Ok…so this way cool guy in the office has a total crush on me…he makes it clear and his boss always jokes around with me about it…he knows I have a boyfriend and when he comes to say hi (which I don’t mind) I know he sees the huge picture in a frame on my desk of me and my boyfriend…but he still make the most awkward comments…AHHHH!!!!! He told me “I wouldn’t put you in an uncomfortable situation”…but the comments are crazy.
I know he wouldn’t act on anything…that’s not in question…but should I just ignore the comments or what???
2007-07-09 11:26:22 · 20 answers · asked by kmkey7 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
he came in this morning (the next day) and said "hey, i just want to say sorry, i feel like i made you upset. i want to apologize and make sure everything is ok"...so he obviously knows it's NOT appropriate so we'll see if it continues...thank you all for your advice. i feel fully prepared to handle this sitauation if it progresses!!! THANK YOU!!!
2007-07-10 05:01:51 · update #1
The responses regarding this situation being sexual harassment are very correct. However, you are not "required" to tell this person to stop, as many have said.
I have had this happen to me, and the next step for you is to write a letter to your supervisor (yes, the one who JOKES about this!). Tell him that "cool guy's" behavior is sexual harassment and is making your work situation very uncomfortable and you are not working at your peak performance because of it. Cite for the Boss a couple of examples. Tell the Boss that this is a very SERIOUS situation for him and the company because this harassment is illegal.
Tell Boss: "Cool Guy" does not seem to understand the SERIOUSNESS of this situation and that HE CAN LOSE HIS JOB because of it. You are officially requesting that Boss please help "Cool Guy" to understand his situation and to end the behavior immediately. THEN BE SURE TO ADD THIS: "Boss, it is my sincerest hope that you will be able to resolve this situation, because you do not wish to have to go further up to get some help." You see... "BOSS" has a boss, too. If Boss does not take you seriously, he will then be "on notice" that YOU have full intentions of going to HIS BOSS. If Boss ignores you, he can be in HUGE trouble with HIS Boss.
As suggested, DOCUMENT everything.... if there are further comments, even by Boss ("Oh, c'mon, girl, don't you think you're taking this too seriously?") DOCUMENT!!! Any retaliation for REPORTING harassment is also ILLEGAL. If you are called into a meeting... BRING A TAPE RECORDER!!!! Be open about it, and if they say not to bring it in, refuse to attend the meeting. If they fire you... MARCH STRAIGHT to your lawyer!
Good luck... and again... DON'T LET THIS GO ON!
2007-07-09 18:19:00 · answer #1 · answered by wyomugs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he says "I wouldn't put you in an uncomfortable situation" yet he persists in doing so, then YOU need to look him straight in the eye, and say "Well, you ARE in fact doing just that, and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop it". It's up to YOU to "draw the line". You need not be nasty or rude, just straightforward, and DON'T smile, when you say it, either! That will simply undercut the point you are trying to make. i can tell you, if he REALLY was "way cool" he wouldn't be such a moron! Remember,you have to still work with him, so it's important not to be harsh or unpleasant, simply "blunt". It might be good to have somebody around as a witness too, or maybe have your cell phone on "capture" as proof of what was said, in case he tries to say later you were 'rude' to him and get you in trouble. Some men can be as spiteful as women when you cut them down to size.
2007-07-09 12:53:27 · answer #2 · answered by Vajranagini 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him very firmly that his comments are making you uncomfortable and that you would appreciate that he stop them right away. I would also let my boss know that you do not care for his unwanted advances and that you would like him to make sure that this guy stops. What you are experiencing is sexual harassment and your boss and his company could be in big trouble if it continues. I would be polite to your "crush" in a working relationship type of way, but comments about you, your boyfriend and your relationship are out of bounds.
2007-07-09 11:36:45 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try jokingly asking him to stop first. if he doesn't get it then be straight forward and tell him that he is really crossing a line and you don't appreciate it. That should get his attention.
Don't report him to your boss or file a lawsuit. It doesn't sound like he is your superior or has any decision-making ability in regards to your job so it isn't a legal issue. Most sexual harrassment cases actually end up in the victim being moved or asked to leave, and are often not worth the trouble when a direct approach in asking the aggressor to stop would have likely worked.
2007-07-09 12:14:23 · answer #4 · answered by Rob 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How historical is she? Just ask her why she was once looking it. Its flawlessly ordinary for a baby to begin fingering and touching and looking beside the point matters. Children be taught new matters day-to-day, and they're going to appear for brand spanking new interesting matters to do.Tell her well that that is beside the point. Then, inform her why s** is completed, ask her lightly approximately fingering, and inform her its mistaken. DO now not lecture, simply provide her a comforting lesson approximately this. Tell her it is pleasant to peer her doing whatever new, and inform her it's alternatively beside the point. Give her a amusing and comforting lesson, now not a protracted uninteresting historical university lecture. Also inform her she will be able to ask you whatever approximately this. Make her consider that she did whatever mistaken, however inform her she is shrewd for finding out whatever new. Oh, and do not punish her, or shout at her, or allow or not it's.
2016-09-05 21:24:46 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He IS putting you in an uncomfortable situation! It's called sexual harrassment, and it's illegal. Even if he has no intention of physically abusing you, the verbal abuse is wrong.
If you didn't mind his banter, that would be one thing. But since you do mind, tell him so, and tell him to stop. If he doesn't, report him to the boss and to your human resources department. Start now making notes--including date, time, and speech used--of every time he sexually harrasses you. If he doesn't stop, he should be fired. If things really go south for you, get a lawyer.
2007-07-09 11:32:16 · answer #6 · answered by MNL_1221 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, you need to decide if you like the comments or not. If so, well, then I feel kinda sorry for your BF. If you do, then just say "Hey, cut it out! You know I'm taken". Even though you sound like you are sorta joking, he will get the point.
2007-07-09 11:31:56 · answer #7 · answered by Sabrina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone is making comments that are making you uncomfortable and you tell them to stop. They should stop. Otherwise it is harassment.
Ask him to please stop. If he doesn't, start documenting, because that is how the bullying starts. Just be careful and wise. Don't let this continue. It may be innocent...but it might not stay that way.
You really know that this is not evolving well, don't you?
2007-07-09 11:34:51 · answer #8 · answered by Goddess of Laundry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should either try and deal with the comments, or tell him that they are really bothering you and to stop. He should understand if he doesnt want to put u in a situation
2007-07-09 11:31:44 · answer #9 · answered by J Con 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he makes a comment that makes you uncomfortable, call him on it. Do it politely, sweetly. 'Why do you say that?' 'Where did that come from?' lf it's a comment directly about your relationship, try 'you talk about my relationship a lot. I don't understand that.'
Stay polite, don't come across as offended, just as curious about what he's talking about.
2007-07-09 13:04:03 · answer #10 · answered by Tammy W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋