I recently was in the uncomfortable situation of having my ex-finace (and father to my daughter) in my home, while my current fiance was there.
Neither introduced themself to the other, and I did not introduce them, as I did not feel it my place, as I was not truly a hostess to the situation and was more worried about my daughter's comfort rather then if they knew each other's name (which they do).
My current fiance says he felt it was my ex's responsibility since he was "in the situation" versus my fiance who is kind of on the outside looking in.
My ex is mad and ranting and raving as to why I did not introduce them.
These are grown men, both older then myself, shouldn't one of them have been the bigger person? and if so which one?
2007-07-09 10:50:25 · 16 answers · asked by bensbabe 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
please understand, I am not trying to find ways out of introducing them, but my daughter is 2. She doesn't remember seeing her father the 3 times she did in the first year of her life, and thinks my current fiance is her daddy, so this was very distressing for her as my ex's stepmother kept telling her to go to daddy and getting upset with her when she went to my fiance.
I was trying to keep my daughter at ease and basically left the introductions to the two of them.
2007-07-09 11:00:33 · update #1
Since you are the common link you should make the introduction. However if you failed to do this for some reason, one of these guys needed to step up. The father of your daughter needs to make his presense be known if you fail to make this introduction.
Look at it this way...this guy is your fiance and you need to make comortable in your situation...so in the future...grandparents, aunts, birthdays... introduce the guy you are with as needed.
2007-07-09 11:03:13 · answer #1 · answered by mpasnick 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are common, you should introduce. You are the "hostess" in your home. Then acknowledge the uncomfortable situation and your hope that it will get easier over time. This will lessen the tension for all. It might even lighten things with some humor about the situation. Plus if you are doing "pleasantries" your daughter will feel that as more "normal" than what transpired. I know it is a horrible situation, I am there myself unexpectedly too. But it will be easier to acknowledge the reality instead of pretend like he doesn't exist like my ex does. Pretending it will all go away if you ignore it doesn't work, it won't.
2007-07-09 19:28:40 · answer #2 · answered by in the middle too 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that this occurred in your home. That would make you the hostess. Even if you were elsewhere, you are still the common party to both of them. You should have introduced them. By not doing so, you added to a situation that would be tense and uncomfortable under even the best of circumstances. And may have laid the groundwork for future tensions. Take the responsibility, apologize to both men, and move on.
2007-07-09 17:58:15 · answer #3 · answered by Tom K 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have made the introduction, it is your home and out of respect for both your daughters father and your current fiance. Ignoring the situation only made it worse, for everybody.
2007-07-09 18:05:01 · answer #4 · answered by Tea G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the bigger person should have been you. Of course you're worried about your daughter. however she knows one is her father and one is going to be her step-father. so you've got to take the first step and show her there's nothing to be uncomfortable about. it is, what it is.
Certainly it would have been nice if one of them did the intro, but you can't depend on others to make a good example for your daughter.
2007-07-09 17:55:34 · answer #5 · answered by brk 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your house, your responsibility. you should have been the bigger person instead of thinking about reasons why you shouldn't introduce them.
additional response: it's time to grow up. sometimes we have to do things we rather not in order to maintain some civility. your child can sense your uneasieness so it is better if you try to mask it with a simple polite gesture.
2007-07-09 17:54:20 · answer #6 · answered by colormehappy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your home and your boyfriend and your ex= you make the intros.
It is just the "right" thing to do, it might make everyone feel more at ease and it would show your child that you are all civil.
2007-07-09 17:55:32 · answer #7 · answered by pearcesrule 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you shouldve introduced them. However, I would addressed my current fiance first and introduced him. Shows his importance to you. Sticky situation, I don't admire it.
2007-07-09 18:05:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have introduced them. But that said, you ex with his ranting and raving was inappropriate.
2007-07-09 18:04:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anna Lynn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they r just getting mad because one of them feels he may be losing his daughter to the new guy and the other doesn't want the old guy around just incase he sets of some old sparks, they're big boys they will get over it
2007-07-09 17:54:38 · answer #10 · answered by lexi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋