but what you described began when you moved in. She could not stand that you could have found someone other than her to go out with thus when you did she wanted to try and make you jealous with someone else. That did not work so she is trying to be with you more often by choosing the same career as you and with a bonus treat if she obtains a job with the same organization. That means she lives and works with you, almost like a married couple would have dreamed. I would try subtle approach to speaking with her because you may never know what she is capable of if she is willing to do all that to be close to you. In the whole statement, what I am trying to say she way want to be with you and not only be roommates!

Answer 5

Maybe she is just trying to feel younger. Either that, or she feels threatened by you. She is four years older than you, but it seems as if you have life a bit better than her.

At the same time, its a bit freaky. If you find it uncomfortable, you should contact her about it. Don't gang up on her and yell at her, but rather tell her how you truly feel. If she starts to get violent, I suggest to get away. She could be dangerous.

She could have a disorder. She seems like a very screwed up person. But, then you have to ask yourself this question:

Are you happy when she doesn't copy you?
If you answer yes, than kindly explain to her your discomfort.
If you answer no, than what are you still doing there? Get out of there while you can.

I hope I answered your question.

Answer 6

It may be that she looks up to you, even if she's older. It could be that she has reached a point in her life where she feels she's missed the boat...and you're taking the steps she never did. She may just be trying to follow your lead.

I don't know many women who do this (not to say that they don't exist) but many men hit 30 and THINK they have to recapture their youth. 30 isn't old, but they THINK it is. If I were you, I think I'd try to wait out the lease and find another place to live. In the mean time, ignore the things she CAN copy you on, and don't tell her about your future plans. If you apply for a job, don't tell her where. If you decide to go on a weekend getaway, don't tell her until it's too late for her to come. If it gets weirder...you may HAVE to come out and ask her why she feels the need to do this. Good luck!!!

Answer 7

First of all, this reminds me of the movie "Single White Female" This person that you live with is NOT mentally healthy!! Be very careful!! It sounds as though she has some serious mental health issues. It sounds like she has an identity problem and is trying to live your life because she doesn't know how to live her own. You definitely need to discuss this with her but it may be dangerous to do so and continue living with her. I suggest that you find new living arrangements but be very careful. She may be a stalker type too!! WOW!! Good luck and be careful with this. Encourage this woman to get help from a counselor or therapist.

Answer 8

It's a movie. Single White Female, right?

Keep your distance. I've had roommates get weird and start lying and faking things and it's not pretty.

It's nice when you can be friends with your roommate, but it looks like this one isn't gonna work out that way. Work on extricating yourself and don't tell her too much about what's going on.

But just to keep the peace, try to involve her in some non-mimicking-you activities. You two need something in common. Like, shared experiences.

Not your actual lives.

Answer 9

I think that your roommate is lonely and not a well defined person. She may also be a closeted lesbian who is looking to get closer to you, but lets assume for the moment that she is straight.

The way you describe her, it sounds like her life "began" when you moved in. She wants to do the same things you are doing, is finding renewed interest in dating and even wanting a new job. To some extent that is natural for all of us...the people we are around influence our lives, the hobbies we try out, the movies we go see. I have a friend who took a pottery class, and now I want to take one, etcetera. But, when its chronic, and in every aspect of your life, to me it points to a girl who i lonely and under developed. She may have never taken the time to find out what she likes, what she is good at. She may also have never had a close friend or sister, and she sees you as a potential new BFF.

She may see how much you love your job, and think, "She loves her job. I dont love mine... maybe if I tried what she's doing, I'd love it, too". Basically, she is unhappy with her life,or at least not satisfied with her life, and she doesnt know what she wants, so she is trying your life on for size.

People mimic/imitate/emulate others that they like and respect, so to an extent, you should be flattered. But I know when you are IN the situation, it doesnt feel flattering. Its suffocating and creepy.

I think you should sit her down and talk to her. Let her know that you think its great she is starting to date again, but wonder why the timing was so close to your date. "Do you feel like I wont like you if we arent doing the same things?" might be a good question to ask. Maybe make a comment that you'd like to know more about HER interests, hobbies, friends. See what she says to that. (I'm betting she doesnt have much to offer there).
I'd also let her know very nicely but firmly that you prefer to keep your work and private lives separate. Let her know that if she wants to change jobs, you think thats great and you'll be supportive, but that you would prefer she not work at your place of work.

I think if you approach it with a tone of "why are you doing everything i do? You're weird" she is going to clam up and get angry or create a bad iving environment. Try being really nice about it, but setting limits.
If she doesnt make some changes, start looking for a new place to live.

Answer 10

By far the best thing to do -- is sit down with her and talk about what's happening and how you feel about all this. Try to keep your statements in the first person - e.g. say "When you do that, I feel this...." rather than "You're doing thus and such to me". This will help keep the defensive walls down.

It also sounds like your "housemate" relationship is ambiguous. As part of the heart-to-heart recommended above, try to clarify what each of you wants and expects out of your shared living arrangement. If expectations are very different, it may be that living elsewhere would be best for both of you.