I was born in Louisiana, where just about all of my family lives, and this year I moved to Texas. I have alot of family problems (involving abuse by a family member), so I am completely miserable even when I just visit Louisiana for a day or two.
My grandmother practically raised us. My mom worked full-time, and on the days when my dad was supposed to have us he just dropped us off at my grandmas house. We were there literally every day for most of the day from when I was a baby until my pre-teen years.
My grandmother begs me to move back home every time I talk to her. When she comes visit me, she always cries and says she can't wait until my lease is up so that I can move back home. In all reality, i have absolutely no intentions on moving back to Louisiana at all; I have never been as happy as I am living in Texas. I don't have the heart to tell her this to her face, but I know it needs to be done some time.
Am I wrong for putting my own happiness before hers?
2007-07-09 07:32:13 · 15 answers · asked by trippystemny 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have no husband or kids, but I have a fiancee' who lives here. That's why I chose to move to Texas, but I would have moved even if it wouldn't be to Texas.
2007-07-09 07:39:56 · update #1
I think I should note that she is very negative about the abuse I endured and always either denies that it happened or tells me to get over it.
2007-07-09 07:57:09 · update #2
No, I don't think you're wrong. For you, being in Louisiana brings back terrible, painful memories. She needs to be told about this if you haven't already. She needs to understand why you can't move back there. I WOULD, however, suggest you make a compromise and try to see her more often, keep in touch more....in general, just make an extra effort to keep in touch. Often older people get very lonely - their friends have died,moved away or moved on. They only have their family to keep them happy. Keep this in mind....
2007-07-09 07:37:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. Sadly as it sounds, you cannot put your life aside and stop your future because she is sad. OK, appreciate it that she brought you up and such, but you have to look out for your future, as she did once and it is not fair that she tries to manipulate you going back and turning down any happiness or good opportunity you may have. It doesn't sound like you were veyr happy when younger, so why continue it? If you can now look for your happiness, do it. She will have to understand. Maybe comit to talk to her more often or visit her on a regular basis, you are not that far from her.
I live so far from my parents, my mom still cannot get over me living, but if I do not do it now, then I will never have again my age, my strenght my chance to build my future. I do not have any intentions of ever moving back, now that I have my own family.
2007-07-09 14:40:43 · answer #2 · answered by Mary Laurita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not! Don't feel guilty about pursuing your own happiness. Your grandma is happy because she thinks that by providing the same unconditional love she gave you when you most needed it that will make you happy to. Simply explain to her that being independent and having the choice to live where you re happy should make her happy as well. Let her know that the mere fact of being in the place that brought you such hardship is difficult for you to overcome at the moment and that you deeply appreciate everything that she did for you but that this is what you have decided to do. After all she had nothing to do with the crap you went through and should not feel she is being left out of your life.
2007-07-09 14:41:12 · answer #3 · answered by SexRexRx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to find your own place in this world. i understand how your grandmother feels because i'm raising my 12 yr old granddaugher . does she have a computer? you could send her news from Texas and share with her the things that make you happy. when my grandaughter is away visiting , i miss her music, her sense of humour and her constant chatter about friends, boys .school etc, if you could afford it . a computer would be a great gift . your grandma needs to find other interests and maybe you could help her with that. all she really wants is to know you are safe and happy,i wish you well on your new independence.
2007-07-09 14:51:22 · answer #4 · answered by Donna 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that if you tell her your feelings and how happy you are there, then she will be happy for you. Just make sure you let her know how much she is missed and loved by you. Offer to have her move to Texas to be closer to you. See how she feels about that idea. Your happiness is more important to your grandmother than you realize.
2007-07-09 14:38:04 · answer #5 · answered by Angelic Valentine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you're not completely wrong for putting your happiness ahead of hers, but you must also remember that she put your happiness and upbringing ahead of her own. i think you should at least tell her the truth, that you have no intentions of moving back. dont you think you at least owe her the truth so she can stop hoping and wishing? how about bringing her to live with you in texas? is that an option?in any event you owe her the truth. if she knows you're definitly not moving back maybe she can go on with her life and stop hoping and wishing.
2007-07-09 14:42:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. You are moving on with your life and you are happy. I cant see where going back would be good for you. Grandma needs to be told that you are not moving back. Be calm and steady and explain all the reasons why.Good Luck
2007-07-09 17:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by mnwomen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I can understand your grandmother wanting you home with her, but you have to live life for you. Just make sure you include your grandmother in your life, call her alot and visit when you can. Take care of number one first.
2007-07-09 14:38:32 · answer #8 · answered by rachie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're right to be where you're happy. But you should be concerned for your grandmother. Why is she so unhappy by herself? Is there something she needs help with or is it just your company she misses? Is it possible for her to move closer to you? Or for her to come visit you for a week or so?
2007-07-09 14:39:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u r not!! if u r happy where u r and every parent or grandparents dream is for a child to be happy.then just tell her how happy u r there in texas.......and if she still begs u to come home......don't call her for awhile and when u finally answer................say a week l8er or so..........maybe she will apologize and realize how happy u r down in texas.
2007-07-09 14:39:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋