We have been engaged for over a year now and he has promised me on several occasions that he was going to tell his parents we are getting married. He finally told them that we are considering getting married, but not that we have already set a date and have started the planning process. He says I am pressuring him and that he doesn't see why it is so important that his parents know we are getting married. He is very close to his parents (Whom I still haven't met after 3 years of dating). I feel as if he is ashamed of me. I have 2 children from a previous marriage. He has been in their life since they were 3 and 1 yrs old. They call him Daddy and everything. His parents don't even know about him adopting my children. He doesn't have any other children and has never been married before. I don't want to start paying to much money towards this wedding or investing to much time in the planning process (He wanted the big wedding I didn't), if he isn't planning to marry me.
2007-07-09 09:20:05 · 25 answers · asked by Thursday, 12/31/2009 is our day! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
So I'm thinking that the wedding will take place right? I'm not sure. There are alot of issues which need attending to. I suggest that you both sit over dinner or whatever and seriously talk about it. I also think that his parents should know about the date otherwise they will feel left out unless they are the type of people who get too involve and just take over everything. Maybe that's why he haven't told them as yet. But the question still remains and you must find out.About your children that's nice what he wants to do but then again he too must be sure if that's what he really want. There are children involved and they get hurt very easily. He should also mention that to his parents it's not a must but it's his choice. About not meeting his parents after 3 years of dating that concerns me. I also feel that since he wants a big wedding since it's his first time that's expected. don't feel to selfish since you experienced one already.Again talk about it and come to some compromise
2007-07-09 09:53:07 · answer #1 · answered by elva f 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say that I think the reason why he won't tell his parents is because you have been married before and have kids from a previous marriage. And I think that is WRONG! He needs to step up and tell his parents whatever the outcome may be. You know you guys have been together 3 years and engaged over a year which is really crazy why you haven't even met his family. You really have to go up to him and get some answers. If he really does love you and your kids he would have told his parents about you long time ago and would be proud to be with you. So you have to get some answers. And if he doesn't give you any answers then you will have to move on. He can't tring you on like this.
2007-07-09 11:47:52 · answer #2 · answered by TJ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. "We aren't financially stable yet, which is my biggest worry." 2. "my grandpa just passed away about 2 weeks ago. It was very unexpected, and I'm kind of messed up mentally" 3. stressed about... plan the wedding while being in school full-time 4. "I hate that it falls on a Sunday" 5. "I'm thinking March 2010 sounds good" 6. " I don't feel 100% wonderful about the date" 7. "My parents want us to wait until next year" Look at all the reasons you have to move the date to a different date - your wedding should be happy and not full of stress or tension. It sounds like you have every reason NOT to go forward with things as planned. (Just curious - why do you parents want you to wait?) Discuss it all with your fiance, the more honest you are the better I think - and if he gets mad about the date, he gets mad - just get it all out on the table. Maybe it would be better to wait until after you finish nursing school.
2016-05-21 21:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
where in the world do his parents think he is when he is with you, and for the last 3 years? has he really adopted your children or is that more wishful thinking from you? your post sounds very intelligent, but your question sounds like you have been sweeping reality under the rug! if he is close with his parents they must live in the same town or thereabouts as you and he do, right? by the way, where are your own parents in this? hasn't your own mother in the last 3 years wondered how you can be planning to marry someone who keeps you hidden? right now, this very night, you and he and the kids are going over to his parents house to meet his lovely parents. tell him you love him and you cant go forward with this relationship one more day unless this happens. and if he loves you and all is as he says, it should be a joy, not a problem for him to do so. say those exact words. if he balks, for any reason whatsoever, he is not ever going to!! he is using you!! he does not care a bit about you!! do NOT see him again. ever. or you will be writing this same sad letter year after year. and, i am saying this gently, try in the future not to pretend for years that something is what it is not, unless you have resigned yourself to the fact that that is all you are ever going to have. if you are smarter than that and better than that, tonight is the night.
2007-07-09 11:59:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would stop planning until I met his parents. If fact I wouldn't set a date if I hadn't met his parents. If his parents don't know you're getting married I would assume no one on his side of the family knows about it.
I agree with everyone else. This is a MAJOR red flag and I wouldn't be worrying about my hair, I'd be worrying about your future with this guy.
Halt the plans now and get this straightened out. Planning a wedding before his parents even know about an engagement will only make things worse when you finally do meet them and they find out you're planning a wedding.
2007-07-09 09:35:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is afraid that his parents will opose of the relationship. I agree to certain point that such heavy news may set wrong with conservative or judgamental parents, and maybe he is afraid that they will reject you altogether.
Now, about you meeting his parents, that is really worrying. You should have met them by now... do they live far?
Yes, you should be worried, he has to grow a pair and be honest with his parents...the more he waits, the worse the situation will be.
If I was you, I wouldn't be picking my wedding dress quite yet. You children are nothing for him to be ashamed for, and he should introduce you to his parents and face the music if he is serious enough about getting married.
Good luck
2007-07-09 09:29:43 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. There are red flags in every line of your post. You haven't met his parents, you've been engaged for a year and they don't know about it... yet he's supposedly close to them? Either there's something up with his relationship with his parents (he's lying about it) OR he's ashamed (or something) of you and this is going nowhere good. You need to sit down and talk about this now before you and your kids end up hurt.
2007-07-09 11:35:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not put one thin dime into this wedding until he tells them and you have met them. Have you been to his home where he lives at? Make sure he is also contributing to this wedding if you are paying for this rather than your parents. I would put my foot down now and insist on meeting his parents and the two of you telling them you are getting married or break it off with him.
2007-07-09 09:32:51 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down & talk about this. Personally, I think this all sounds very bad. For him to be close to his family, they should have known. My husband told his family before he even asked me to marry him that he was going to do it. Dating for 3 years & never meeting this family? Beyond a huge red flag for me. You really need to sit down & put your foot down. You have wasted enough time & your kids hold him as their father. You need to fix this now before any more days pass. Tell him he needs to either plan a meeting of the family, where he will tell them you're in fact planning your wedding or you will move on. You HAVE to do this. Honestly, it sounds to me like he is stringing you along & for the sake of your children you need to know now instead of another 5 years from now. Good luck.
2007-07-09 10:16:56 · answer #9 · answered by layla983 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Uhhhhh WOW!!!! He wants to marry you but doesnt want to tell his parents you're getting married, nor let them meet you... what do they say about this?! How old is he? I think you guys need to get to the bottom of this VER QUICKLY before you decide to plan anything further. In fact, perhaps you should tell him you're not planning anything else until he tells his parents and all of you meet. Including the kids. I'm shocked you even set a date!!!! :O
2007-07-09 09:35:53 · answer #10 · answered by Melissa 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋