they say were to young..?

Question

i'm 20 and i feel ready for marriage, ive been with my b/f for 3 years and i know im ready for marriage. so why do people say were to young? what makes them so sure.

Answer 1

Probably because they were all 20 once. As you get older, your perspective changes a lot. That's not to say you can't get married at 20 and have a successful marriage, just that most people can't gauge the situation correctly at that age.

Answer 2

They are only sure that 20 is too young for THEM. They cannot speak to or about what is in your heart or mind or of your b/f. Statistically, people who got married young stayed married because they developed the same likes, loves, dislikes and detests together based on the same shared experiences. If you find a couple that has been married for more than20 years I will guarentee you that at least one of them was in thier teens or early 20's. The problem with getting married later in life is that you develop based on your own experiences and deal with them differently than when you have someone that shares the experience and the two of you work through them together. By marrying later you (and your mate) have become too set in your ways and there is little room for compromising - why? - because we stick to what we know and have experienced and for some rediculous reason we become affraid to open our minds to a different understanding. If your parents are still married and you don't already know ask them how old they were when they met, how long had they courted and at what age did they get married. People say that there are many things yet for you to experience before you settle down and I say that's a big bunch of cow dung. What good are happy times without someone close to share them with and it is always a good thing to have support through the sad times. Your parents won't always be there and most certainly even your best friend won't - but your mate - if it's true love will be there from the words I do "till death do us part! I say that if you are really so certain and your b/f is as well then make the commitment but here are some words of advice for any relationship - It's NOT 50/50. If you or your mate are only putting in 50% then where is the other 50% going? When you make the commitment it must be 100/100 for it to last. Do that and nothing in this life or the next will pull you assunder. Good luck and be happy that you have found someone.

Answer 3

Cause you have been with him since you were 17. You two don't know the world and dating outside of each other. I know you've already been together for 3 years, but I'd say wait a few more to get married. Make sure that once you two get out of college or figure out what you want to do with your life you both still want the same things.
This happened to me. I was 18 and he was 20. We dated for 2 years prior to getting married. I was happy but he wasn't sure that he wanted to be married. He waited to say this til after we were married for a while. We really tried, to make it work. We didn't get a divorce for 4 years.
I know its hard to wait to get married. Its so exciting and you are so in love. Just make sure you go to pre marriage counseling at your church before hand and try to talk to each other about every situation that might come up in the future. Like where you want to live, what you want to do, how many kids you want, what religion will they be raised (if any)...things like that.

Answer 4

Probably because they, like me, have seen way too many people get married too young and divorced not long after. Not to mention, everyone was young once, and most of us can attest to the fact that we aren't the same people we were when were younger. We grew up, gained knowledge, gained experienced, grew apart from some people, grew closer to others. You should really consider (both of you) getting a college degree, doing some travelling/exploring, learn to be comfortable by yourself, learn to do things for yourself. Optimally, I would suggest the both of you live on your own (not together but separately, either by yourself or with a roommate) and see if you can do that. Try to wait until you are at least 25. If it is truly love and you are truly meant to be together, 5 more years won't make a difference.

Answer 5

I won't say that you are too young because I don't know you and how mature you are. 20 is a very young age to get married. I was married at 19 and am still married after 7 years although it hasn't come without hardships. It is not something that should be considered lightly, but you also need to make that decision for yourself and if you feel that you are both ready then go for it.

Answer 6

Well I'm not saying you are too young b/c you know yourself better but there are reasons why people say that.

One-your brain is not through growing. Scientifically your brain has not reached adulthood until approximately 23 years old.

Two- Statistically marriages between teenagers have a higher percentage of divorce. Next marriages between those in between 20 and 24 have the next highest percentage of divorces. The percentage drops down a lot if you are both 25 prior to getting married. (I don't know where Clinton was making up his stats up there)

Three- Money is the number one cause of divorce. You don't have your own house or a career in order to be seen as "established" and you really don't know how much it costs to run a household so the money problems seem a lot bigger at a young age.Those who marry younger usually do not continue on with their education and earn a diploma. Those with a college diploma will earn about 75% more than those without. Again, statistically relationships where both parties have a college degree have a higher percentage of remaining together.

Four- Legally you are not an adult in some ways. While you can enter contracts at 18, laws still prohibit you from acting as a complete adult until you are 21, with many laws still prohibiting your actions until you are 25. You cannot yet rent a car, book a cruise, get a loan without a co-signer.

Five- Life experience. You change a lot between 20 and 25 as you have a lil life experience under your belt. You learn that if your parents hate him, your friends hate him--there is probably a reason more substantial than they are jealous and just don't want you to be happy. You learn a lot about what you really want in life. As it's the first time really living out from your parents roof--you learn how to deal with money, time management, compromising with people, your own work ethic, how clean a person are you if no one is there to tell you to clean up. And those are the things that can really mess up a relationship.

Again I'm not saying you are too young. But if you were really asking an honest question--these are some reasons why people *SAY* 20 is too young. They don't know you and I have heard of many relationships that got together young, that worked out forever. My grandparents and parents were both married before they were 20. But people remember back to when they were 20 and how much they still had to learn and grow. Couples can grow together just as easily as they grow apart. You just can't expect that things will be exactly as they are now. And it's hard when you marry so young. You don't really know how things are, how your spouse will react to something big, what minor pet peeves will annoy you--b/c you haven't dealt with it yet. It's not that people know YOU are too young--just that 95% of 20 year olds are too young.

And--I am now married to the man I was dating at 15. I knew I was in love with him then. So I'm not going to say anything about at 20 you don't know--b/c you either know you are in love or you aren't. But we broke up so we could both get our college degree first and got married at 24/26. I figured if I loved him at 15 and knew he was the one--he'd still be the one a few years later. Good luck!

Answer 7

Probably because they married young and were not happy with their marriage after awhile so they now assume that you will never be happy if you get married at a young age. They also may feel that they missed out on alot of things once they got married and now regret getting married when they did. Or if they are single it just may be that they are cynical, but u do as u feel is best for you regardless of what they all might think or say it ultimatly does not matter.

Answer 8

Do what you feel is right. I also hate people saying that. I married at 18, I had been with my boyfriend for a couple years. We have been married for over 2 years now and I don't regret anything. I think the people who say that may have gotten married young, because of stupid reasons and now want to tell everyone else what to do. Not everyone "grows up" and "knows who they are" when they are 30. I have always been told that I am mature for my age. In high school while everyone else was out partying and all that, I was taking care of what I had to. I did great in school, I have been going to college, we live on our own and need no one elses help and we never did. Please do what you want, don't listen to anyone else.

Answer 9

Why do they say it? Because they love you enough to let you know about their concerns.

Why are they concerned? Because much of your emotional development is yet to happen. Who you are now is not the same person you'll be five or ten years down the road. That doesn't mean that you & your boyfriend won't love each other and be able to work it out, but it certainly can be a strain on the marriage.

Also, if you are really going to spend the rest of your lives together, then waiting a few years shouldn't be the end of the world...After all, you have the rest of your lives, right?

Answer 10

Just listen to your own instincts, not anyone else's. People say that because in this day and age, people are getting married much older, having kids later, and divorcing quite a bit. That's why hon. If it feels right, and he asks you, then both of you be happy. Everyone's in a race for careers and money now, it's refreshing to see someone actually enjoying love - because in the end - that's the most important thing. God bless.