My question is how to deal with my parents.....my husband and i have two children and now i am preg again. Daughter 3 Rylee Son 1 1/2 Hunter. Well...I told my mom because i was really excited this will be our last child anywho my mom was really upset....was telling me they cost to much and it will be hard on us dealing with 3 and it could couse alot of stress and hurt our marrage....I am very upset because i wanted my family to be happy and support us. We take care of our own they dont watch our kids for nothing we were told they had there own kids etc. so they are not going to watch ours even for a few hrs...thats fine but should they be this upset with us?
2007-07-09 07:51:18 · 23 answers · asked by thecoxons 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It sounds like your mother is being overly critical of you, if you know that you can support your family then it is not any of their business. I could understand if you lived with them and borrowed money from them all the time, but that doesnt' sound like the case.
I suggest you ignore your mother and be the happy mom you should be!
Congratulations!
2007-07-09 07:55:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Since I get the impression that you are probably the coworker of a parent that has these children, I feel it is important to point out that every child is different, and every parent has different standards of when they are not well enough to go to school. While it is true that the older your kids get the less frantic you are when they get sick, pretty much any kid that goes to school is going to pick up a bug of some kind at least every month or so. Multiply that times 3 kids and then figure on at least one day down per kid since they always seem to either go one right after the other, and it's not impossible to think a parent might have 3 days a month with at least one sick kid. Not being the parent you don't know for certain whether any of these children has a chronic condition, or is especially susceptible to the viruses that most people can shrug off with no problem. And unless you are the employer of the parent in question, it is none of your business. If you were the employer, you would be entitled to request a doctors note from your employee if you felt their absences had become excessive (pediatricians can fill out a form too.) If you are simply a coworker your job is to do your own job and let your boss handle the employees they supervise. On a final note, schools have become much more insistent about keeping sick children out of the classroom in recent years. Most districts have a policy that asks parents to keep their child home if they have had a fever or diarreah in the last 24 hours. And with laws prohibiting parents from leaving their children unsupervised, unless grandma is available to watch the children for free, mom is stuck.
2016-04-01 05:28:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same response when I was having my third.My kids are similar age span as yours are. I understand a little more now that 8 yrs have passed. But I was also hurt by this response & I am still trying to make sense of it. All I can say is I know my mom loves me & wants the best for me. I am sure that is true with your mom too. I have realized my mom & I are very different people and different as mothers. She chose to work full time, I am home full time. I think my mom is more material than I am. I don't need a lot to make me happy. She grew up very poor and has worked very hard to have nice things. That is important to her. I think she feels sorry for me when I don't have all the "things" she has. I on the other hand feel bad for her because I know all the precious moments she missed. Don't worry too much about it even though it is hard right now. I think parenting doesn't end when the children are grown. She is still worrying about HER baby (you) and it is a lot of work and expense. Just give it time I sure the newness is settling in. I am sure she will settle down soon. Even if she doesn't don't let her rob you of your joy. Maybe we will both understand better when our babies become mommies. :0) Congratulations and good luck with it!
2007-07-09 08:18:50 · answer #3 · answered by Dutchess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people react as if they were in the situation. Maybe what she's really saying is that SHE doesn't want another grandchild. Another person to take her time, another person to worry about, another person to buy yet more gifts for. It all adds up. And maybe she feels she isn't up to it and that makes her feel guilty which in turn makes her feel angry.
Sorry. I know that hurts, but you just have to ignore it and move forward. The only important thing is that you are happy about it. Go and celebrate with those that are happy too. The grumpy ones will get over it.
On a side note, I've told both my girls that I am not interested, nor do I want grandchildren. It's true. I'm not looking forward to the worry about their health or the health of my daughters when they go through all that. I know that hurt them and I'm sorry, but it is how I feel. At the same time, when they do have children and they both do want a family, I will be there for them and I will love and adore my grandchildren. You just won't find me in line asking when they are going to have kids.
2007-07-09 08:01:04 · answer #4 · answered by Dorthy_Gail 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No they definitely should not. It's your choice and your prerogative and unless you and your two kids are living out of cardboard boxes there is no reason that you shouldn't be able to afford it. You can never technically afford a child anyway. I think you should tell your Mom firmly that the only thing that will damage your marriage is their lack of support which is causing you a great deal of stress already. As for not looking after your children for you, yes I agree Grandparents should be just that and no more. But it doesn't sound like you are asking them to be more. Tell them to back off or be happy and try to enjoy your pregnancy.
Good luck and best wishes.
2007-07-09 07:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by KBKIDZ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mom is a bit controlling, it's yours and your husband's choice to have children, you're taking care of them yourselves and not tossing them at your parents to raise like many people do, so it's not up to her to tell you that you won't be able to handle this family. She sounds very pessimistic, tell her that this is what you want, this makes you happy, if she's not happy for you then you just have to remind her "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". If it were me, I'd find an excuse to get off the phone or leave the house everytime she started talking so negatively, hopefully she'll get the hint.
How does she treat your children?
It may be hard, but sounds like she's not going to be supportive like you want her to be, so maybe it's best to keep your distance for a while until she can smile and say Congratulations!
2007-07-09 08:13:08 · answer #6 · answered by spunion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We've gotten that treatment from both sides of our family.No, they shouldn't be acting this way, but in our current society where unborn children and the elderly and handicapped are looked on as burdens ruining lives it's to be expected. In our case it started with our 2nd on my husband's side because they are super materialistic and think children are a burden and that people should have one maybe and hire a nanny to raise them so they don't interfer with their lifestyle. That's how they raised my husband and it's like he's talking to strangers instead of his parents. With my parents it started with our 3rd because we carry a gene that causes mental retardation, epilepsy, brain tumors, and can cause infantile death so I shouldn't be allowed to have any children even though our odds with each pregnancy are 15-20% of the affliction(the odds are better than Vegas or the lotto they play each week that we'll have a healthy child)and it's downright hateful. We always take care of ourselves and our children. We don't ask for help or sitters or money or anything and we don't revolve debt. Our only debt is our morgage. If your family is like ours it'll get worse with each child.....this last time my mother actually said maybe I'd get lucky and miscarry the baby I'm carrying and when my mother in law found out she said she hoped that I have to have an emergency hysterectomy or die since we just can't seem to stop breeding like farm animals.
2007-07-09 10:35:54 · answer #7 · answered by Heavenly Advocate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents may well be concerned that a 3rd child will add to your expenses, which is true, it will. They have had a family of their own so they realise how difficult it can be. Try not to be too upset about their reaction, difficult, I know. I had a similar reaction from my mother when I announced by 3rd but I just got on with it. I had more than enough to worry about looking after my two youngsters, in between throwing up, that is. Try to put on a good front, be happy about your pregnancy, especially around your parents. You are thrice blessed girl, childless couples would envy you for your present worry. Hope all goes well for you. x
2007-07-09 10:31:13 · answer #8 · answered by LOOBYLOO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's terrible!
You should sit your mother down and tell her that her reaction hurt you, and that you really hoped she'd be more supportive. Try to find out her reasons for reacting the way she did and ensure her that you always intended on this number of children, you've got a financial plan of action, and you're well aware of the sacrifices you need to make.
Let her know that you love ALL of your children, and they're worth the extra cost and sacrifice. Tell her you are excited and hope that they can learn to be excited for you, but if they can't, you'll have to keep your distance. After all, stress can be dangerous to you and your baby. Then, follow through.
2007-07-09 07:59:11 · answer #9 · answered by mom2babycolin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO! This is your family now and the decision to have children is with you and your husband! I can't imagine anybody getting upset at the birth of new baby. Babies are a gift from God. I know you're upset now, but perhaps after your child is born they will be more accepting. If they're not, it's their loss. You'll have a beautiful family with or without their support or acceptance.
2007-07-09 07:56:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Aren't parents a blast? I know what you are going through I went through it myself when we had our third. Just ignore them. They'll tell you they are saying all these nasty things "for your own good" and so you can "think about what your doing"....like you can undo pregnancy. Let me tell you what. My third daughter has been a blessing. Yes, it was hard learning how to manage 3...but no harder than 2. Yes, kids are expensive but their better than any fancy house or sports car ever made. Stress? Hurt your marriage? Please, like going to the mall can't stress you out or choosing a new car can't "hurt your marriage"?
Tell them to get a grip on reality! You and your husband are happy and excited to welcome your baby into your family and if they can't be happy with you they can be nasty without you!!
Best wishes & congrats on that new baby!!! I hope all goes well for you and your family.
2007-07-09 09:08:35 · answer #11 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋