I run a group of people with similar spritual beliefs. the thing is a girl has asked to join, we've discussed it and it was a unamious discision that she was not right for the group, and a group leader, its my jod to say no. but how do i do it? i just feel mean!
2007-07-09 08:21:56 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
the reason we turned her down was the only aspect of the group she likes is meditation, which is a tiny part of what we do. she doesnt have the seem beliefs in animal rights as we do.
2007-07-09 08:28:38 · update #1
the only requirement for our group is:
MUST belive that animals have exactly the same rights as humans.
we are open to discuss it, but our group is a place were we work with our belief, not debate it.
2007-07-09 09:01:23 · update #2
I also run a group that is similar to yours. First of all, don't lie to her like several people on here have suggested. That will just cause you more problems. One thing I have to ask is, do you have something set up, in writing, that states the requirements for membership to your group? If you do, I would assume that she doesn't meet those requirements, so tell her just that. If you don't, I would suggest you work with your other group members and come up with one. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything with rules, laws and such. Just something that simply states what it is your group believes and some basic statements on behavior, repectfullness, etc. Basically, common sense stuff that any adult should have anyway. Having it in writing like that, with everyone in agreement, will help your group in terms of any newcomers that may or may not be appropriate for membership in your group. If you don't already have something like this then I would suggest you be honest and open with her and tell her why she is not suited for your group. I would hope that it's not something petty though. If it is then she's probably better off not being part of your group and you guys needs to reevalutate what you're doing and grow up. If it's not then I wouldn't worry so much about. If it's a behavioral thing then tell her that. She obviously needs to do a little growing before coming into a group setting. If it's spiritually, then maybe she needs to work on her path alone for a while longer before she joins a group. If you approach the situation with honesty and maturity you shouldn't have an issue with it. If she ends up getting pissed off, all I can say is, oh well, she's obviously not mature enough to be part of your group so you made a good decision. Hope this helps. Blessings!
2007-07-09 08:52:41 · answer #1 · answered by Belisama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should shut her out completely, because you grow and learn sometimes from the most unlikely people. But since you have all voted on it, meet her and be nice and tell her that your group holds similar spiritual beliefs and that while you could have her as a guest (ask the group for that possibility), the group doesn't feel she's a good fit. Sometimes the best way to say no is just to say it without any false flattery and/or flourishes.
2007-07-09 08:26:48 · answer #2 · answered by Maya's Angel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing you are in High School. Anyhow, just think how you would feel in the face of this rejection and decide how you would want to be told. Think about the reasons you and the rest of the group feel this way and see if these are legitimate reasons, or if this is simply about discluding someone for trivial reasons.
However if your reasons are legitimate and your group really doesn't feel comfortable with her as a part of it then it's not fair to the rest of you to all have your feelings compromised for the sake of hers. Unfortunately this is the down side of leadership but I'm sure that if you decide this needs to be done you can find a way to tell her that is fair. If you give her legitimate reasons and she is upset by it that will be her problem and although it is unfortunate you are not responsible for her feelings.
I hope this helps;)
2007-07-09 08:34:07 · answer #3 · answered by PaganPixiePrincessVT 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why did you turn her down? You don't have to feel mean if your reasons are honest. I can't come up with a good reason why you would turn someone away from your faith based group but apparently there was a reason. I think you should write her a letter, and be clear as to the reason.
If I was her I would laugh at the clique mentality and be glad I'm not part of the group.
*Edit: Ok I see now - the animal rights beliefs are different. So explain to her that you believe the difference in values will cause some conflict. She shouldn't have a problem with that.
2007-07-09 08:25:39 · answer #4 · answered by ♨UFO♨ 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
well what were the reasons? was it spiritual differences or purely personalility related? if she isn't a trouble maker or difficult to get along with why not include her, you can learn an awful lot from someone who is different than you. but if your group decides they still don't want her then just be honest with her, not mean just honest. tell her that the group feels she is just not right for them all and that although you feel bad it was your job to tell her. tell her you are sorry and it doesn't mean she's a bad person or unlikeable it's just that the two don't fit. maybe offer up other groups she might fit better into.
2007-07-09 08:26:26 · answer #5 · answered by ?! 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Spiritual beliefs are what your group is built upon. I have religious beliefs and I try to be the best person I can be and as friendly as possible. Jesus Christ never turned anyone away but welcomed them with open arms.There are many shy people out there that just need a friendly face and acceptance. Giver her a chance. Try to put yourself in her shoes and imagine how lonely she must be. Maybe she will learn to care for animals the way you do.
2007-07-09 08:30:32 · answer #6 · answered by Do You Feel 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Can I ask why you feel as though she is not right for the group? I cant tell if you are actually being mean or its a "thats life" sort of thing. Is this just a group that gets together and studies the bible or whatever it is you are into? If thats all it is I cant see why more the marrier type of thing doesnt apply.
2007-07-09 08:26:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
What is your group afraid of? Are you so insecure in your beliefs that you don't think they can withstand a debate? Is that why your group does not want to accept her?
Personally, I think you should accept her and see what happens. If it turns out that she wanted to join just to cause the group problems, than she can always be expelled.
I think it would be a candy a**ed thing to do but, if you don't want to accept her, than you have little options but to just tell her the group decided that she was not a good fit and avise her to move on.
2007-07-09 09:00:36 · answer #8 · answered by holdemfoldem911 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just tell her that it was decided that this group was not a good fit for her.
Let her know it was a unanimos decision, she shouldnt want to be in a group that all voted against her membership.
Now, the question I have for you is Why would you turn down a member to your group if she has the same spiritual beliefs?
Are your beliefs that of exclusion?
2007-07-09 08:28:03 · answer #9 · answered by cindy 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well what were the reasons you voted against her? Was it because she didn't have the same spiritual beliefs? Then just tell her that.
If you don't want to tell her the reasons, just say the group is full. That way you avoid hurting her feelings.
2007-07-09 08:26:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋